Me and my father use to have an okay relationship but everything just went downhill as I got older. He never took time to spend time with me even though I stayed with my grandma at the time and he visited the house and whenever he did come over he would boast about how awesome the trips are my older brother and him takes. He kicked me out his house when I was 11 basically by telling me to pack my bags and sent me to my grandma's and wasted no time to move in his girlfriend and her two sons. I was constantly bullied at school and even got raped by a family friend of my half sister and when I finally couldn't take it and I told my family members the guy touched me... At first I thought my Dad cared enough and I will admit I didn't care on whether he chose to beat up the guy or send him off to jail.. It was that I thought he cared was enough for me to get through but nothing happened... He did nothing.
As the years went back and I went to go to stay with my mom. I didn't talk to him.. he didn't call on my birthday or any other holiday. I just went on fatherless and it wasn't till my older brother moved back that he started to call. I refused to speak to him out of feeling nothing but betrayal and he told my mom he didn't know what he did wrong so I decided to finally talk to him. He ended up apologizing for the wrongs and I thought it would be the first time in forever that I had a dad again but that didn't happen. Fast forward to few months later and we planned me for to go visit him (My brother went back to live with him... God I don't know why) but I couldn't stay too long cause I needed to seriously focus on school wise, jobs, learning Japanese for study abroad but I wanted to take this time to really reconnect with my other half of my family cause who knows how busy I might get after that. My mom and him talked and seemed okay with me only stay for two weeks. My mom said he would get the ticket to and she would get the ticket for me to come back so it was 50/50 but then out of nowhere the dude just completly explodes and talks about how a few weeks isn't enough and I was flattered sort of at first but I need to take care of things. I can't just say fuck it all when this stuff rides on my future and it's not like he has to pay for everything. He was only paying for the ticket. So my mom and him get into this big argument and he just says "It doesn't matter if she comes anyways. As long as I have my son then I'm okay". You know, I always thought it was in my head but that day I truly understood that I'll always be 2nd best hell fucking 4th being that he cares about his step-sons way more and my other sister.. oh we are just sitting on the back burner waiting for him to care.
I admit I was sad at first because no one wants to hear that they dont matter as much as their older sibling but from being neglected to finding out the truth about who he is to being told you dont matter was enough for me. But now I can honestly say I'm just so over trying to fix whatever relationship we had. I'm tired of forgiving him for even the most vilest shit he has done not only to me but to my mother. He has no respect for women and no care that I am also his child and I matter but I know my mother loves me and that's what matters to me. Not Him. Not anymore and on father's day is my last goodbye to him because I dont want him apart my life and he shouldn't be.
I know some of you might have similar issues whether it's your dad, mom, brother, sister, step-member, bf/gf or friend. I'm telling you if all the attempts you make to try and fix what you have is not working and they aren't willing to put in the effort to care then just leave. Leave and don't turn back because once you finally just let go...It's going to hurt but you're going to be happy about it. I know this is a long story but I kind of just wanted to put that out there because we people hold onto to things that left a long time ago.
Thanks for reading :)
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