It's been a couple of months since my aunt died, and I don't think any of us has recovered not only from her sudden death due to health complications, but from her actual funeral. My aunt was everybody's best friend. She would sit and chat with you for hours about anything and offer up advice you actually wanted and needed to hear. She and her husband were high school sweethearts who married young and stayed married till death did them part. She loved my cousins with every fiber of her being and she was truly a pillar of the community doing charity work, anything related to her community and neighborhood that she could, and just a joy as noted by everyone who knew her.
She. had. no. secrets...
...or did she.
The funeral was actually going as well as it could go. It wasn't one that dragged on and on. My cousin, a pastor, was officiating and made it so it never got too sad, but focused on her uplifting words and messages, which is always nice when people are struggling to keep their sh*t together and not ugly cry.
We were now at the point where family and friends were invited to share a word or two. A man I didn't recognize, who informed us he was the clergy at her old church, stepped up to the podium and began letting everyone know what we all knew, that my aunt was a wonderful person, gone too soon. Heads nodded in agreement, and the chorus of regulated sniffles followed, but then he dropped the ultimate bombshell.
He looked out into the audience and announced to everyone, that my aunt had HIV. The shock and instant murmurs could audibly be heard reverberating up and down the aisles. I instantly looked to my cousins and their dad in the front row, to see if there was any confirmation in this. How did we all not know this? How was this even possible? Was this the real reason for her sudden death maybe not so sudden? The only way (other than a blood transfusion gone wrong) MY aunt could have gotten HIV is if maybe she cheated or her husband cheated on her and if you knew her and him, there was no way in hell.
Everyone was confused. The clergyman repeated this phrase, "she had HIV, she had HIV, she let me know, she had HIV." At this point, my mom's cousin stood straight up out of his chair absolutely furious and looked as if he were going to march up there and punch the guy flat out for besmirching her name at her own funeral, let alone not having this conversation with the family first in private. But he kept saying it again, and again, she was good, she had HIV. Then it was my uncle's wife who screamed out "what are you even talking about, you better clarify right now! She was a good woman, what are you saying?"
Then he said it, "I want everyone in this room to know, your aunt had HIV, 'Heaven in View."
You've got to be f------- kidding me with that! Jesus absolute Christ, the nerve of this guy to come to a funeral and say someone who did not have HIV, had "HIV," and not say what that actually meant for a good 10 minutes of blabbering on, only to say, it means "Heaven in View." Just imagine if that was your mother or your father this guy was talking about and here this guy comes with "Heaven in View". What in the actual f---?!?
Let's just say, THIS did not go over well! After the ceremony we had a meal at the church and my mom's cousin made a beeline straight for this guy to confront him. He told us later that the guy said he often used this as some sort of gimmick at his church seminars to get people to pay attention and listen as an icebreaker because of course when you hear HIV, you get that reaction, except this wasn't a f------ seminar, this was my aunt and her funeral, her kids and husband were right up front already grieving and you add this, which had everyone thinking my aunt had stepped out on her own family or had had other health issues that she had not disclosed with anyone and perhaps had been suffering in silence.
It was awful! It made me very upset that this guy thought this was appropriate to do. It was all anyone could talk about after the ceremony, and well, the clergyman kindly left soon after because of the discomfort and frankly anger he caused the entire family. Now her ceremony is just memorable for all the wrong reasons,. However, now months later still digesting it all, my mom said obviously she still thinks that this guy should have never said what he said about her beloved sister, however, my aunt being a bit of a jokester herself, she thinks probably would have gotten one last kick out of that. May she rest in peace.
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