My mom wants to force me to be so religious what should I do?

Question

I don't want to say what religion she follow but she's so religious and i'm not like her. I told her that i don't want to be like her and this is my life and i want to live on my way, but she started hating me so much. She started harming me by saying bad stuff to make me feel bad and hurt my feelings and pray for me all the fucking time to be so religious like her. My dad and i are the same but she refuse to let us choose to live our lives the way we want not obsessed with religion like her. Whenever we try to discuss this topic she starts yelling at me and do crazy stuff to prove me wrong in everything. I'm so sick of her and my life and crying all the time because of her. I love her but i don't want her to act like this.

Kacik · Accepted Answer

She puts the religion first, you second - very baaad parenting indeed! Especially when it is RELIGION, no proofs, just mythology and theories. I understand its role for some people, but here is the line and your mum just crossed it. You do not force your beliefs on other people! Like - I am on a diet and so should you! I can understand, and in a way respect other people´s choices, but this behaviour I cannot respect. How silly and illogical. Aaaand I bet she is acting against her religion if she is so mean.

However, from her point of view, if she is so strongly religious, then she´s worried about your "soul" (it is "soul", isn´t it?) and about hers too, I guess... She values this soo much that she might feel like she failed at parenting. Perhaps your dad not being religious or whatever is the one thing she could barely handle and maybe it is the main thing she hates about him and now it turned out that you are more like him than her in this respect and she cannot handle it. It is in human nature to do two things - run away (give up, ...) or attack (yelling,...) in order to handle a conflict if one cannot deal with it rationally. (to be honest, religion is hardly rational)

I don´t know for how long this has been going on, but to answer your initial question - I´d try to avoid the topic, when she feels like she´s ready to discuss it, then do it. And stop everytime, she starts to be mean and attacky. She probably needs time to get accustomed to the idea. Find support in your dad, but not to the extent of excluding her from your life. She might feel excluded if you two pair up. If she starts bitching about it, leave the room saying that when she is ready to talk about it quietly, then you will do so. Maybe try to find some compromise? (like "I´ll accompany you to church because it is important for you and I love you, but you´ll do something equally important for me. Show me that you want to find a common ground.")

It must be very difficult for you and it will be even more. I advise patience. Wear it like an armour.

I´m just so glad that I grew up in an atheist country, with all schools teaching evolution.

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

I would say, "Well, you're not representing your religion very well, Mom. I guess I really have made a better choice."

Anyone who resorts to name-calling, insulting, berating, threats, and everything else unpleasant toward another person is obviously not abiding by whatever good they believe their religion stands for. I don't care if it's a Christian who feels it's okay to insult gays, or fundy Muslims who think it's okay to kill people, none of them represent what the core of the religion is supposed to stand for. Most religions have a foundation of good, but they get messed up when common people just decide what their interpretation of their holy books mean to justify their actions.

I'm atheist, so I'm in the camp that you should decide for yourself what makes you happy, and let your mother pray to her god to find guidance as she learns to live with that. Religion is supposed to be about that particular person's relationship with their god. If they lose sight of that, then it just shows that either they don't get that part, or else their religion really doesn't work.

Tielove · Accepted Answer

You need to have a serious sit down with your mom and explain to her that you love her and you respect her beliefs, but she is creating a wedge between the two of you, by trying to force her beliefs upon you. Explain to her that you do not have to be a religious, in order for you to be a good person. Tell her that you are more focused on being a good person and leaving the world a better place than it was when you found it, than you are on man made religion. Tell her that religion has oppressed people for thousands of years and you do not want to take part in it... But, also remind her that she raised you to be a decent person, that is able to think for themselves and make decisions based on things that make sense to you and feel right within your heart. Not what some outdated book or religion tells you to think or feel. Good luck, I hope things get better love.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Is she muslim? Cuz they tend to be a little crazier than it's normal.
Anways, it's time to start your double life where you just agree with her and pretend you are on her side but do your own thing when she isn't looking.
Every person is entitled to their opinion and at some point people start forming theirs, which might differ from their parents. This can cause conflicts but we've all been through it more or less, hence the double life.

Yumix · Accepted Answer

I would let her know how disappointed you are in her that she cares more about the religion than what her daughter actually wants, that she is selfish and that she doesn't respect your beliefs.
Tell her that forcing it on you has the opposite effect and that you start to hate it the more she tries and that she gives any shit about her relationship to you then she should stop trying because religion is something you have to believe yourself in. Ask your dad, he might be okay with putting up with it, but make him know how much it bothers you.

you have the following choices:
- convince her that trying to change your mind doesn't work and that she should respect your decision
- get some distance between you two... if she sees that she's losing you because of it, she will overthink what she's doing
- put up with it until you don't live with them anymore.
- get help from your dad or even someone external

tha_vegangsta · Accepted Answer

If you live with my under her roof respect her wishes and go by her rules, when you move out show her how grown you are. And how you can think for yourself. I had the same thing happen to me I acted like I was more into then my mother once I left my mom house it all left also. My mom came to visit me and was like where is your holy scriptures at? I told her not in the unholy house. Don't do those but I got over 100 books that you would love

phil2 · Answer

You have to try to understand her and empathize with her. Say something like "I understand that you love me, and that you just are afraid that when I die I won't be saved" or whatever and then you have to tell her that it is your choice to choose to believe or not. Tell her that she is free to give you reasons to believe but that she can't force you to do it because it is your personal conviction that makes you believe or not believe something.

truthbeknown · Answer

You kinda have to word things differently with her. Tell your mom you love her. Tell her you will always respect her views. Thank her for teaching you and giving you the lessons and tools you needed to make your own life decisions. Tell her you mean no disrespect but you have to lead your own life to live. Don't mention what religion, if any, you have chosen, this will only lead to a fight.

2167Phillip · Answer

your only option is to run away from home. im serious. you might try throwing tantrum. or going to the school counselor and expressing your feelings. or you could go to the government (if you live in america) and say tpur beong forced into something you dont want to do. if it were me? id run away from home

CisScum · Answer

Aw it'll be okay, fuck religion tbh. Nothing good comes out of it these days and you shouldn't be forced to believe something you don't want to believe. She isn't exactly painting a pretty picture for people who are religious either. Honestly doesn't it say somewhere you gotta be nice or something in all religions. I'm sure treating your daughter like shit isn't going to get u to the after life of whatever religion it is.

OrangeBoy · Answer

Be more with your dad. Also, make him react... he seems to passive, what the hell he's waiting for? He have to defend you and himself...

BoopPeenParty · Answer

Tell her she's pushing you away from religion. You'd rather find out what it's about by yourself. If she asks you how it's going overreact and tell her you hate religion because religion to you is just her nagging

FrenchyRomain · Answer

you do what you want, she has no right to force a religious belief onto you. If you feel that you are a believer than you ask to be part of the faith, if you are feeling that you believe in another religion than your mother's she has no right to stop you, and finally if you feel like you believe in nothing than you can if you want to ;)

Glitz_Glamour · Answer

I'm sure God wants you to love him and worship him willingly. Forced to be part of a religion isn't giving your life to him wholeheartedly.

Bobbyhill1 · Answer

so you have talked to your dad about it, now your mother only does it when he is not home. every time she acts up poor holy water on her and show her a picture of your father until she gives up

AynonOMouse · Answer

That's the way religious fanatics act.  Just spend more time with your dad. She can't make you do anything if your dad is on your side.

NajemEddine · Answer

if she muslim u are fucked people try always to make other pray...  they forget that the lord said  : There is no compulsion in religion

Saoirse_Nua · Answer

Talk to your dad about it - See what he says.

foil7 · Answer

Have a sit-down talk with her. Talk with your dad too.

RussianBlonde · Answer

That's so horrible. Forcing someone to do something that they hate just only push the other person away.

93stepsawayfromhome · Answer

Wait until you're not financially dependent on her anymore, then cut her out of your life immediately.

PG1997 · Answer

Be with your dad and cut her off. This is obviously hard but a real mother puts her f*cking daughters feelings over any damn religion.

Anonymous · Answer

scream "oh my god" when she loses her shit and i'm sure she'll pick up on your religiosity.

bubbletrouble · Answer

Just take it. American youth could use some Christian values.

Nitanica · Answer

We could help you better if we knew what religion it is, why is it a big secret?

ProfessorMother · Answer

You have a horrible mother. She should not being forcing you to do something that you do not like.

My mom wants to force me to be so religious what should I do?

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