Guys~how to get unfriendzoned?

[Anonymous]

We talked all the time in the past and then we started taking things past flirting. I told him I liked him and he said I was just a good friend. Every time we are together he is all over me. We quit talking and seeing each other as much due to schedule conflicts. Now I messed up and let things get to far this weekend. He is acting like nothing happened. How do I get unfriend zoned by him? Also does he see this as just a one night stand or friends with benefits even though I have expressed my feelings?

[SteelyMcBeam]

A) Have you asked him how he feels yet, or are you just saying stuff and not asking for his views?

B) Don't jump to conclusions just yet as he may have been too busy to even think straight. Are you SURE you were friend-zoned?

C) Personally, all women have to pass through my friend zone (and also maybe Green Hill Zone depending on the situation) in order to be in my more-than-friends-zone. It IS possible to get back together down the road if you do break-up. But it's super difficult and it's GUARANTEED he will need enough time away from you to forget what you were like. You can only get out of just-friends zone with time and PROOF that you are a different person -and it's impossible to prove you are a different person without being forgotten about to some extent. Also, a potential spouse pretty much has to be able to live everyday life with me at least as comfortably as a good friend could (Seriously: can you see yourself in a long-term relationship with someone you can't live with?)

D) I could never personally do a one-night stand myself as I would like to sleep a number of times with a woman whom I like. Then again I'm a virgin still so I can't really say this is true for men who've tasted vagina (don't get me wrong I was just holding my own erection moments ago, so I am horny as hell -but I want to be horny with a girl who wants more than a one-night stand). If this guy is not unlike myself he will not consider you a one-night stand; he *may* consider you a friends with benefits if you approach him with that attitude. Otherwise you are a special person to him whom he wanted to share a special moment with.

[Asker]

I asked him, he said I was just a good friend. These other nice men say I am not friend zoned. We have never been together. Shortly after I met him I became pregnant and we just stayed friends, that was about 7 or 8 years ago.

[SteelyMcBeam]

If he told you this recently, then I have bad news: you can't change his mind anytime soon. If he told this to you 7 or 8 years ago, then you might have a chance to get together again.

If you are 24 now that would have made you 17 at the latest, a time when people tend to experiment (or at least I'm told)...

[Asker]

I was 15 when we met. And he told me this a little over a year ago.

[SteelyMcBeam]

Approximately 50% of the world's 7 billion people are male.
You can and will meet a man who will return your affections, but the current guy you are after isn't going to change his mind within AT LEAST the next two years probably (and you will end up having to PROVE yourself to him again).

Instead of that, I think you should try dating other men.
Consider speed-dating, online dating, and meet-up groups.
Sure you will get hit-on by all kinds of weirdos and guys who just want FWBs, but you might also find a few gems in the rough (you just have to take an active role to find them).

[Asker]

Thank you for all of your advice. I will take everything into consideration.

[Tractorbeam]

If he's been all over you when he sees you, and "things went too far" on the weekend, I'd say you're still in with a good chance.If you're friend zoned, it doesn't get that far.

You could try some of this cdn.preterhuman.net/.../...20Love%20with%20You.PDF if you'd like him to stay around.You'll have to put in some effort.

[Asker]

So your saying that the things he doesn't like about me, I'm going to have to change some of them if they are in reason to get the man I want?

[christinalong338]

if someone doesn't want to date you, they don't want to date you. you're essentially asking how do i make a guy like me back? he told you himself you're just a "good friend" not a one night stand, or friends with benefits, or a potential girlfriend. just a friend. you've expressed your feelings, he's expressed his. that's it.

[Anonymous]

You don't sound friend zoned. Not if he was all over you. It sounds more like he wants to keep you on the back burner, while he looks for something better. He isn't interested in committing to you, either because he thinks he can do better, or because he isn't interested in committing to anyone. He sounds like a player.

[Asker]

Ok I see where you are coming from. But if I am not friend zoned, and you believe it could be because he thinks he could do better...how do I get him believe he can't do better, that I am the best?

[Opinion Owner]

Right now he knows you aren't going anywhere, which means he can neglect you and you will still be there waiting for him when he is ready. He is your priority, and you are only an option. Remind him he is only an option, by dating other guys. This might force him to act, or risk losing you. Even if it doesn't work, you might meet a great guy, so you have nothing to lose by trying this.

[Asker]

I have done that. This has been going on for over three years. Our best friends are best friends, so he hears every time I'm dating a new guy. It only makes him mad and he gets closer for like a month then backs away again.

[Opinion Owner]

Then don't let him get closer without making a commitment to you. It sounds like he is giving you just enough attention that you don't get away. I really think you should forget about him, and find a guy that is willing to make a commitment to you.

[Asker]

Thank you. I know I deserve better and I would love to find a guy that I connect better with, but there is something about this man that gets the butterfly's going and makes me feel nothing when around other men.

[Opinion Owner]

He is a player. Players are good at getting women to feel like that. That is how they get to be players in the first place.

[Asker]

Very good point. I just don't see him as a player though, or maybe I'm just going in blind.

[Opinion Owner]

Women rarely see a guy as a player, when everyone else sees it, because her emotions don't want it to be true.

[Asker]

No one sees it, they all think we are together.

[Asker]

I'm referring to our friend we see when partying, but not the close nit friends that know. They would agree with you. They don't like what he's doing and they don't understand it because he's normally not like this.

[Vish123]

I feel he sees this as just a one night stand or friends with benefits.