How I managed to recover from emotional abuse.

JohnGarcia
How I managed to recover from emotional abuse.

Hello everyone! I just wanted to share how I overcame heartbreak and mistreatment. Lately, I haven't been using GaG because I took time off the internet. I focused on myself that time and reassess what I'm going through.

Months ago, I got kicked out by my mother in her house and my sisters made fun of me about it. It was so painful that even if my brothers and my uncle were only there to support me, I kept crying about it because it's shattering to know that your parent is giving you the silent treatment and especially your siblings. Right now, my brothers are currently the ones I confide in since they're close to me. And since I live with my uncle, aunt, and my cousins, I feel at home (though one of my brothers visits me from time to time). Prior to this, I came to a point where I lost my internship because of heartbreak, not feeling loved by my mother and my sisters and I had to do something about that.

We all know that heartbreak doesn't only come from dating, it can be about friendship or family relationships. Some people undergo different methods of recovery such as DABDA (depression, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), while there's this stereotype that men take longer to get over a relationship or men never get over relationships. As a guy, I used to think that I'm unlucky because due to societal norms, men are taught to be strong and tough while women have the option to either be stoic or vulnerable. Luckily, my uncle taught me that I shouldn't have to care what other people say about me as a man, and my aunt told me that whenever her husband cries, she's always there to love and support him. They also taught me that, I needed to love myself even if no one else does. I will be forever thankful to them because if it wasn't for these lessons, I wouldn't have learned a thing or two in life, but at least I would say that I feel at home when I'm with my cousins as they treat me like a sibling.

So in this Take, I'll be sharing how I overcame emotional abuse. I call it "DADBAR", the acronym will be explained below.

Denial

In my head, after my mother threw me out of the house, I feel as if I had a nightmare. I only wished it was just one but it is the reality I had to face. That my mother doesn't want to talk to me anymore. At that moment, I did everything to please her just so that she'll appreciate what I do for her, not knowing that despite my efforts, she really has no concern.

Anger

Due to her not appreciating me, I planned to self-harm that time. I even remember when she and my sisters made fun of me calling me an incel just because they know I never had a girlfriend. I also used to think that not having one is a red flag towards women so I sought validation from my former friends who also ditched me because of this behavior. Knowing this, my hatred towards all of them intensified to the point that I started hating myself.

Depression

The longest span of my recovery. It took me 4 weeks to cry and tremble several times as I felt like a nuisance in society, that insecurity keeps getting the best of me where it tells me that everybody hates me. There was no hope for me so, at that time, I decided to talk to my relatives from my father's side, they comforted me and reassured me. They also agreed to let me live with them and although it relieved the pain, I still feel the emotional wound caused by my mom. I also went to this stage when I lost my internship until my cousins gave me tips on how to focus on myself rather than dwelling on the pain. It was basically the end of this stage after they did that and after I've done my grieving.

Bargaining

I began learning something out of my experience, especially when my relatives told me to love myself and realize that a person won't hurt you when they love you. To think that I made a fool out of myself by begging for my mother and my sister's validation, I also learned not to be desperate for approval as this will be the cause of my self-respect to ultimately shrink. They also taught me how to think for myself and to stand my ground when I want something in life, though I'm still mindful of my decisions hurting someone, I won't sacrifice my self-respect for anyone else.

Acceptance

As I got used to my relatives' company and I began making new connections (at the same time being selective), I slowly started to accept the fact that my mom will never love me and I can't do anything about it, I shouldn't have to because not only love comes from within, but it isn't your loss if the one who made you hates you. Even though this experience is insurmountable, I got used to it thanks to my relatives and my brothers who were always there to love me.

Recovery

I not only accepted what they did but I also learned to forgive and forget because I'm not my mistakes and I'm not my past. I also needed to make sure that the previous cycle that I had won't repeat again as I wanted to be the new version of myself. A stronger man who knows what he wants and who always has himself together. I will forever be thankful for the heartbreak my former loved ones caused me because if it wasn't for this experience, I would never be the man I am right now. And even though all of these happened, my mom is still my mom, if it wasn't for her then I won't be here, so I owe half of my maturity to her and I still respect her, as for my sisters... well I don't know.

I want to thank my brothers, relatives, grandparents, and new friends for loving me! Because of all of them, I'm motivated to finish my last sem in college so that I can graduate this year! Heartfelt gratitude to everybody that I met, THAT'S IT!

I hope you like this Take and to those of you who are heartbroken now, I hope this myTake can help you! :)

Peace out! ☮︎

#JohnGarcia1998

How I managed to recover from emotional abuse.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • AmandaYVR
    Hi John,
    Sorry, I honestly forgot about your message until I was just scrolling through some right now. (Sometimes that happens, and it's difficult to keep up when you can't re-highlight a notification.)
    It sounds to me like you are writing this having come out the other side of your darkest days. You have come to a lot of realizations and you are more at peace with things than before. That's good. I think this could be helpful, even aspirational, inspirational, to those who are still in the thick of it. It's too bad there are not more eyes on it. (It happens; there is just too much fluff on here to lure lazy eyes away.)
    I'm familiar with DABDA. It's a recognized acronym (although you made a typo in there and D is for denial.) If you're interested in that, you might want to watch the film, 'All That Jazz.' The entire movie is basically a motif of DABDA. I don't know anything about you, so it might be off base and not of interest to you, but it's a great movie, very intense, critically-acclaimed (won 4 Oscars and had many other nominations), about a man, a real life iconic American dance choreographer, who... let's say he had sort of a run-hot, self-destruct, perfectionism in him. Even more interesting is that the man himself, Bob Fosse, wrote and directed this film (starring instead Roy Scheider, back in his Jaws days.) It was Fosse's homage to his inevitable end. He faced it, head on.
    https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078754/reference
    If you think it would be too depressing, or traumatic, for you, stay away for now. But as a tone on mortality, it's a great piece of art.
    Anyway, best of luck to you. I'm very glad for you that your aunt and uncle have been there for you. They sound like good, wholesome people.
    You can pm me sometime if you need to. I am not always quick to reply, but I always do eventually.
    Hang in there. Life is tough, "but so are you", as they say.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Awww 🥺

    C’mere 🤗🤗🤗
    There there there...😌

    I’m sorry you went through that. I’m also glad by the outcome of being saved by your relatives as well.

    By your story, I don’t see you less of a man by being emotionally abused. Real men hurt and cry too. There’s nothing wrong with it. I am really glad you’re safe now 🤗🥰😘. Many blessings for your future 🙏🏻😇.
    Is this still revelant?

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