This is what ruins your Relationship

[natured]

Let's make this clear

BEING #CLINGY IS VENOM TO EVERY HEALTHY #RELATIONSHIP.

I have been there myself ages ago, I know a lot of people of different ages that went through this, so this is NORMAL, everyone goes through this, and many of us don't even notice it ...

Our Relationship will crumble down if we don't fix this !!!

When you feel like your relationship is in a down spiral because you are being needy and clingy, take immediate action, trust me, many people can't stand a needy partner it's one of many reasons that causes break-ups even divorces.

While your intentions may be entirely good, being too clingy is anything but that.

Definition: When someone is clingy, it means that they become very attached or too attached to people and depend on them too much. They just want them close ALL THE TIME.

Yes, you may enjoy spending time with your partner, but it's imperative and crucial to have some boundaries in place.

There are some simple steps that you might want to try, they helped me and many others to go from clingy to self-sufficient, and they most certainly had a huge impact in relationships that had this problem for one or the other partner.

Phone

TEXTING AND CALLING !!! Stop this, immediately. Yes I know you want to make sure he is "ALRIGHT", or you want to get showered by attention and sweet nothings that come from your partner, you want to send your partner a picture to impress and all that... BUT STOP IT, especially if you do ti constantly.

You are distracting and annoying them, give them the opportunity to miss you virtually, if you keep texting or calling them, they just don't have that mental space to miss you because you already ruined it...

If you find yourself in this situation, focus, distract yourself, switch it up and text a friend or find a different outlet for your focus, download a new game, go for a walk, meditate, meet your friends, take some selfies (but don't send them to your partner) and post them on your social media ...

Passions

Make space for your personal passions and pursuit a priority, strive to have your own life away from your partner. It's not just healthy for the relationship but it's even healthier for YOU.

Gym, Book club, piano lessons, cooking shows, youtube How-to's and so on, there is so much this world offers, and it will help you become less needy.

You don't need to spend every moment with your partner, again, create that space to be MISSED, find your own areas of interest as long as that area is not your PARTNER ( lol ).

Space

You may not like your partner doing things without you. Wether it's having dinner with friends, going out to a bar or cinema... clingy people in relationship have a hard time with the fact that their partner has a life away from them...

Your partner has every right to live, stop suffocating them, trust me, it's vitally important to the health and success of your relationship that your partner is able to do and enjoy things without you.

You are a couple, and not a CLONE of your partner, so you should support your partners endeavors and desire do watch a sports game with friends or have a girls night....

This exact way, will show your partner that you care about their needs, and that you're very secure in the relationship, and that you place a priority on their happiness, even if it doesn't always include you. Your partner will appreciate it, and that means you're one step closer to a stable and healthier relationship.

Jealousy

Many people are clingy and needy because they're jealous or constantly worried about their partner's loyalty or possible infidelity. This means you just don't trust your partner, so you want to hang out with him or her 24/7.

Trust me, being mistrusting is only going to push the two of you further apart. A healthy and stable Relationship is based on mutual trust, your clingy nature is showing your partner that you don't believe or have faith in him or her or in the strength of your connection.

This is one of the hardest parts to control for many people, but once you're less clingy you will be more relaxed mentally, and your relationsip is far more likely to succeed, it takes a lot of dedication though.

Self - Esteem

It's time to recognize that you're able to accomplish things on your own. Being clingy sometimes is a stem from a misconception that you need others around at all times for help and support.

You'll soon recognize that you're able to have achievements on your own, and you will recognize that it's okay to spend time alone and do things without relying on others.

Simply learn to become your own best friend, lover, support system and so on. This way you will feel much more fortified and self - assured in any situation.

Trust me, sometimes it's enjoyable to have moments by yourself, i give myself plenty of me-time to complete tasks and projects on my own, or write a MyTake for example lol, or just simply relish the freedom of solitude and the opportunities for introspection, creativity, tranuility and so on.

I think in order to fix your relationship you first have to start from yourself, and you'll realize that you will flourish together with your relationship.

This won't have immediate results, Rome wasn't build in a day so take your time, try to focus and cherish every moment that you spend with yourself, respect your relationship and its boundaries.

Good luck

-D-

[MountAverage]

I completely agree. A lot of people on GaG here don't want to hear it though. They're so insecure and mistake clinginess and possessive/controlling behavior as signs of affection, when in reality they're signs of projected insecurities, lack of trust, and lack of self-love.

[natured]

I couldn't have said it better. This is exactly my point.
It's also important to point out that this "phase" is normal, most couples go through it, and it can irritate the relationship alltogether, so it takes the right will and emotional intelligence to solve it.
Thank you for reading

[MountAverage]

Oh yeah, clinginess and even insecurities are completely normal at the beginning of the relationship. For one because you're excited about that new person, your feelings for them, exploring their bodies and their mind, etc., so you of course you want to hang out A LOT in the beginning. Everybody loves this phase. And conversely it's also quite normal to be insecure and maybe even easily jealous in the beginning. Because trust needs to be built, by getting to know each other. But like you said, this is a phase that needs to be overcome, otherwise it's not a phase but simply the relationship. And that's bad.

[MountAverage]

Thanks for MHO!

[William7489]

The inability for one spouse or both to understand that there’s a difference between privacy and secrecy. Why do I say this? Because honesty and communication are the bedrock of any relationship. The inability to know the difference between those two concepts harms communication immeasurably.
I am an older man/middle-age and perhaps I’m a little bit traditional. So why is this so important to someone like me? Secrets and hiding things can kill the best of marriages or relationships. It destroys trust and without trust marriages fail, flounder or suffer. Why is it so important that people understand the difference? Because privacy is something both parties are entitled to, that encompasses all the things you have done before meeting your partner and after meeting a partner that have no bearing on the relationship and have no potential at all to affect the relationship in anyway. This would be like your husband giving some highschoolers money to wash his car.
Or that your husband did not tell you that he once dated a girl who was Asian American when he was in high school. Both of those are completely and totally irrelevant in ANY way whatsoever to the current relationship.


On the other hand secrecy is something that occurs during the marriage or prior to the marriage or the beginning of the relationship that is harmful to the relationship if it were to be made it to the other person. A few examples would be the husband above, taking very little pictures of the underage girls watch washing his car. Or your husband didn’t tell you that he contracted hepatitis B from his Asian American girlfriend in high school and could possibly give it to you.


Those are simple examples. Pretty apparent. The problem is when you get down into the more mundane and every day type things. My fiancé cheated on me with a male coworker. I eventually found out but the really awful thing is that, either one of us ended up working closely, like individually, with the opposite sex with some thing we had agreed to tell each other. [plus my ex had issues in the past with hooking up with people that she was working with. It was something we agreed on mutually.] Workplace relationships no matter how innocent they are meant to be, with the opposite sex, can be very seductive and dangerous. Sure enough that’s what happened. She kept that fact a secret for sometime, her emotions, thoughts and feelings she was starting to develop for this person , and emotional affair occurred and then a physical one. Then I had to confront her and ask her to leave. I guess this is a little long-winded but that’s a really roundabout way of saying complete and total honesty is what holds a relationship together and the lack of it destroys them

[Lliam]

Another really good MyTake, natured.

I agree. Insecurity is just unappealing.

I want a partner who is confident in her abilities, enjoys life, and has interests. Those things make her interesting and I enjoy learning from the ways in which she differs from me.

Being someone's only interest is no fun. They're boring. It's like they have no life.

I wouldn't want someone who acted like I was the key to their happiness. That kind of dependent behavior would be suffocating. It would also be too much pressure. There would always be the threat of hearing "You don't love me any more."

Being admired and even adored is great. That's how partners should feel about each other. But it's also important to be realistic. Being worshiped would feel really weird.

Trust is an essential part of love. I need to be able to do things on my own or with others without my partner worrying that I am losing interest in them or cheating. I don't monitor or control my partner. That's borderline narcissistic behavior.

My wife and I have shared interests. We do things together and also chat a lot. We enjoy each other's company. But we also have separate interests and hobbies. We support and encourage those. I also admit that I need some alone time - time for myself.

[PoliteSpeaker]

"They have no life" aka they have no value to better your experience in this life. Yeah I agree a ugly girl can be confident and you'll find yourself desiring her and it is weird.

[t-8900]

I just want to say that young men in the western world are by and large socially retarded. And this is due to not enough masculine energy and role models in their life. If you kind of like a guy or whatever and he's not spending much time with guys you might want to encourage him to do so or get some of your guy friends to start talking to him more. If he is very soft, very "nice", any way effeminate, and doesn't have a father in his life then you should probably run away while you still can because he's going to be even softer than your female friends. Not sure if you want a guy like that tbh. At the same time if you are a single woman in a house hold with only a mother in it than chances are you yourself dont know what you are supposed to be looking for in a man. You too will likely end up just like your mother unless you are willing to set aside the shit she taught you and do your own due diligence. You need to figure out what makes a man strong and valuable and then you need to learn what men actually want in a partner. Hint, hint, sex is only one aspect of it.

[Rawkman]

I agree with some of it however you should still be affectionate and spend quality time with each other and calling and texting us good when it's not non stop, Of course having your own space and doing your own thing is healthy and important too. I think some people who get labeled as clingy are just naturally more affectionate people who require more affection.

I totally agree with people who get way too clingy in the sense of them never wanting to let you do your own things or getting upset when you do your own things. Everyone needs to recharge as well.

[natured]

Sure I understand your point and it makes total sense. Obviously spending time together is important and healthy relationships depend on quality time as well. But some partners want it ALL THE TIME, they want their partner close to them 24/7 and it's unhealthy.
Thank you for reading

[Rawkman]

Yeah, And that's the one of things I agree with you on. I've been through that too and it becomes toxic. You can't and should try to have total control over someone else or try to manipulate them. Nut at the same time it's not healthy for individuals to never be affectionate or be open or want to spend time around the other person obviously that wouldn't be much of a relationship either lol

[Rawkman]

Sorry for the funny typos my phone sucks and keeps causing mistakes lol

[natured]

Don't worry you where still very clear.
Again, thank you for reading and thank you for understanding you're amazing

[Rawkman]

Thanks, You are too!!

[Fantasia01]

I completely agree and you are right. People like that are just naturally more affectionate and emotional people who just want to spend quality time and being around each other all the time can mean different things to different people. It can be obsessive or controlling. But it is more often than not just because they can’t be without that person because they are so in love with them. Yet someone that’s clingy automatically gets judged and frowned upon.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Good take, and intelligently expressed.

Clinginess can be such a subtle thing that you don't realise you're in it until it's too late. It's important to step back now and then, evaluate your position, and see the forest for the trees. Love can help us to see ourselves through our partner's eyes, but it can also blind us if we're not careful, and once we're blind then we can't even see the clinginess in our own actions any more.

P. S. You have a really cute smile.

[natured]

THank you <3

[Bgurl2_0]

My boyfriend and I video chat everyday and sleep on call every night, BUT when I go hangout with friends or go to work, we won't be on video chat. The thing with me is: separation anxiety. It takes a long time to heal from that and I'm used to people just walking out of my life like I'm nothing. It started with my dad for three and a half years, then me and my best friend of almost twelve years had a rocky friendship for a while which lead us to ending it multiple times, but now we're good. And now I lost a guy friend over some stupid shit and it isn't easy to get over people leaving when one of the most important people in your life did it to you first.

[HOAAH]

I didn't really read your whole article but I just think there has to be a balance.
The opposite of clingy would be standoffish or nonchalant about everything and that's not right either.
Like what happens if a guy dates a girl who brushes him off for her girlfriends all the time, or she just doesn't make any time for him and cancels on him all the time and then when he asks to make dates with her she tells him that he is clingy and she is too busy for him. Then she doesn't actually care about his feelings. Pretty much she thinks he should just exist to buy her things and clean and cook for her but then not be there, because she is busy making herself happy with her job, her friends and her hobbies.

She is the opposite of clingy. The total opposite which is not balanced and which is distancing oneself from the other person so much that it seems that if that person LEFT they would not even NOTICE.

[TwinTonyz]

Commitment and clinginess are the same thing.
Space and neglect are the same thing.
Doing one or the other is fruitless. Both are wrong.
The strength of your relationship is not measured by your efforts, but by your failures and how many your partner will tolerate. Modern tolerances are near zero.

Truthfully, I don't believe following this guide will turn your relationship around, as somewhere on this same site there is another post which would lead you to believe the exact opposite. So long as perfection is the standard, we're all fish trying to climb trees.

[PoliteSpeaker]

You could have skipped all that and just said "Work on yourself and everything will work out" It is where all relationship issue stem from. ALL of THEM.

Even cheating. Cheating comes from a lack of discipline. The sex urge is the hardest emotion to master. The key is that you don't have to express it only with sexual acts. But anyway it really is a joke to me that people need these kind of MyTakes. These same people agreeing with you will be having relationship problems and wondering why. It all stems from yourself. Every problem. Always does. Always.

[natured]

What is your deal though? So i should not waste my time in writing something i like in order to maybe help someone or just reassure someone... I'm not a fan of this comment, I write whenever i like and about whatever I like. It's not up to you who reads it or who understands it or who has or doesn't have problems.
You don't know other people

[innerman]

WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE DEMONS PLAY WELL WITH OURS


•• Being Clingy ••
I think when people get married, they decide to cling to each other the rest of their lives. Dating people are clingy in small doses 😂😂


“It was horrible, I missed you. I still feel bad”
#now that’s the safe.#


“I hate it when I text you and your busy, like wtf am I supposed to do. Your my life...”

# now that’s the edge’ where the thrill is. 🤪#


Self esteem... fk IM GEMINI 🤓


This works for some people, and it’s totally wrong for others. WE ALL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE DEMONS PLAY WELL WITH OURS

[SeanshterMonster]

I just don't get why clingy is so bad? Like if someone was clingy with me I'd know they care at least. Otherwise if they weren't clingy at all they wouldn't care to spend any time with me. They wouldn't want to get close and if I didn't talk for a couple of days cause let's say I was in a accident they wouldn't care. How is clingy bad?

[SeanshterMonster]

It's like saying it's a bad thing to want to spend time with someone when you can. Like what? So just don't call and text, don't try to spend time when them and see them as one of the very important things in life. Yes, great.

[clampfan101]

This is my biggest fear in a relationship because I want to shower my girl with love and affection. 😥 I don’t want to be too much, but I’ve been wanting to experience and give love for so very long in my life… My shyness may help, but I don’t know how much. 😕

[PoliteSpeaker]

Get a passion. Don't you have a dream. If you do then there is no way you could ever be clingy trust me and tbh you'll be more happy. Nothing in this world gives you more everlasting enthusiasm and joy than a passion. If people only knew. If I could unscrew my head and put it onto your for just a second. You'd be like... Oh damn dude you're right.

[clampfan101]

@PoliteSpeaker Of course I have other passions. I have a dream. They’re not easy though. I’m a forgetful perfectionist who loves art, games and technology. The only easy thing is playing video games. I’m not able to make my own yet.

[Pandupillu]

You won't be too much. Don't worry 👍

[MisterTee]

D, you are always so spot on! I had a girlfriend a few years ago that never gave me space. I was fine with it at first, but then it started getting creepy. She basically said that "cock" is mine and if you ever sleep with somebody else I will cut it off. Lol not even lying. I was scared. Lmao

[Fantasia01]

Ummm that’s not being clingy, that’s a psycho lmao

[MisterTee]

@Fantasia01 lmao you're so right. Hahaha i guess it started off by clingy and then it got really bad 😰 lmao

[Azura_88]

What about lying, gaslighting, flirting?
These are the most important ones you missed!!!
Clinginess is fine as long as one partner is NOT COMMANDING other partner to leave his/her job, resting time and personal tasks.

[natured]

I focused on the Cligny phenomenon , lying gasighting and flirting are things that can't be tollerated

[Fantasia01]

What a load of crap. There’s nothing wrong with being clingy in a relationship if you are with the right person. I’ve been with the same guy for 14 years and we are hardly ever apart and we are very close and hardly ever fight. I love clingy guys too. What works for some people doesn’t work for everyone. You shouldn’t post advice for everyone as if every person or relationship is the same.

[Azura_88]

100000% agreed.
Clingy is intense and deeper love. Thanks for sharing this. I knew that everything has a perfect match. If cheaters, liars and self absorbed people can find love then so can clingy people.

[Anonymous]

I should just disagree with you on principle alone after many observations you may have a very valid point all right let's get some grant money together that study this phenomenon

[JustinTimberlegs]

Yeah I'm totally clingy but not because I don't trust them, I'm just lonely and enjoy the company. Agree with your points though, I wish I was less clingy for sure. Thanks for the article!

[Ethics]

I agree, i lost her because i was surely too clingy.

[LoveIsFake]

If they really loved you they wouldn't mind those things. Guess I'll be single forever now. But what if you're clingy because you never had anyone important in your life or anyone in general? Plus I never had anyone be affectionate with me. Then what

[Fantasia01]

Nothing is wrong with wanting to spend all or most of your time together. It means that you are attached to them and that you care about them. You just have to find someone like you who understands and values you for the way you are. :)

[Pandupillu]

It's okay you can be reasonably clingy.. like clingy in small doses lol

[Nazgol]

True lol I can relate I can be very clingy. It's wrong yes but it's tough to not get so attached, especially when you love someone so much. I don't know why I'm like that

[Azura_88]

That's fine I guess. As long as you don't start forcing your partner to leave their work or rest and pay attention to you.