Where did I go?
25 months ago I moved to Bremgarten which is a small town half an hour from the big city I grew up in. It was a spontaneous decision because I found a beautiful house that I could never afford to live in on my own or if it was in the city and the people were chill too. The rent was 850 a month for my room and 350 for utilities and even food was included. I still spent some money on food myself but if I really tried I could have probably lived only off the food from the house. The part of the house I lived in had 8.5 rooms 4 bathrooms and a really big garden. In the rest of the house 4 other parties also rented, that's how big it is ^^ There's also a 25 m swimming pool somewhere but I've never been allowed to go there. Here's a few pictures of the garden you can look at my other posts too to get an idea where I live.
In my time here I've developed faster than any other time in my life except when I was a baby/kid. I've learned so much about myself and got a better grip on my life. I know what I want to do and what's realistic. I know how much I can burden myself without stopping my momentum. I've learned to listen to myself and understand when something is not right a lot quicker.
This song came to my mind when I thought about Hometown. That hook just sticks in my head.
When I moved out here I didn't have much to lose, that's why I did it. I didn't care much about socializing, I was still preoccupied with a lot of questions about myself and life. I was fine with just having a few acquaintances and so far I've been able to find those anywhere. I had my housemates and Dani the main guy who lives here had people over all the time and soon I also joined a volleyball team that I really liked. That was enough for me. But now I've overcome a lot of the things that were bothering me before and I've set my sights on new horizons. I want to have a social life for the first time.
This is a huge development, I feel ready for it. But out here everyone grew up with everyone and has 5 best friends that they've shared their whole life with. And everyone has also dated everyone. Even though I am ready for more of a challenge this is not the one I want to take on. I am not into the small town life enough to be an outsider. Even in my volleyball team I realized when it comes down to it they are a group and I'm just there as well. They were very welcoming but they have a very different view on the team than me. I bought in and was giving 100% to play in the first league and now they just quit on that because we lost some players. And when I said why I wanted to play in first league I noticed that my opinion doesn't really matter.
Especially when Chris left, who was my best friend here and the only other "foreigner" living here I really started to feel stranded. He did a lot to include me and get me out of my shell. He's a super outgoing and lighthearted guy and we balanced each other out very well. I'm still keeping in touch with him but he's far away and it's not the same anymore.
Positives I can take away
Besides all the self development, playing in the first league was a great experience. I never thought I could play at this level since I haven't been playing indoor for 10 years and only playing beach volleyball for fun. I am actually super impressed with my athleticism and talent for sports. We made it to the league right under the 2 leagues that play semi professionally/professionally we practiced 2 times a week and drank beer in the shower afterwards. And we're almost all 30 or close to it. It's actually insane and I hope I can play at a similar level when I'm back in Zürich :). In Zürich the regional level is much higher so I'm gonna see how I stack up but just having this experience will make it possible to find a team for sure :).
I now appreciate my hometown a lot more. I never understood before why people always talk about where they're from like it's a big deal. I was more fascinated with discovering other places and cultures and figuring out life. But now that I've experienced what it's like to not belong I will appreciate my old friends and connections a lot more and I will restart some of those relationships when I'm back.
Reconnecting with my dad. My dad is in Canada and we haven't had the best relationship in my 20s but I talked to him about my situation and he could understand me well since he moved from Canada to Switzerland to be with my mom and I felt like we were closer than we've been in a long time. I will visit him after I go to Korea when the lockdown ends. I've put it off long enough :) .
I'm really looking forward to my second life in Zürich and how my maturation will change my experience, looking for a nice place to stay there is the biggest pain in the ass there is but I will take it slow. It will probably take at least 6 months till I actually move it could even be a full year because there is a lot of administrative bureaucratic stuff going on that could complicate or delay it but I've made the decision that's the main thing I will work out everything else as it comes up. I'll talk it through with people who support me.
Overall I'm really happy about and grateful for the time I spent here and I think it was a great decision in every way :) I didn't know how long I would stay I just lived it and now it's naturally come to an end and that's good. I've had a lot of great experiences here and I feel like my life is really starting. I've been feeling like that for a long time but it's true the more I grow the more I feel like life is offering me new layers and then I wonder how much further I can go.
We'll see about that I'll keep you updated ;)
P.S. Dani did a great job managing the house and was really patient about my mental issues when I stayed in my room a lot. He was almost always friendly. I'm very grateful for his efforts and I will thank him. I'm gonna get him some good wine :)