Why I Should Never Have Listened To Crazy People Or My Parents About Being Rebellious

[Anonymous]

My parents relationship and my feelings about it fit this article to a T: I Wish My Parents Had Gotten Divorced

And yet...I'm glad that I lived with my family, because they taught me something very useful about dealing with people: When you're dealing with manipulative people, you can't be totally honest or open with them...especially when they're hypocrites!

My older brother with his insane, (yet non-hypocritical and semi-honest) self taught me how to deal with our parents and other people, in a roundabout way.

What do I mean?

My brother has rebelled from our mother and father his ENTIRE life. He's always broken things (dozens of things/machines around our house) and has been insulting our parents daily and nonstop forever. I don't agree with his behavior, but I honestly see his perspective now.

I realize now that my older brother had the right attitude all along, and so now I feel like an idiot.

However, to make it clear: As far as I know (and since I'm his younger sibling I'm 99% sure) my brother has no interest in drugs or drinking. Like me, he's actually really against drugs (we've had family members in the hospital who suffered from side effects from medications, and we've known people who's personalities changed when they drank/did drugs although thankfully they never lived with us!), so he's never tried them...He's not THAT insane, in other words.

So what am I talking about?

Well, it dawned on me one day: If our parents are so willing to act like toddlers then why should I treat them like they're adults when they won't do the same for me?! The consequences of not understanding that about people, could probably easily explain 90% of the posts asking for help on this website.

Why didn't I realize this before?

Because, EVERY adult I've ever spoken with in my life has always said that teens are terrible and being rebellious is bad...and with how my borother acted, of course our parents totally agreed (despite acting like toddlers on a daily basis themselves).

Once again, I have to mention this to avoid the comments: I'm not planning on or have any desire to go drinking or do drugs. I'm not looking to go fucking a lot of guys. I understand that boys my age mainly want to hookup and nothing else. I've spent weeks, and even up to months now researching everything about finances and various things that I need to know before I move out.

So by rebelling I mean...?

Well, the fact of the matter is that the adults in my life have always told me to be nice and tolerate or igonre mean people. Which is a huge problem, because they NEVER mentioned how manipulative people might take advantage of me.

On top of that, adults who said those things would trashtalk teens and assume that they don't understand anything because of how young they are (so, the 30+ year old family members that I have who can't even pay bills on their own, or have a calm and mature conversation with anyone are mature then?).

Trying to force someone to be naive doesn't protect them from anything, and it can very easily make them targets for other people. I will never understand or forget that the adults in my life were so dishonest with me. They were older and KNEW how people could act, and never mentioned anything or warned me. I don't know why they didn't but...That's such a dangerous thing to do to someone.

So I actually feel fairly blessed that I lived with my family before having to deal with other adults face to face. I'm not insulting my parents or acting like how my brother does, I'm just stealing his idea; that you have to deal with people how they NEED to be dealt with, not always

"Treat people like how you want to be treated". Oh Please!

[Anonymous]

I so understand this. I was brought up by my mother and even though she can be very sweet and caring, she has a very brutal side to her at the same time. She can't manage her finances and until this day she hasn't shown me how to do basic things around the house, or how to properly take care of your hygiene. When I look back on my childhood I realize I did most things on my own and it's not that I have a problem with it, it's that when I talk to her about it she totally blocks it off and doesn't take the criticism at all.
I'm studying under a professor right now who has started to manipulate me into an affair and I didn't realize it because my mother had always said that he's so wonderful and it's such an honor that I can learn with him. She even told him that in front of me and that was like saying "I am too dumb to understand any of this, please bang my daughter even though you are married and have kids". I tried to tell her about it but she said I shouldn't talk so badly about him, ha.
And I've developed a kind of eating disorder from the stress of having a pseudo-home where I am cared for, when in reality no one teaches me how to do shit and rather blocks the way to a proper adulthood by being a naive kid. I also told her about my eating problem because I couldn't control it anymore, her response was that it's normal, she also used to have that as a teen. Too bad it's been going on for years now, normal my ass.
Not to mention that she punishes me with a very mean attitude towards me when I don't do as she pleases. Good God.

Being rebellious is just a label - you have to think for yourself and if you want to live a healthy life and someone is making that harder for you, one must act accordingly. Be smart, hard-working and fun-loving. You will find the right friends and the right life for you and you will be able to forgive them one day.

[Regnatrix]

My girlfriend is running into a problem similar to yours, aka parents who are very controlling and make people around them feel uncomfortable. This might sound crazy but her parents are so controlling that they do the following:

-She could only use a credit card so her parents can check what she bought, no debt card and ATMS allowed
-She's not allowed to drive a car at anytime
-She can never be home alone, constant supervision from parents is a must
-If she goes out somewhere, she needs to tell her parents where she is at and call them every 4-6 hours for safety reasons
-A GPS system is locked into her dad's phone so he knows where she is at any time

The sad part is, she's 23! I wouldn't blame her for wanting to be rebellious if she felt like being locked in a cage all the time. She even tries to tell her parents how unfair these things are, that she wants to get her shoes dirty but they talk like toddlers saying how immature she's being (This is what she's telling me). Because of the lack in communication and constant struggle for power, most of the time she treats her parents like crap verbally because they treat her like crap. No one is winning here and everyone in that household is miserable. I even tried to tell my girlfriend that even though they are being unreasonable, try doing something nice for a change. It might help someone here. Seems like every time that happens, nothings changed.

I can see your point here. You shouldn't be nice 24/7 because people can take advantage of you but don't be a complete jerk where people can't stand being around you. It's trying to find that balance I guess. I hope in the future the adults in your life will be much better then what you experienced :3

To be honest, I'm nice to everyone I meet, no matter how badly I'm treated or used and I still feel very content and happy ^_^

[AlabamaBelle]

It is very hard when you are a teen and at that matter its hard to be a young adult too. I am a parent and I don't know your parents but I can say that as parents we are responsible for teaching our children the right way, which means to also prepare them for the world. I believe totally that many people or young adults, that have problems with paying their bills, managing their checkbook, paying credit cards off when they come in instead of gaining balances, haven't been taught these responsibilities. Therefore become incompetent adults and the chain just continues. The same goes for not teaching your children to take up for themselves with mean and manipukative people, preparing them for all things of the world that parents should teach them. Parents are human and cannot possibly be perfect. You will be a parent one day and will understand this statement. Rebelling against them anyone or anything at that matter will not help you but only hurt you. The best advise I can give to you is to break those chains. Do better! Learn from their mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them in effort to give your children the valuable skills to make a great adult and a ethically, an morally responsible citizen. Also try to find at least one thing a day that your thankful for that your parents have done or instilled in you. Fight negative with positive and positive will prevail. You can do this, I have faith and I can see that your a very mature young person that has a will to make things different and set good examples. Break those chains and when you look back you will have made a Huge change. Knowing you hadn't gotten into trouble for rebellion because your decision to not be disrespectful regardless what they do or say makes you a much bigger adult person. All through life you will use this advise. Whether it be at home, college, work place or just in public, being respectful, setting good boundaries and learning from others creats a strong Godly foundation to pass down.

[myTake Owner]

I probably should have added more details, but that was the point of my MyTake! I meant that I decided to rebel away from the idea of being nice when people treat you badly.

Actually this sums it up: "Learn from their mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them"

[myTake Owner]

Although this actually misses the point of the MyTake: "Deciding to not be disrespectful regardless what they do or say makes you a much bigger adult person."

No, I learned that sometimes you need to deal with people by being disrespectful, if they act that way towards you. Not by starting a fight, but by standing up for yourself, and not just ignoring or acting "nice".

[Anonymous]

Totally going through the same thing! I was so much sheltered by my mother that I didn't really know how the real world was like. Why wasn't I making friends and the ones that were supposedly my friends why were they using me? Why was I socially awkward and felt so self conscious about myself? I didn't realize that all of that plus more was because of the lack of parenting that came from my mother.. Once I grew up and were around a few NORMAL adults to soon realize that it was never you that was the problem, it was how you were programmed to be. Yes, I agree rebellion is a good thing if your under major control considering your age. Without the accept ion of drugs and alcohol..

[Anonymous]

My parents are the exact same, I never understood how manipulative and selfish people could be until I was abused by a guy. I really hate it how my parents (especially my mum) sheltered me from that my entire life. They never warned me that anything like that could happen so I didn't have any clue what to do when I was in that situation.

[legalboxers]

wish I knew this earlier. I was manipulated by my 2 of my exs :(