I hate my brother's girlfriend. Any tips on getting over it?

[Anonymous]

My brother and his girlfriend have been together for three years now and I can't stand her! She is rude, selfish, self absorbed and mouthy. It's not enough she is disrespectful to my brother, but now she is being rude to my mother! I am pretty much forced to like this girl to keep the peace. In reality I'd like to punch her in the throat. She hates his friends and complains whenever they come over. She's even locked herself in her bedroom for hours because he had friends over for a party. She has no job, but kept pressuring him to buy a house and two trucks. Now he works steady to keep up with the monthly payments. She also acts like she is his boss. If he is here with my family, she'll call over and over and ask him where is he and to come home even though he just came over. This girl is very hard to like. Any good advice any of you have had in dealing with something like this?

[Ozanne]

Oh my god, I swear you are me ten years ago. My brother basically had this EXACT same girlfriend who turned in to his wife. I couldn't stand her, and I'm the vocal one in the family. Only in our case, she brought three of her kids in to the situation, and my brother, who had one daughter was basically pushed out of the family because she thought her kids were better. This drove us all bananas. No one knew what to do about it. Everyone just shrugged and said, "Well, he makes your brother happy that's all that matters."

Well, this was sort of true, my brother, who is a wet noodle anyway, did seem to enjoy his new life with her. They got married, he gave up his daughter, took on her kids, they bought a home, got some dogs, la la la nicey nicey life...

One day I blogged about it, and had no idea it would be found out. Now I never said anything *horrible* in the blog - just that I had an ignorant sister in law who was full of herself and had no regard for our family. I went on to say things that had nothing to do with her, just that having in-laws like this hurt the family and if we don't speak again, it would be a blessing. Almost immediately after, I deleted that blog post. But not before some coward who knew me decided to make trouble anonymously and sent her the link to the blog.

So that was it. It was out there, she knew, and here we are years later and I no longer have a brother either. Neither will speak to me. In fact, they barely spoke to my parents either because they lumped them in with it for taking my side. It was a mess. Really though, I took the blog post down right away because I had poster's-remorse and didn't want it out there. Had someone not been in the mood to share it then no one would have read it. Now, instead of being phony, I just don't have to talk to her again. Which is fine... but pretty awkward. Now we all have to arrange our family dinners and everything to avoid.

I actually wished I hadn't done that so I could just avoid on my terms, but now she's been a bitch, her being a bitch was outed, and my being a bitch by letting her know she's a bitch just made me just as bad in some ways, you know? I wish I could have remained neutral and not known how I felt so she could carry on and be the family bad guy. Now I'm wearing it too.

So my advice to you is... I hope you don't end up like me and say something to ruin what's left of any family harmony. Judging by what you've described, she will make things a living hell if you do. :(

[Asker]

Wow I am so sorry to hear about all you went through! I love my brother dearly and it would kill me if we didn't speak. I am very vocal too but my mother always wants me to bite my tongue to avoid an argument. I'm the youngest but my mother always expects me to be the one who stops a fight even if one is started with me. I've also confronted this girl multiple times in the years they have dated.

There has been times where she tried turning my brother against me by taking what I say out of context. It caused huge problems between him and I and I blew up on her. She has no siblings. So she has little concept of how close my family is. My brother's lifelong friends have approached us on multiple occasions talking about how they dislike her. I think my brother must have extreme insecurity issues if he thinks she is all he can get. We all love him but cannot stand this girl. She comes from nothing but acts as if she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

[Ozanne]

Well based on my bad experience, my tip to you is just keep on keepin' on. Don't erupt on her as if you have to save the family or your brother. Hopefully she'll sink herself in time. In my case my brother married her, and we were all just dreading it. My blog post wrecked it all, and I never even got the satisfaction to tell her to her face. I had hinted in the last some things I hated, but it never did me any good, she would just get drunk and pile on me. She always thought (and probably still does) that she is better than me. Clearly not when no one liked her, and everyone liked me. If your brother is happy, just leave it and only find those rare alone times when the timing is right to say, "You sure you're happy?" but don't let on that you think they should break up or it will cause resentment toward you. If you see that he really is happy, nothing you can do. Guys are often not in a great position to choose a girl over their families because they'll choose the girl. :(

[KAZ-2Y5]

I would most likely hate her to by your descriptions. I remember my brother was dating this girl who I don't think she ever liked him I honestly believe she only dated him to make her ex-boyfriend jealous. She later broke up with him and immediately got back together with her ex-boyfriend meaning she never had feelings for my brother. He was so upset about it but the other while he was driving us both to school he asked me to send a text and I wanted to scream when I saw her number under the recently sent text messages. I can recognize her number because she called my phone a thousand times thinking it was his. He has not her true colors not only that he told her that i hate her and now she hates me which is stupid necause i have a reason to hate her while she just hates me because i hate her

so all I can really tell you is one of these is going to happen A. He will see her true colors by himself B. You will snap you guys will get into a huge and he will either realize you're right and break up with her or ignore you and continue dating her. C. They got married and your family suffers

[Asker]

Hoping it's the first choice! He should do it while he's young and can still get out. She's very manipulative and I see her trying to take half of what HE worked for.

[Anonymous]

She's even locked herself in her bedroom for hours because he had friends over for a party- this does not sound terrible.

And I would have to witness to feel the rudeness.

You can't really do much. It's your brother's relationship. Please don't be like those people that tell your brother about her bad behaviors.

If she is directly being rude to you, snapping at you, etc, then approach her directly.

[Asker]

I don't know if you have a brother or sister, but imagine their significant other ripping them to shreds right in front of you. Then they are rude to your mother. Obviously I can't do or say anything to him because I love him. But it is extremely difficult having to be nice when she is outright offensive.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, I would not tolerate that as well. If she is being rude to mom, I would speak up immediately to her. Be nice if you have to but you can also speak up without sounding rude.

[AdenAK]

The trick to deal with someone you dislike is to completely ignore them and never talk to them first. Most people would realise they're disliked and try to pin point what's wrong. Your boyfriend is clearly a very nice guy and I understand your concern but he's an adult even if she sounds like the type to ask for £400 shoes and he can't afford it you have to let him make the mistake.
What people dont realise is that now your bro is married his loyalties are transitioning he will believe her more if you were to speak some sense into him. The saying 'blinded by love' applies to him because he cannot see that she isn't dating material. I wouldn't get on her bad side because she has the power to manipulate him against you. The best you can do is stick up for him in less serious matters like the way she speaks to him she'll realise your standing up for your bro and become less ruDe.
Try to be around his girlfriend less and when they are around show dislike in your demeanor towards her. If she speaks rudely to your mother tell him without sounding accusatory. You dont want to be the one breaking them up regardless her being a bitch. It's one of those things in life you have to deal with.

[KDA20]

She seems a bitch but if you ask him to choose, he will choose her - All you can hope that he sees her true colours soon.

[Asker]

I can't ask him to choose. It wouldn't be fair. Just hoping he sees her true colors before he wastes anymore time with this girl.

[_heyitsme_2022]

HI! I also hate my younger brother's girlfriend-turned-wife. I didn't like her when she started to live with us when my brother was still studying. I didn't think it was right. It was just me and my brother at home always. I hated her when I felt that she wasn't treating my brother respectfully. She was kinda acting dominantly even when she speaks to him. Forgive my English by the way, I'm not an English native. So I've been telling my brother that she had to be the one to do their laundry, show humility by helping on cleaning the house, etc. But she never did. I guess he didn't tell her. And so after a year or two, I finally got pissed by her kinda having the nerve to mock me at our house. That's disrespectful and I am the eldest so I really will not let that pass. Then I confronted her and she got the nerve to talk back. And so I hated hating her there and I even told her to leave our house but she wouldn't. I didn't know people like that exist. I still hate her up to this moment, it's been 4 years I guess. I didn't want to just keep quiet and stay calm. Bitches like that even deserve to be punched or slapped or something. I mean you can do and say whatever you want in your own house.

[Anonymous]

Ypu don't have to like her. Just tolerate her. She sounds horrible, but it is your brother's problem and choice. You just need to accept it and tolerate it. I mean, I don't think you need to see this bitch everyday right?
My advice is; try not to care about her. Be polite but rather stay further away. You'll just get annoyed if you have to accociate with her.

[evenlift]

You are right to hate her.

But, by definition, you can't force someone to be rational. So, there's not much you can do. Express your opinion on this matter to your brother once, and then just avoid his girlfriend as much as you can.

[Asker]

These are just a couple of the issues as well. I'm going to try avoiding her. I know there is nothing I can say or do without seeming like a bitch. I just can't stand this girl and wish my brother would do better. I don't see how he could allow her to get away with her b. s.

[evenlift]

He probably has low self-esteem.

[Asker]

I think so too which is nuts. He's a hard worker who stays active and all of my friends think he's cute. He can do way better than the troll queen.

[evenlift]

You could try to encourage one of your friends to snag him, if you think one of them would suit your brother.

[Anonymous]

Confront the brother about it. And if he just can't break up with her for whatever reason, trick her into a somewhat cheating situation that would make the brother break up with her. And if he still doesn't do it, either drop it entirely or just push her out of the family yourself.

[523206720]

Find a different and hotter girl who has a JOB and get her to hit on your brother. Its the only way to get rid of her.

[Uptick715]

Sheis probably really good at blowjobs. You should ask her for advice