Is my former favourite potential roommate right for doing this? [+Update on my housing/moving away situation]


I went to Germany this weekend to check out different housing options.

The first place

The first one I looked at was listed as 285€/month, very cheap, but only 2 rooms for us (me and my potential roommate), a "very basic" kitchen (my dad) and a bathroom with no ventilation (mold is more likely to develop when there's no ventilation) and no window. No dish washing machine.
The washing machine would have been in the basement of the house (multi-storey apartment building) and officially, you also have to dry your clothes there. The mother of the girl was really sweet and this particular potential roommate was definitely my favourite of them all. She seemed very stable and determined to finish her studies.

The only thing that really disappointed me was how crappy everything looked, that all of a sudden they told me and my dad that I would have to pay 300€ every year for having the hallway cleaned (that's considered a lot per person here!) as this moved the price to 310€/month and how that girl treated me later.

Some idea of what the first place looked like [not the actual place, only had one window]
Some idea of what the first place looked like [not the actual place, only had one window]

The second place

However, once we looked at the second place, we were so in awe with the place that the decision was much harder to make.
The second place is 400€ with more stuff included and is just amazing as a whole. I can afford it, but 400€ was my personal limit.

The apartment contains two rooms, a living room, an amazing kitchen and a bathroom with a bathtub (we don't have one so that's amazing) as well as a very nice, small hallway. There is a space downstairs for my bicycle, a small part of the basement that I can use and the neighbourhood is much better too.

The only problem here is that I didn't meet my potential room mate #2 because she didn't want to travel there for two hours one-way.

I think that this is quite selfish given that we drove for 7 hours one-way - is it just me or is that somewhat of a red flag?

This is what the second place looked like to some extent (not the actual place obviously)
This is what the second place looked like to some extent (not the actual place obviously)

What happened

After keeping my dad entertained for the whole ride (didn't sleep or look at my phone once, we just talked all the way until we were there) and looking at the first two places, I felt extremely dizzy and started to notice that I hadn't slept in more than 20 hours.

After visiting another rather underwhelming apartment, we looked at the city itself and the university, had something to eat, I texted potential room mate #1 that I would have to make my decision on Monday (that was on Saturday), and finally, we drove to another city (3 hour drive) to spend the night at a hotel.

When we arrived, I texted her that I would love to take her apartment and spend the next three years there, sent that message, turned my WIFI on to make sure it was sent and then I realised that she had told me 30mins earlier that she had decided for another girl.

Despite being her favourite potential roommate as well, she dumped me - I hadn't slept in more than 26 hours at that point, was almost passing out from exhaustion and just wanted to sleep but managed to wish her well.

I should add that while we were there and literally two weeks before that as well, she texted me every day to tell me how happy she was that we would visit the apartment, that she needed a decision very early etc. Essentially, she was stressing me and my family out for absolutely (!!) no reason, I would've moved in in August or September (!!!!!!). Why was she in SUCH A RUSH?? She literally couldn't even wait for 8 hours. I don't think that this is fair at all.

What about you? What do you think, was she right for dumping me because I didn't want to make a decision before talking to my mother on the phone first?

Is my former favourite potential roommate right for doing this? [+Update on my housing/moving away situation]
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Most Helpful Guys

  • nodnol32
    She was not right at all. She should have made things clear to you. I would have been fuming. All that time and effort into hunting for a residence for you and your roommate she she dumps you all of a sudden. I would have been puzzled because if she was texting you everyday and showing some sort of enthusiasm in terms of you being her roommate I would have definitely been convinced she's serious. I definitely feel that it is not fair at all. Unethical if you ask me.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I didn’t get it either but it’s her choice after all :)

    • nodnol32

      I know. You were sweet enough to wish her well and as a mature woman you didn't make an issue out of it even though it is an annoying situation to be in. But thats life.

    • nodnol32

      Thanks for the MHO :)

  • Avicenna
    Germany is notorious for its (affordable) housing shortages, so this doesn't surprise me. Its messed up though.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I‘m confused what you mean, both housing options are cheap and Schnäppchen LOL. It totally makes sense why the second option is more expensive. I just think it’s a douchey move to not tell future tenants that they have to pay a whopping further 300€ each year to get a fucking stair case cleaned. I almost tripped on my way down, no idea how my dad managed to walk down stairs this narrow, I wear a 43 in shoes and he wears a 47 or 48 so it’s a real balancing issue when you walk down a flight of stairs.
      On another note: do you understand when I say „Stiegen“ for „Treppe“?

    • Avicenna

      Ja, verstehe ich ganz klar. Habe ein Paar oesterreichische Freunde.

      Mindestens vermeidet man reintheoretisch endlose Diskussionen mit den Nachbarn ueber Verantwortung fuer die Treppen.

      Thanks for the MHO.

    • I guess you’re right. Thanks for responding!

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • She sounds a bit all over the place. When things like this happen you need a BS meter, something that puts into place reasonable rules that you both agree to follow. Fair distance, cost, time to decide, etc... Unfortunately she sounds a bit to all over the place to be confined to rules but I feel some kind of order needs to be in place for this relationship
    • The other girl is 17 and all over the place too haha but both seem nice

    • I hope it works out for you :)

    I think you dodged a bullet there last minute price changes, all that pressure you having to pay to get the ball way cleaned WTF why is this charge passed down to you without the option of you being able to hover it as much as needed to keep the place tidy. What other surprises were on the way? Every thing happens for a reason she is someone else's problem now and thank you for the update I did wonder how things were going since your last post 🥳

    Forget about her out of the two other locations which one did you pick?
    • I would've had to keep the couch and then take it down the extremely narrow stair way myself to throw it away. Here's the thing. I'm tall, the previous owner that was there with us is basically a midget/dwarf for us - she didn't even reach my nipples.
      Of course, the apartment seemed big and spacious to her.

      My potential room mate like I wrote would've been nice, but I think her siblings would've visited occasionally and the neighbourhood is pretty bad.
      I grew up in a very nice town with one-family houses everywhere and almost no apartment complexes, so going to a city like that was a huge surprise and "culture shock" for me in a way.

      I'm so angry that nobody told me about those 300€ because it's literally more than AN ENTIRE MONTH'S RENT! Glad to have you agree with me that this is insane.
      The former tenant tried to tell us that this was normal etc but WTF lol.

      Also, she said that she may have a boyfriend at some point and since the apartment is THAT SMALL I honestly don't know where he would've fit! Her room would've been the more spacious one (I'm cool with that but she could've told me like WTF again) but still, I would've heard them having sex for sure.

      I agree! Thanks for caring hehe, that's nice.
      I think I'll go with the second apartment... It's 77 square metres for TWO PEOPLE which is just amazing. It's a luxury I will never have if I make it to Switzerland - the thing is, if they don't take me for their master's programme, I won't be as sad because I'll have this very nice apartment in Germany ::))) I can always apply for a phd programme you know.

  • Weasly
    Overly simplified, but that's life. She had something she needed to sell, so she combines pressure & affection in the right way to lead you to go with her option.

    From another, less cynical perspective, waiting 8 hrs for a maybe yes, or take the definate yes now to reduce her stress, I would take it right away. In that position I would want contracts signed ASAP so I could stop worrying about it.

    On another note, it is good to have a nice place to live with decent facilities, so if you went for the second option, unless the room mate is horrible, it is probably the better choice anyway in my opinion :-)
    • I agree. She just wasn't even the one selling it to us so I was kinda confused tbh why she was stressing me and my family out so much.
      My dad told me at like 1am in the morning when we were just starting the drive to Germany that no contracts would be signed that day and I think now, looking back on that day, that this was a wise decision.
      Why would anyone want to pressure me? it's just ridiculous lol.

    • Weasly

      Sorry I misunderstood there. However now I definitely think you have lucked out on missing her as your room mate for the next 3 years :-)

  • Gabriella_95
    I think she wasn’t serious just playing games with you from sounds of it.