I know I haven't posted in a while, so here's what happened: I met my boyfriend's parents - they really liked me and I couldn't be more thrilled to get such a positive response.
His dad offered to gift us an apartment, which was really sweet (we didn't take him up on his offer though, we'd prefer to get started on our own)
I decided that it was time that he met my parents since it seemed like a natural next step at the time.
I'd have loved if he could've visited them for 1-3 weeks and gotten to know everyone well. However, I didn't have high expectations when it came to how they'd treat him; since I had always been aware of how unpredictable my parents are, I had several ways of dealing with different scenarios.
I had no idea what would happen after telling them I had a boyfriend though.
I'd really appreciate it if you'd read through the whole take instead of just basing your answer off the title, thanks!
Telling my parents about my boyfriend
I was really, really nervous. I waited for several hours before finally bringing up the courage to tell them - first my mom, then my dad. To say that they weren't pleased would be an understatement.
My boyfriend didn't finish an aprenticeship he started and he was kicked out of school recently because he had missed too many lessons (due to Covid).
He's been working as an entrepreneur for the past ~2 years, supporting himself and his family very well.
I didn't want to tell my parents what he does for a living, I'd have preferred if he would've been able to do that because it's complicated and I didn't wanna say something incorrect.
Because of this, my parents deemed that he's a shady person.
I told my parents what his parents do for a living, that I met them and how they had welcomed me with open hearts. I told them how I had been with my boyfriend for half a year now after meeting him on an online dating site, how he had travelled so many miles/km to see me each time we'd met and so on. Those of you who have stuck around for a while know that it seemed highly unlikely that we'd ever make it to the 6 month mark, so honestly, I told my parents because I was happy and felt good about my choices.
Once again, me and my parents are devout christians and my boyfriend and his family are muslim - however, he hasn't prayed in months and doesn't seem to care much about the religion. I wouldn't describe him as a devout muslim.
Once my parents found out that his parents are immigrants, they blatantly told me that we don't have the same culture and that it'll never work out between us.
My mom thinks I'm naive and that he's lied to me from the beginning, that he can't be a virgin simply because he's of turkish decent (which to her means he HAS TO BE a fuckboy).
My dad repeatedly said that he doesn't want someone who prays to Allah in his house and that he wants me to break up with him.
Also, my parents noted that they'd have wished for me to have told them about my relationship RIGHT AFTER meeting him on Tinder because then, they would've been able to break us up from the start.
My parents are convinced that I'm pregnant (like that's the only reason I'd tell them I have a boyfriend), which is not the case. Also, my mother felt like she had to make a point by repeatedly telling me that I'm too young to have a relationship in the first place because I haven't finished my education yet (I'm 19 and studying at university).
Finally, they "know in their hearts" that he won'e allow me to finish my education and that he'll force me to become a stay at home mom if I got pregnant. This honestly couldn't be farther from the truth, he's so proud of me for studying at university.
Thinking about what they said
I heard my parents out first because I value their opinion and advice. Then, I took time for myself to reflect over what they had pointed out and talked to my boyfriend about my findings as well.
I understand that it's my parent's choice to decide over who they allow to sleep in their house. That's perfectly fine with me. What's not okay is the very racist things they said. For example, they added that he wouldn't even be allowed to sleep in a tent in the garden, LOL.
I understand perfectly well where they're coming from and why they said what they said because I'm familiar with their upbringing. I always knew that my parents were conservative and didn't support interreligious marriage, but what they said was that interreligious marriage never works, which clearly isn't true.
My family doesn't know what my boyfriend looks like (because they never asked to see him). They knew that I'd tell my boyfriend everything they'd tell me, so I feel like they were cowards for not even talking to him on the phone.
After hearing what my parents were doing to me, my boyfriend wrote them a very long text message that explained everything "shady" with him, in a polite way. It included a section where he expressed his disappointment over not being able to meet them, but overall, it would've cleared up a lot of their fear.
Here's the thing though - after reflecting on everything, I realised that no matter what I tell them, nothing will improve the situation. My parents always felt like they couldn't trust me and telling them I had been hiding someone from them for half a year didn't help (though I always knew that no matter how long I'd wait with telling them, their reaction would be the same).
Since all my mom did was yell at me for four days straight, I decided not to give them the letter, mainly because I realised that I had to protect my boyfriend's and his family's identity from now on.
There's a bunch of stuff I didn't tell my parents because I didn't want them to freak out entirely - mainly details about his family that would've set them in a worse light than they are (I'll consider writing a take on that soon), but also how we had basically been living with one another for 5 months because we're inseperable or how we'd recently gone away together to put our relationship to a test yet again.
Talking to my friends about everything
I'm a very private person and have a hard time telling friends about what's going on. After revealing how toxic and emotionally abusive my family had been as a result of me telling them about my boyfriend, they were quite shocked, especially because they had always considered my parents to be nice, normal people.
I told them a lot of very personal and intimate stuff about my relationship to be able to get the help that I was craving, and luckily, they were able to provide advice (go home as fast as you can and don't look back, you don't owe your parents anything right now, but we get that it's hard right now)
The aftermath (TW: suicide)
Indeed, I went home as fast as I could, my boyfriend picked me up after I had travelled for 11 hours and we haven't left each other's side since.
I'm disappointed with my parent's reaction and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them for what they said.
My brother told me in private that he accepted but didn't approve of my relationship, which was such a relief, at least I won't lose him.
Right now, it looks like I'll have to cut some ties with my family to be able to thrive again. As I outlined in a comment on my previous post, my parents make me want to kill myself. I hadn't had this many suicidal thoughts in such a long time and that's when I knew that I had to get away as soon as possible.
I've shared some amazing memories with my family, but it seems to me as though it's time to start building a life of my own. I don't think my parents are aware of the fact that no matter how they decide to treat me, I'll be okay.
If I broke up with my family, I'd be able to move in with my boyfriend officially, which I would like very much.
I don't want them to hate me or consider me an outcast either, so I don't know what I'll do yet. I'm currently taking one day at a time.
If you or someone close to you has been in a similar situation, how did you/they react?
Do you have any meaningful advice for me in this situation?
Thank you in advance for reading this and understanding that I will not bow down to people who haven't spent a second with someone I've gotten to know so well over the past 9+ months.