Hello everyone! I just wanted to share how I overcame heartbreak and mistreatment. Lately, I haven't been using GaG because I took time off the internet. I focused on myself that time and reassess what I'm going through.
Months ago, I got kicked out by my mother in her house and my sisters made fun of me about it. It was so painful that even if my brothers and my uncle were only there to support me, I kept crying about it because it's shattering to know that your parent is giving you the silent treatment and especially your siblings. Right now, my brothers are currently the ones I confide in since they're close to me. And since I live with my uncle, aunt, and my cousins, I feel at home (though one of my brothers visits me from time to time). Prior to this, I came to a point where I lost my internship because of heartbreak, not feeling loved by my mother and my sisters and I had to do something about that.
We all know that heartbreak doesn't only come from dating, it can be about friendship or family relationships. Some people undergo different methods of recovery such as DABDA (depression, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), while there's this stereotype that men take longer to get over a relationship or men never get over relationships. As a guy, I used to think that I'm unlucky because due to societal norms, men are taught to be strong and tough while women have the option to either be stoic or vulnerable. Luckily, my uncle taught me that I shouldn't have to care what other people say about me as a man, and my aunt told me that whenever her husband cries, she's always there to love and support him. They also taught me that, I needed to love myself even if no one else does. I will be forever thankful to them because if it wasn't for these lessons, I wouldn't have learned a thing or two in life, but at least I would say that I feel at home when I'm with my cousins as they treat me like a sibling.
So in this Take, I'll be sharing how I overcame emotional abuse. I call it "DADBAR", the acronym will be explained below.
In my head, after my mother threw me out of the house, I feel as if I had a nightmare. I only wished it was just one but it is the reality I had to face. That my mother doesn't want to talk to me anymore. At that moment, I did everything to please her just so that she'll appreciate what I do for her, not knowing that despite my efforts, she really has no concern.
Due to her not appreciating me, I planned to self-harm that time. I even remember when she and my sisters made fun of me calling me an incel just because they know I never had a girlfriend. I also used to think that not having one is a red flag towards women so I sought validation from my former friends who also ditched me because of this behavior. Knowing this, my hatred towards all of them intensified to the point that I started hating myself.
The longest span of my recovery. It took me 4 weeks to cry and tremble several times as I felt like a nuisance in society, that insecurity keeps getting the best of me where it tells me that everybody hates me. There was no hope for me so, at that time, I decided to talk to my relatives from my father's side, they comforted me and reassured me. They also agreed to let me live with them and although it relieved the pain, I still feel the emotional wound caused by my mom. I also went to this stage when I lost my internship until my cousins gave me tips on how to focus on myself rather than dwelling on the pain. It was basically the end of this stage after they did that and after I've done my grieving.
I began learning something out of my experience, especially when my relatives told me to love myself and realize that a person won't hurt you when they love you. To think that I made a fool out of myself by begging for my mother and my sister's validation, I also learned not to be desperate for approval as this will be the cause of my self-respect to ultimately shrink. They also taught me how to think for myself and to stand my ground when I want something in life, though I'm still mindful of my decisions hurting someone, I won't sacrifice my self-respect for anyone else.
As I got used to my relatives' company and I began making new connections (at the same time being selective), I slowly started to accept the fact that my mom will never love me and I can't do anything about it, I shouldn't have to because not only love comes from within, but it isn't your loss if the one who made you hates you. Even though this experience is insurmountable, I got used to it thanks to my relatives and my brothers who were always there to love me.
I not only accepted what they did but I also learned to forgive and forget because I'm not my mistakes and I'm not my past. I also needed to make sure that the previous cycle that I had won't repeat again as I wanted to be the new version of myself. A stronger man who knows what he wants and who always has himself together. I will forever be thankful for the heartbreak my former loved ones caused me because if it wasn't for this experience, I would never be the man I am right now. And even though all of these happened, my mom is still my mom, if it wasn't for her then I won't be here, so I owe half of my maturity to her and I still respect her, as for my sisters... well I don't know.
I want to thank my brothers, relatives, grandparents, and new friends for loving me! Because of all of them, I'm motivated to finish my last sem in college so that I can graduate this year! Heartfelt gratitude to everybody that I met, THAT'S IT!
I hope you like this Take and to those of you who are heartbroken now, I hope this myTake can help you! :)
Peace out! ☮︎