QUICK DISCLAIMER, for the uninformed people so you don't speak hypocritically: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-emotional-manipulation All humans do "Righteous Manipulation" subconsciously, which refers to "Positive influence" and "persuasion". The "UNrighteous Manipulation" is what experts tell us to avoid. This MyTake does not involve harm, force, nor punishment of any form. The approach to parents is a "Take it or leave it" approach.
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At first, I was gonna name this MyTake ""surviving sadistic parents"" as it has a ring to it, but that may be exaggerating the scenario and also stereotyping sadists.
I love seeing romantic relationships work out. This MyTake just gives a few ideas to convince traditional parents to support your marriage to someone your parents can have nothing against except for their ethnic origin. Of course, Not guaranteed to work, but perhaps worth a try. It is also a limited plan meaning It is only aimed at helping when there is one noteable difference (ethnicity) but may or may not help with other differences. It will especially work for potential couples on the same continent.
If discriminative parents get to know a physically different person on a personal level, they may have a change of heart.
Fear of the Unknown is partly a biological response. Emotions should be respected as they are involuntary... actions, however, are reasonably up for judgment. Maybe the action may even be taking steps to reduce certain emotions such as through education.
If you are willing to risk it all without using a plan: like just marrying them without trying to convince your parents to accept them, then here are your chances: I've seen or heard of quite a few racist grandparents falling in love with mixed grandchildren and for their sake, accepting the marriage. If you are brave then you can jump right in but it isn't guaranteed that they will come around. Whichever is more important to you.
If you are not willing to take the risky route, you can try the ideas below.
Part 1)
The plan of conditioning their mind to like different types of people does not require bravery because they have no idea you are interested in this person until the very end. But forget the very end for now.
The first plan is actually pretty simple:
In the first plan, I am showing a psychological tactic while in the second plan I show a practical tactic.....
All cultures have positives and negatives.
Priming the mind:
"Take for example your family is Moroccan (North African) and your University has a lot of Algerians (North Africans) and you happen to like a lot of Algerians; you are friends with them and you have a romantic interest in one. You would first want to show your parents a photo of a casually (rather than ethnically) dressed Algerian who resembles Moroccans (and to be quite honest, many of them do, the countries are close and migration happens).
To reduce suspicion, show them a photo of someone of your same gender.
If you have a group photo, it would be a great excuse to show them, otherwise, you can think of a question that gives you a reason to show the picture. A question such as if your parents know the location in the photo or if they like the outfit or aspect of the photo. If you choose to focus on location, ensure it's a picture of your own country; that is, a photo of an Algerian in Morocco.
You can go down that simple route above or, if your parents have a fancy for something such as coffee, wares, plants, or whatever, find a picture of an Algerian with such item(s). You can also find an inspirational person such as a chef (avoid politicians), or an Educator.
Finally, you would want to ask your parents to guess where they are from. Then when most likely your parents say Moroccan, you tell the truth and keep neutral, not saying anything more.
Change tactic each time to avoid suspicion and do Not use a tactic more than once a month.
A second psychological tactic, will not involve talking. It will involve providing your parents a great experience at the hands of the target culture.
Ideas: an Algerian meal, something Algeria is known for like sweets. Preferably, the packaging should say clearly where it is from. You might ask your parents if they read the ingredients, then when they check the back of the package they will naturally also read the country it is made in. But if the country is identifiable at the front of the package, even better.
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Part 2)
let your love interest infiltrate your parents heart before y'all announce interest in each other. If you are young and not well-established, this is the more advantageous time to start planning your future.
Photography is a side skill many people learn, but if your lover is a professional at it, even better. You can make the excuse of wanting to collect family photos for an album Or memories.
Your love interest taking a photo of you and your family. Only you know.
If your love interest has the type of job where they might enter your home, ensure you trust them and have known them for a reasonable amount of time.
You want your love interest to fill a need in the life of your family/parents; they can do so according to their job. As I said, photography is a common skill to learn and it is high in demand, especially if the photographer has a reasonable price.
You decide if the chicken or egg comes first. If you are going to choose who has such a job, if your love interest will learn a new skill, or choose this subject to study at University is all up to you or you two.
Some other job positions, besides photography that might give your love interest an excuse to cross paths with your parents regularly, are: home renovator, interior designer, dietician, landscaper, and computer technician, etcetera.
Alternatively, he might start working in a place your family loves to go to.
OR you conveniently choose a new place you would like to start going with your family which is where your love interest works or can be an aid or use to your family. Service or product.
You would need to be very disciplined and strict with this plan and not allow your parents to suspect anything at all. Do not risk interacting in romantic ways or much at all while you two are around your parents. It may be worth it in the end.
Thus, your parents get to know your love interest, and if he is worth shit, they will get along with him without ever knowing he is your love interest, UNLESS you have a toxic family, my condolences to you,... I can only give so many ideas.
................... after your parents get accustomed to your love interest, you guys tentatively tell your parents of your interest...if they still are hesitant, ask them, if they like him/her, why can't you marry him/her?
At best, I think to wait for a while after your interest finishes working for your parents to announce your love. This is to avoid confrontational tension that may arise from emotions.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I've seen it daily in MS where the parent was not okay with the interracial relationship but came around once the grandkid was born. Thats way too late in my opinion. Thankfully my fam has dated around the rainbow and dont care that I’ve also dated different ethnicities. But it honestly bothers me when someone dates outside their race, knowing their fam is against it, and knowing they dont have the guts to confront their parent. No one wants to date in secret nor feel disrespected by the in-laws. So i feel if a person can man/woman-up enough to standup to their fam, then they shouldn't even bother dragging their target/partner into all the drama. I dont trust a good number of folks because I feel they have a fetish or just do it to make their parents mad. And as for the parents, they would never be allowed to be around my future kid if they didn't show my dude respect early on. Fair game
It’s not an issue I have my parents don’t care what ethnicity my partner is.