Do you think I'm a home wrecker?

[Anonymous]

I always interpreted a "home wrecker" as someone who intentionally tries to make themselves known to the person who's being cheated on. like girls (or guys) who try to let the cheated know that the cheater is involved with them. not that it matters because clearly if there is a problem that would lead one person to cheat in a relationship, then the whole deal is doomed before the home wrecker even arrives...lol OK here's my situation.

I have been with a married man for a very long time (approaching three years now) and I haven't ever tried to let his wife know that I exist even though I know who she is. I feel like their marriage is none of my business and has nothing to do with me so I have no business talking to her. He wanted me to meet his children a while ago and pick them up from school, etc. I told him that while I do love him, I feel like that is crossing a line. Those are her children. When they get a divorce then I'll be open to meeting them. Anyway yeah she doesn't know me but he did tell her about me and told her he has never been happy with her and that he's leaving her. They just recently got separated and the divorce is pending.

For the record this isn't the first time I have dated a married man. He's a little bit older, not much though he's still young. He's very attractive (hot hot hot), successful, kind, witty, and very intelligent. He’s so many things. He's into a lot of the same things I'm into. I met him at work and found out he was a friend of a friend. We all went to the beach together and he took the opp. to get to know me (and stare at me in my bikini of course lol.) After that he came to my job everyday and we talked, flirted, etc. There was way too much sexual tension between us at first that I never thought I could fall in love with him. I just intended on sleeping with him. And I did. So here we are now with scary divorce papers and him talking about me meeting his kids.

Do you think I’m a home wrecker or just a girl who fell in lust/love with a married man?

[cupcake2288]

You are most definitely a home wrecker! You participated, so you're just as wrong. I know he's extremely to blame as well, he's the one that's taken and choosing to cheat, but you're helping to facilitate that cheating and you kept it going for 3 f*cking years are you JOKING me? You'll get yours though, don't you worry. You basically are saying it's OK to cheat and to cheat for that long. If you thought it was wrong, why help? Feelings are one thing, but line crossing happened big time. The not meeting her kids thing, oh wow, so ONE line you didn't cross. I'll give you that. But you're a home wrecker if ever there was one, just not the worst one in history, Congrats, you're not the biggest home wrecker but still under the same umbrella. Go screw yourself you nasty skank.

[human_condition]

I'm sorry, but I'd go with homewrecker. How do you think his kids and ex-wife feel? All because you wanted to have sex with this guy. He is perhaps more guilty than you, but from the moment you knew he was married you should have called it quits.

I hope you feel bad, because you have wrecked peoples lives.

[Missionoftri]

Given the circimstance, no one is blameless here but the wife and kids. I agree with Simple because there was obviously something wrong with the relationship before you got there. BUT I agree with Human. Should have called it quites the moment you knew he was married. I'm not here to judge. But my honest oppinion is a Homewrecker. Hopefully you guys will work out and it was all worth it.

[Asker]

I dont. like I said it isn't my responsibility. I liked a guy and went for it. I'm single not married! lol he could have said no I have a family. I wouldve been bummed but I wouldve understood. I am so incredibly in love with him. If I would have called it quits I would have missed out on the awesome connection that we have and the love between us. why should I miss out on that? because of a terrible marriage? I mean to each is own you know I appreciate your opinion though.

[Simple-Simonette]

The way I see it, if he left his wife for another woman, he wasn't happy to begin with. So, either it would have been you or some other woman willing to sleep with a married man.

The home was wrecked way before you came along, in my opinion.

[Asker]

Totally agree. if I were in his wifes shoes and knew that my marriage already sucked I wouldn't blame the other woman I would blame him for cheating. though I don't think anyone is to blame for a marriage that doesn't last forever. most marriages dont. they got married too soon because she got pregnant. we've been dating longer than they had b4 marriage! I don't see it as a failed marriage though. he has three beautiful kids. that's not failure at all. they just have to go their separate ways now.

[Sekret]

A real "Wrecking" is when you forcefully break something. Nobody forced him to flirt with you, or have sex or whatever.

So you are not really guilty, the only thing you could do is let him think "does he really want you over his wife".

Also, see it this way. He had a wife and children, he was ready to give up on them to be with you.

As a "hot hot hot" man, he can get a girl easily, which means you might get the same as his wife.

(Don't think, "no way!, he is really into me", it was the same with his wife).

[Asker]

Actually no it wasnt. he married her because she got pregnant. but I see your point. I still love him though and will continue to be with him.

[Sekret]

Well, the fact the he married her because she got pregnant, means he might not be a responsible man, or one who uses such method to make a woman be with him.

But that's for you to decide.

[Asker]

You do know it isn't uncommon (quite the opposite) for men to automatically feel like they have to marry a woman and take care of their family. people usually think that is the responsible thing to do...anyway no he didn't want to but she's a drama queen and in her family they made a big deal of having a child out of wedlock. I think it was foolish of him but he was trying to be responsible and give her the life she wanted instead of having a child with no husband. they werent in love though.

[Sekret]

Almost like a political marriage. And about the drama queen, he got pushed into marriage ? does that mean that if he can be pushed into such a serious matter, he can be easily pushed to other things ?

Those are just points, we don't need to argue about it.

[Asker]

This isn't arguing. you're making points and I'm stating facts about what I know about his relationship that's all. its fine.

and that's definitely a point. everyone is flawed in some way and this would be one of his. he isn't easily pushed into all kinds of trivial things. its easier to stand firm on something that doesn't include the future of his family. I think the fact that he's leaving her is proof that he's over the pressure and sees that his kids happiness is important but so is his own.

[Sekret]

You are totally right here. You are a serious woman (I'm still too small to tell you that, but people like to get compliments, so why not ?), I believe that after this issue is solver, you will be able to greatly advance your way with him. Enjoy.

[Asker]

Can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not but okay. ha ha I'm just a girl though. not really totally serious in every aspect of my life. I just know what I feel and what my situation is that's all. I can tell you want me to shut up though so I'll stop commenting. lol

[Spiderpmonkey]

Im a single career woman with so much stress on my plate.. i dont like sleeping around with multiple partners so clubbing hasn't been my thing... i actually met a guy 4 years ago... we became the best of friends within the first 2 years and sexual rension ran so hot between us... after 2 years i gave in. best decision of my life. For the last 2 years he gives me the most exciting sex and conversations that after 2 years we couldnt fight it. he's a couple of years older with grown children... I've purposely avoided meeting his wife. I work with 2 of his children who have been suspicious but quiet about it all.. for me its perfect. I get amazing sex and he has his family. but he loves being with me and i will never ask him to leave her... if i went into this to try to change him he wouldn't be the guy i fell for.. between him and my career my life is so full... and i will answer to jesus at the end... for me i can't hurt her because even if i dont know her i still love her because he does

[Simba501]

No...just a girl who fell in lust/love with a married man...I think you were 100% right in declining to meet his children...and if it wasn't you that got with him, it could've been anybody...their marriage failing isn't a result of your actions...

[Anonymous]

No. I've been in a similar situation. The home is already wrecked for you to be in that position. The thing you have to deal with is the possibility of never getting that top-spot (e. g. kids come first, and if you aren't where the kids are...).