As I've outlined more than once now, I'm in a delicate situation where I can't tell my parents about the fact that my boyfriend lives with me and we'll soon move in officially (see this post for more: How telling my parents about my 6mo boyfriend went (they hate him for religious reasons) )
It's starting to hit me more and more each day just how much I hate the situation being the way it is. I love my parents, I love my boyfriend, and I know where I see myself in 5 years: with him in a cute apartment somewhere on this planet where we can both work. I'll try to involve my parents more as soon as I have kids, but until then, I'm fine with being away from them.
Soon, it'll be a year after I moved out from home, and I feel bad about not visiting my family more often as they're the only ones I know how to vibe with. They're the most fun and vibrant people I know, but they're also incredibly toxic and the tone of a conversation can change 5x/minute, which is insanely annoying and exhausting.
I went through so much in that year and grew a lot as a person. I miss talking to my mom every day after I got home from school - having her listen to my struggles with kids at school for 12 years was pretty great.
I don't miss fighting every day, crying every day and feeling down when arriving to school, not having much of a life outside of school and just dreading everything.
But I miss being close to my parents and I wonder how they'll react when I tell them that I no longer believe in the religion I was brought up in. I'm worried it'll take a huge toll on their mental health. I know that this sounds a bit dramatic, but my mother has been through this before with a relative and she cried for 2 weeks straight.
However, I truly hope that we'll be okay as a family. I'm not on good speaking terms with my brother, he's depressed, refuses any professional help and somehow considers me to be the enemy in his life.
I hate having to lie to him and my parents, but it's for the best. Once I open up to them, our relationship will be shattered forever and I'll never be able to be as close to them as I was.
On the bright side, it'll give me and my boyfriend more freedom and we'll be able to get married when WE want to, as opposed to getting married just to be able to live together.