Why do people think I don't know anything because I'm 14?

[StudyingAuthor]

Earlier today, I had a small debate about abortions. I'm guessing the person looked at my age before they made their snarky remark. I was then told that I didn't know what I was talking about, so I have to make a statement.

I have to say, you don't know my story. You want to shame me, then shame me! I try to be happy and cheerful about everything, but to think I don't know what I'm talking about because of my age is erroneous. To all the people who have thought of me as too young to understand, this post is for you.

I was raped before. (I don't want to reveal the details of who, how, or when.) I didn't want to carry out with bringing the child into life as seeing I'm a child myself. I'm unfit to take care of a child.

To say I was okay afterwards would be a lie. I cope with this by forgetting it. I pretend it never happened. But there's no more hiding in the shadows for me. I like to take care of children now, they help me feel calm. They let me know nobody is out to hurt me. I know you think "why does she babysit children if she didn't want her child?"

Babysitting is different, it isn't pour tonjours (forever. Or for always.) So, tell me what should I have done. Should I have let the child live a miserable life? Should I have let the child never know it's mother? Or was it my fault that I got raped? Tell me your thoughts since I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm just a kid who uses laughter as a coping mechanism.

[DoggyDude]

People who don't have a good argument against what your saying but feel emotionally invested in the answer, will fall back on cliches like "you'll understand when your older" or "when you have more experience you'll understand".

It's not always ill meant by the speaker, I know personally my own mother has resorted to such sayings (and it's always a 'win' card in any debate, because you can never become older than the person deploying this non-argument).

Though its not one way, so many younger people also deploy the inverse argument "you just don't understand" or "your out of touch". It just has lends less weight because whilst the above argument is oft unfairly deployed there is some irritating truth to older people generally having more experience or knowing better through experience.

So, ulimately the most wise people take criticism they disagree with and understand deeply why they disagree and articulate it (just as you have done with your take here).

(and I'm still boggling why there isn't a POST button on the US and the FAQ says to use the post button to create a MyTake)

[RebelinSteel]

Because people tend to be stupid and make assumptions that wisdom comes with age and miss out the entire bit on experience, intelligence and knowing shit. I respect what people say no matter their age, however the same holds true about talking crap, any age can do it lol

[Billlewis]

For the same reason they think that anyone over the age of 35 is ready to croak -- which is -- you're only the 'right' age from 18-29. Get used to it, because we're being classified, grouped, lumped, stereotyped and of course above all else, divided, primarily for political purposes.

[StudyingAuthor]

Well then, the can classify me with the listless girls who had abortions, with the listless girls who have dreams and aspirations, with the listless girls who were raped, with the listless girls who were metalhead, with the listless girls who love roller coasters, with the listless girls who are authors, with the listless girls who love to read.
The truth is nobody is the same, and the list goes on forever. Out of the who world, I'd probably be put with three girls who have had the same experiences, who want to do the same thing with their life, and who have the same loves.
You should probably look past the title sir.

[handsomelad70]

And the reason most people think we black men are dangerous and ugly. If you ever read the book,"Gone Girl," in which a woman fakes her death on the eve of her fifth anniversary, the woman in question, Amy Elliott Dunne, opines of her compatriots,"Americans love easy," because critical thinking is frowned upon in the good ol' U. S. A. On the other hand, in the sit-com "All In The Family," a man gave his often-teased special needs son a plaque which said, paraphrasing for 2024 sensibilities,"Everyone is my superior in that I can learn from them." So though I'm five times your age, I can learn from you, as can anyone else, StudyingAuthor.

[Flatmanlewis]

Okay, so there are two separate issues here. First, and foremost that you have had to survive and recover from such a unspeakably horrific act is heart breaking and you have both my respect for your strength and compassion for the unfairness of it. Please see professional help so that this doesn’t haunt you later in life, particularly in relationships.


Second, and more to your topic, why do people say/think you don’t know anything at 14? Well, it’s simple. They reflect back on how they were at 14 and are very aware they themselves knew absolutely nothing (compared to whatever age they are at now) and transfer that reality onto you.


Can somebody be mature at 14? Yes. Can they be smart? Yes, often times very smart and smarter than a lot of adults. Can they have life experience? Meh…kinda. I mean, you and many other teens (or younger) can have experiences far beyond anything most adults have. (The book by Ishmael Beah, A Long Way Gone, about a child soldier in Africa is the best example I can offer.) Yet, the undeniable reality is that almost no 14, or 15, or even 17 year old can really have is time. The time of having simply mileage on the odometer of life. Life experiences are built off failures, hard lessons, and being held to account for responsibilities. (This is why spoiled rich kids who never experienced these are almost always social idiots to lack emotional intelligence!)


Don’t think of it as “you don’t know anything”. Think of it as “you don’t know anything compared to what you’ll know in a decade.” You absolutely 100% have NOT peaked at 14. You have many, many, things to learn and come to understand in the next 10, 20, or 30 years. Even a tragic and demanding event like you experienced doesn’t substitute for the day-in & day-our grind of life.


As far as abortion, save yourself a ton of grief and strife in your life and leave that topic alone. It’s not worth it and you’re not changing anybody’s mind by talking about it.

[StudyingAuthor]

I want to help people, I want to let them know that they aren't alone, and I want people to finally tell me what I should do with my life since they want to rule it. That's why I had the questions at the end, prompting everybody to say what they want to say about me, prompting them to tell me that I was wrong.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You made the right choice because it was the choice that you felt you needed to do at the time. Regardless of that though, even if you had never been pregnant, it does not disqualify you for having your own opinion about abortions, regardless of your age, or your experiences, you can have your own opinions about things, and you can be informed about anything you choose to study.

in my opinion abortions are sometimes needed, such as when the mother is at risk for health complications. At such a young age, the risk of dying from giving birth is quite high, and that pregnancy never should have taken place to begin with. But ultimately you make the choice about how to deal with that, its your body.

[TheSpaceGnome]

When I was a child and teen, I had to put up with adults being condescending all the time, even though I was far more informed about most things than they were, so I get it, but there will always be people being critcal of you, and you need to stand up for yourself.

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you, I don't want to make it seem like I think I am an adult, I just want people to know that I'm not some stupid child regurgitating things my parents said.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Most people actually get dumber as they get older, because as children and teens, almost everyone has a lot of free time to discover things and much more spare memory to retain and understand things that are not responsibility related.

Exceptions exist, but most adults are mere shells of their former self intellectually. They are too overworked, burnt out, and preoccupied with stress to be anything else.

[Staximus]

People assume young people don't know much about anything and people don't know what you've been through. You shouldn't have to talk about what happened to you to make them see your point of view, either. It's best not to engage in arguments with idiots, you're just wasting your time. If you were raped and had an abortion, that doesn't make you a bad person. Any other sane girl would do the same. Anybody who thinks you should give birth to a rapist's child is the piece of shit, not you. I'm sorry you had to go through all this. Stay strong, don't let it drag you down.

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you. The argument is no longer visible... But this is what they argued against:
Having to look into the child's eyes everyday and seeing that moment in your life,
Not wanting to give the child a terrible life,
And the child never knowing it's mother...
Instead they wanted me to anonymously give away the child, put them in a box to be raised by someone else. I argued back that the only person I wanted to raise my child was the Lord, that If I couldn't do it... he could.
After that comment, the argument was no longer visible.

[MemeSupreme]

you gotta chill and im not saying it bc you don't have valid reasons to get triggered

it's bc it's easy to waste energy and time on these people who don't care. like you won't change their mind so no point wasting time on it. im speaking from experience bc i was on here at like your age and it was not worth it. ik it's frustrating when it's personal like this tho

[StudyingAuthor]

Thanks, I just want people to know the truth. I've been trying to be a normal kid for too long. I've tried to say the right things, do the proper thing in life, but I can't allow this to happen any longer. When the first person said I wasn't worth dog shit in a parking lot, I didn't feel like finishing the argument.
But when the second person said I didn't know anything about abortion... I had to say something. The pain I've had... physically and mentally would be beyond imagine for women who have never gone through such.

[AaronKrieger]

Here's my advice, stop using your trauma to get validation and do not get into debates about topics that you'll get emotional about.

- Use therapy for support instead, since it can help guide you in building your coping skills and maintaining emotional stability in your life. Your relationships will be impacted by your sexual trauma, so it's best to start early. Using people online for support will not stop your want to feel validated

- Take it as a challenge when people use your age against you. Have strong arguments with facts/studies to back it. Also, it's fine to acknowledge to them your age can be a factor.

- Debates are pointless 90% of the time, so just state your point and learn to walk away from it if nothing is gained from it.

I was on here debating at 14, too, along with experiencing sexual trauma as a kid, so I get it. Those are just my two cents having learned from the mistakes of myself and others.

[StudyingAuthor]

Well, I did all of these things, and I don't mind engaging in pointless debates. I actually wouldn't be able to babysit children if I hadn't taken therapy. Most of the time children don't know what they're doing (mainly babies) and their touch helps settle alarms that used to always go off. But I thank you for your opinion.

[genericname85]

the challange about being 14 is that you feel that you are mature enough to know a lot but you don't. you will know this is true once you're older but you can't see that now. it's hard to come to terms with that, cause you're sruggling with emotional self regulation, self determination and puberty in many cases. being that age is hard man. trust me it gets easier but you really are still a child. as a human you kinda are stupid and unfinished till you're 25. it is just what it is. not trying to put you down. i was there before. that's how i know.

[StudyingAuthor]

I know I am a child, what I'm saying is that people think I have no say in arguments that I obviously put myself into on purpose. I do not argue against/for something unless I have the full picture.

[genericname85]

you can't expect an adult to take children seriously in a discussion. part of it is their ego, which is unfair for you, cause an adult will not want a child to know better than them. it hurts their ego. and part of it is that they feel it's a waste of time to argue with a child, cause there's so many things that child didn't learn yet and even if it is right on the point it's making, that doesn't matter.

a big part of having an argument is the actual social and conversational skill around that. you can easily be right and still turn everyone against you if what you said is not said in a "smart" manner in termns of social dynamics.

[genericname85]

believe it or not, i struggle with the latter part till this day. cause i don't like being bothered with peoples emotions. i care for truth not for how people feel about it. but that gets me into heated bullshit arguments a lot in which i know i'm right and the other person gets just more angry by the second.

[genericname85]

for example if you use non politically correct language, which i personally love, people will still oppose your views, even though they know you're right.

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you. Most people wouldn't be bold enough to admit that they still mess up. Even I mess up, and desire to be right but am still wrong. I thank you for placing your opinion and I can honestly see you're a good person.

[genericname85]

if you wanna increase the chance of having a good conversation, i highly suggest Nonviolent Communication by marshall rosenberg. it's a bit annoying to use this communication style but people will much less likely get mad at you.

[StudyingAuthor]

Okay... I'll look into it.

[PixieGurl69]

Nicely said and I commend you for sharing your story... I am 29 years older then my daughter and also want to state that our youth is extremely educated in topics not taught in school and face situations and are far more exposed to life then most. My daughter was 14 and had the most profound words and advice during a hard time in my life.. at first my ego wanted to dismiss her and I'm glad I never did and put my pride away and accepted everything she said BECAUSE She Was Right and I continue to listen. I wish parents añd older people would listen to our youth, they have valuable opinions and teach us, keep us informed and up to date.

I am sorry that person dismissed you because of your age and I think you are a strong young lady and wise.

[Surely]

At your young age. You have been through more than most so called grown ups have. You’ve made a tough decision to do a controversial act that you should have never been put into in the first place.
i can’t imagine the pain that you have been going through. But, I can sense that you’re a survivor and I am sending my well wishes and prayers to you.

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you... I'm still a child though, but I want people to know my opinion does matter.

[Surely]

@StudyingAuthor. You may be too young to vote and do a lot of things. But you are mentally far from a child!

[StudyingAuthor]

I'm still a child in body, I have a lot more things to do with my life. Many dreams and ambitions that have to be fulfilled. I just want people to know my plight.

[ProbablyClueless]

Many adults are dismissive of young people because young people often lack life experience. It's the difference between someone's intelligence and wisdom.

The reality is that there's no shortcut to getting life experience. Adults have an unfortunate tendency to assume that young people haven't had the chance to gain that experience.

[exitseven]

I never thought you did not know anything. I think that you are pretty intelligent. I know I made a comment about you are too young to vote. It was an observation not an opinion. If I somehow offended you it is my lack of sensitivity.

[StudyingAuthor]

you didn't offend me... I was talking to other people who said stupid things. They know who they are.

[exitseven]

Okay- good. Don't let people here push you around.

[StudyingAuthor]

Thanks. That's why I made this post.

[Fireguy17]

everyone knows stuff.
Much of it can be based on your experiences in life. It sounds like you have not had the best of life at a young age, something no one should have to ever experience, yet you have. So, you have 1st hand knowledge on the subject, and what you did and how you reached that conclusion.
But so many people look at someone young and go they do not know anything, which is their loss.

[butterly248]

You don't need to explain why you had an abortion. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I hope you don't have to do that again. I know it's a lonely experience and I hope we both heal with time. Sending you all the best ❤️

[StudyingAuthor]

Have you gone through the same? (It's okay if you don't want to say.)

[butterly248]

Yes I have but I didn't get pregnant due to it

[StudyingAuthor]

Well, I send my love to you as well... some things aren't easy to get over right away.

[lil_will_12]

thankfully i can say i have not had that problem yet, i have thought about it though.

sorry for what happened too 😞 thats quite horrible (not what you did, what the guy did)

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you. As a fellow teen on here, I think it would happen more to females than males, and it still will happen, just not as often. I want all the teens on here to feel safe, that they are free to voice their opinions with me and that I won't shame them no matter what they say. Of course I want to do this by sharing something traumatic that happened to me, telling all that I'm not afraid of the dark secrets in life.

[Kaneki05]

Listening to idiots don't help. So when someone say's that to you just stop listening.
They don't have anything better to say.

[StudyingAuthor]

I have something better to say. I want them to come on this post and tell me what should I have done... In front of everybody else so that they can pull their lazy, ignorant, selfish, and racist behinds out of the abyss and be enlightened by the person who wouldn't know what they are talking about.

[strateguy632]

not your fault, i mean must not blame the victim.

but i have seen the series teen mom, so you know...

[StudyingAuthor]

I've never watched teen mom. What do you mean in your reference?

[WhitneySnow]

That’s awful!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you. But to answer your question, I hate it when people assume that about me, so I can only imagine how you must feel.

[HelpfulWoman]

Because it's the easiest way to "discredit" an argument in their head when they don't actually have a reasonable counter-argument

[riverrat3]

So very sorry this happened to you, and that you had to make such a decision, you made the correct choice for you, let no one tell you you were wrong. Take care

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you.

[riverrat3]

So welcome

[Dongie]

Probably because everyone knows that at 14 you DO know everything. 🌚

[StudyingAuthor]

I don't know everything at 14, (I know this comment was sarcastic.) but as I've told most people as of late, I'm referencing a specific situation, you should read. It helps a lot in life.

[Dongie]

So does a sense of humor.
As far as my (sarcasm) when have kids and they reach 14 you'll get the joke. Till then☮

[StudyingAuthor]

Well what do you propose? Is it my fault I got raped? Or am I another insignificant person who is a demon for having an abortion?

[Dongie]

Firstly I am very sorry you got raped. Rapist should get the death penalty. I have a sister that was raped and I almost killed the scum. I'm not going to lie. I didn't read anything other than the question. I figured it was a trivial school thing. I'm old enough to know I know not near everything. Your actions are between God and yourself. He will forgive that. I am against ending innocent lives but it's all in Heavens hands including the child. Put it behind you with prayer and know things will get much better as you grow up.

[StudyingAuthor]

Thank you.

[Dongie]

Made me cry. I hope they caught the guy.