Afraid to Grow Up and Move Out, Has Anyone Else Had This Problem? What Did You Do?

Anonymous
I'm about to turn 19 and will be starting my second year of college soon. I live at home because the university is in the town where I live. On-campus living is expensive, so I feel that living at home for college is justified.

The thing is, I worry about the day when I have to move out. I just got used to high school and now I'm in college and I'm having trouble adjusting to things. I constantly keep myself up at night thinking about how easy it was as a child and how I'm not ready to grow up. I can't deal with all the change. Everything feels like it's going too fast. Before I know it I'll be graduating college and everyone will expect me to get a job in another city and get married.

My parents don't mind me living at home. My sister does too and she is in college, but she's getting and apartment with her friends. My younger sister has one year left of high school and she said that once she graduates she's getting out as fast as she can. My parents say I can stay with them as long as I need, but I feel like If I stay after college, I'll be a burden and completely isolate myself. They say it doesn't matter to them how long I live with them, even as an adult. But I feel that if I don't move out soon, I'll miss the chance to live my life to the fullest.

I'm working on getting a job, so won't be completely dependent on my parents. They both are great people (better than most) and the thought of me leaving such a loving home makes me sad. We are financially stable, so money isn't a big problem either.

One thing that worries me is that because my dad works away from home (except on the weekends) by the time my sisters move out, it will basically be my mother all alone. I'm afraid of her getting lonely unless I am there with her.

I don't want to be the person who is 40 years old and lives in their parents' basement, but I'm afraid to move out and start my life away from home. My family means so much to me and I'm afraid that once I'm away from all of them, I won't be able to cope.

I also constantly worry about my parents dying when I get older.

My grandfather recently died and it was hard on my mom The difference is that my parents had me a lot later in life, which makes me think I will lose them sooner. I'm keep thinking that I'm running out of time and need to spend as much time as I can with them, which gives me a reason to stay. But what about when they die? I'm afraid I won't be able to live my life without them here.

I have a history of depression and anxiety, and all of this stress and change makes it worse. I wish that I could just go back in time and relive those moments where I didn't have to worry about my life. My counselor tells me that I shouldn't think about the past, or what may happen in the future, only what is going on right now. But I think about bad stuff constantly and my fears of my parents growing old, and my sisters moving out, and me being alone just won't go away.

Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way?
Afraid to Grow Up and Move Out, Has Anyone Else Had This Problem? What Did You Do?
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