A Myth Disproved: Bullies Actually Have 'HIGH' Self-Esteem!

[Anonymous]

The Truth About Bullies

A HUGE myth that's been going around for years is that bullies have low self-esteem, and that's what causes them to lash out at innocent people. However, the truth is that bullies actually have a very high opinion of themselves and are huge narcissists, who love attention from other people, even if they have to wreck an innocent person's life to get it. That doesn't mean that the bullies don't have their own issues to deal with, or that the desire to hurt other people doesn't come from them hating themselves...

Shame vs. Guilt

What it means is that they don't feel bad about the damage they do enough to stop, because of their 'high' self-esteem and having a high sense of feeling better than other people. Bullies can bully because they feel ashamed of themselves...However, feeling ashamed isn't the same as feeling guilty. A bully can feel very ashamed of their own selves for various reasons, but that doesn't mean that they regret what they did. Also, bullies have a huge ability for being able to tell what really bothers people, so they're actually able to know exactly how their victim feels; but that's not enough to stop them from trying to cause damage anyway, because making the victim feel ashamed was the entire point of the bullying in the first place.

Related Articles

I found two articles that show what I'm talking about:

- Do Bullies Actually Lack Empathy?

- Psychologist’s Studies Make Sense of Bullying

Do Bullies Actually Lack Empathy?

This article basically highlights the points that not only do bullies feel really self-important and need attention from other people, but also that just because they feel badly about themselves and can emphasize with how the victim feels, that doesn't mean they aren't a very long way from actually feeling guilty about what they did.

Psychologist's Studies Make Sense of Bullying

These two articles show the perspectives of two PH.D Psychologists who use studies to try and see the link between bullies, their self-esteem, how people perceive them, and their popularity. Both of the articles show that not only did the bullies have a high opinion of themselves, but that they LOVED being popular and getting attention at other people's expense, which is how someone with low self-esteem would never act or respond.

Self-Esteem Plays a Role

If you think about it, how someone with low self-esteem behaves is extremely different from how the average bully does. A person who has low self-esteem does NOT like to be the center of attention, doesn't want everyone noticing them, and doesn't go around trying to physically and emotionally abuse other people. On the other hand, a bully will try to get as much attention as possible, and will try to make a huge scene that everyone will watch.

Being Bullied? It's Not Your Fault

I actually don't know how to stop bullying at all. However, what I think could really help the victims is showing them that the bullying could never have been their fault or because there was anything wrong with them; the bullies were already narcissists, and you can't change or influence how someone else already is. So that would mean that the victims would have ZERO reasons to feel guilty about anything. All of the things the bullies said and did could never have been true; it never even had anything to do with the victims in the first place, or ever.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

"That doesn't mean that the bullies don't have their own issues to deal with, or that the desire to hurt other people doesn't come from them hating themselves..."

Actually, that's exactly what it means. You're arguing that bullies have high self-esteem and don't hurt others as a result of (low self-esteem) hating themselves, in fact it's the first thing you state.. but then say just because they don't do it for that reason, doesn't mean that's not why they do it..

wut.

You need some serious proofreading there.

That aside, it's been long known that bullying isn't an issue of self-esteem. It's an issue of education. Etiquette is a word, many people just don't know what it means.

[myTake Owner]

No, look at the two articles and the ' ' that I put around "high" in the title, lol. But to summarize, bullies have a high sense of self-importance aka narcissism. They think that they have the right to harm others and love the attention they get for doing it, which only adds to the high sense of self they feel. If you look at what the articles say, bullies DO feel ashamed of themselves, but not guilty and they don't regret what they did, which isn't how someone with low self-esteem would feel.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

How do you feel ashamed but not guilty? Being ashamed by definition is feeling guilty!
You can't feel ashamed but also feel not guilty and remorseless. That's the definition of not being ashamed.

Also, neither article implies anything about bullies feeling ashamed but not guilty.. in fact neither ever even say a derivative of the word guilt. One article seeks to inform people that bullies use their empathy to hurt others rather than lack empathy altogether. The other article seeks to draw parallels between popularity and bullying, but offers no evidence to suggest "cool kids" actually have high self-esteem, but rather just assumes it.

History suggests popularity isn't an indicator of high self-esteem. Countless actors, musicians and especially famous comedians who were nothing but adored, have showed us this through their chronic depression and works of art. My favorite, most tragic example is Kurt Cobain. But even more recently Robin Williams.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah it can be really confusing, but my point was that just because you feel ashamed or hate yourself, doesn't mean that you regret what you did to innocent people, at all.

[80HDx]

Narcissism stems from low-self esteem. It's the idea that they create themselves to be of higher importance to compensate for what they think they lack in reality.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I meant 'high' in the sense that bullies think they're really important, and LOVE being the center of attention. And, bullies don't really feel guilty, which is all the opposite from how someone with low self-esteem would feel.

[80HDx]

So it's not really a myth being disproved... also that's bad grammar in itself. If you disprove a myth, you are making it true.

Also, you don't need to feel guilty to have low self esteem. Not by a long shot.

[myTake Owner]

No, that's why I put the ' ' on "high", lol. And I meant disproved in the sense that the myth has been going around as fact for a long time now :p

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

I believe that there are many different types of bullies, and there are ones that bully because they have a low self esteem and want to feel better about themselves, and there are those who do it because they think they're better than everyone else, and have a huge ego.

[Anonymous]

It usually is the persons fault that they get bullied though. There was a girl I used to know who I used to bully all the time because her face was ugly.

[myTake Owner]

I guess this is a troll answer, but it's funny?

[Opinion Owner]

No I'm being serious. What's supposed to be funny?

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

Duh. A lot of the time people who call others bullies are just weak/depressed and misinterpret blunt feedback as bullying.

[myTake Owner]

You're funny. Also, this article was mainly for the kids who're told "Oh, you should just forgive the bully, because he's suffering so much he couldn't help it" The truth is, there wasn't any reason for the bullies to attack, except for the fact that they think they have the right to use innocent people, because of the their 'high' self-esteem.

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

Uh huh. You're probably too young to realize this, but when the bulk of society takes the side of the weak, it's a bad day for society, because it means most people ARE weak.

[myTake Owner]

Hrm, even if by standing up for people being picked on, they're all strong enough to actually help someone instead of standing around and letting the abuse happen?

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

The person being picked on should stand up for themselves.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, but it helps when people don't just stand around and watch... It would be really hard to stand up for yourself, if you felt like no one cared or everyone was against you.

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

True.

[myTake Owner]

LoL You actually sounded fair, most people don't admit when they're wrong or they don't reply :p I like you!

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

lol thanks. The truth is a lot of it is case by case basis. Some bullies are assholes. Some weak people are assholes. Too many fucking assholes :)

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, and some kids can lie about being bullied to get attention too :p I guess what it comes down to is that you can't change self centered people, and whatever's wrong with them has nothing to do with you and never will.

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

I still think it's wrong to assume bullies are self-centered. A lot of "bullied people" just can't take honest feedback. Like "you're fat". They grew up in soft families.

[NovemberJoseph]

I kinda knew this since like the first time I heard what bullying was.

[NovemberJoseph]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw this whole "bullies have low self esteem" thing as a myth