Family & Friends

Sometimes It Doesn't Get Better



Art is long, and Time is fleeting,


And our hearts, though stout and brave,


Still, like muddled drums, are beating


Funeral marches to the grave.


Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



As pessimistic as you would like to make me out to be, this is the truth. When you lose someone, that person is gone forever. The worst thing that someone could tell me is "it will get better." Or if you have many religious friends, "Just trust God." When I was 16, my father unexpectedly passed from a heart attack. He used to spend a lot of his time where his boat was docked and a few days a week he would spend the night there. One day while jogging, August 29, 2011 to be exact, he went into cardiac arrest that left him lifeless on the side of the road. He couldn't get the help he needed when the time came.


My father and I could relate to that. I didn't get what I needed from him in the time that he was alive. Although there could have been circumstances where we could have really hashed things out and healed some wounds, it never happened. As much as I am at peace with his death, I am not at peace with what it has left me. It's left me as a broken individual who is unable to be nurturing to others because I myself lacked that in my former years.




I also was raised in an extremely religious household and my father was a pastor. I felt that he gave all of his time to the church, but neglected the needs of his family. Although he was a loving and caring man, he didn't realize that the love and care should have been towards his own family. So when people said "Just trust God" after I felt that he just took my father away, I was a little displeased to say the least. Most of those came from ignorant peers who hadn't lost someone.


I'm not trying to make anyone feel pity on me. I'm just trying to say that death leaves so many things unresolved. Of course it would never be the right time for someone we love to die, but there's so much we take for granted or think we have time to fix before that happens. Before he died, I hadn't experienced much death in my life. Death was not a reality in my life yet, therefore I didn't take the time to notice that the right time to fix relationships that we care about is now.


To put it in short, never tell someone that it gets better. Death is different for everyone. We all grieve differently and sometimes our grief periods never end. Although we learn to accept what has happened, there will always be something missing. Who we are and the way we think will never be the same. For all of you who have lost someone, let me say that I have no idea what you're going through. What you are going through is your own experience and do whatever you need to do to get through it.

Sometimes It Doesn't Get Better
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