If we treat self-esteem like a health bar, let’s say someone needs 10 self-esteem points to be happy. I think the average person has no issue hitting 10 self-esteem points. However, for some people, 10 points seems like a distant goal. They may max out at 5, let’s say. Often times, this point cap is from insecurity. Maybe someone they misplaced trust in told them that they were ugly, horrible, whatever.
Anyway, because of this deficiency, they seek help from outside sources. The one that comes to mind first is help from other people. Yes, while being told “you’re pretty” or “you’re attractive” may temporarily give someone the required self-esteem points to be happy, this consequently opens themselves up to all criticism from outside sources. If someone says, “you’re not my type” or something more extreme, this takes away self-esteem points. (Unfortunately, it’s human nature to place criticism at higher value than positive comments too.)
The end result is a constant fluctuation of feeling good and bad from other’s comments. If it was just bad feeling, people wouldn’t seek it. If it was just good feelings, people wouldn’t need it as much. From a fluctuation though, people try to seek it constantly in hopes of things working out. It’s that super small glimmer of feeling better that people seek out constantly— it’s the want of happiness.
One could also argue that self-esteem points gained from others only act as a buffer, meaning they decrease slowly over time regardless. This is because they aren’t rooted in anything. Unlike one’s self, one can’t be sure any other person is 100% sure telling the truth or just saying something. Furthermore, because humans nature criticism at higher value, that small percentage of doubt becomes exaggerated. This doubt is compounded by negative criticism, and pretty soon the good feeling of a compliment is lost.
That’s my take on it at least.
If we’re looking for sources behind low self-esteem, we’d be here all day. Sometimes, it’s bad parenting as some say, but not always. Sometimes it’s an overly critical inner voice caused by hanging around negative people. Sometimes it’s being naïve from being told we’re perfect growing up, only to be dealt a heart-crushing blow later in life. It’s a person-by-person issue that can’t be generalized so easily.
Hmmm... lots of people blaming bad parenting. I can't disagree, bad parenting can cause a lot of screw ups. But I'm also going to blame it on... negative rap music, bad television, and low reading grades. How's that for controversy, huh?
@DaMack999 I'm saying some kids are influenced too much by the wrong things, in puberty and their teens, that can undo some good parenting. My point is, we can't presume that everyone who "is ok" now had good parenting, or everyone who "isn't ok" had bad parenting.
Well kids raised in Good environment get good out come. Unfortunately those raised in bad environments be drugs, alcohol abuses, sexual or physical and mental eventually end up with huge consequences starting off as low self esteem all the way to depression and anxiety issues am psychological major I know what am talking about.
@DaMack999 No one said any different. Read what I said more carefully. You're setting up an argument that requires proof by contrapositive, and with it comes a caveat requiring great care. So your argument goes " If your kids are well raised in a good environment, you'll get a good outcome (good kids)". If "you don't get a good outcome (good kids), then they were not well raised in a good environment". In other words, if A.. then B. But if NOT B, then NOT A. While you may indeed WISH this were a universal tautology, seeing the words replace the letters easily makes one think there are other explanations possible. If that were NOT true, then NO ONE poorly raised in a not so good environment would, or could, EVER come out ok (good outcome). We know that's not true. So while agree it's a good general assumption, and a high probability statement, it certainly isn't absolute, nor is the contrapositive. And... just because you're a psychology major... ?
I don't hold the future in my hands but given stats poor communities don't usually have the best out comes in education as you seen in numerous studies. 2) low income families have higher rates of alcohol abuse and more divorce rates too. Go check the health stats.
@DaMack999 Which begs the question, completely. As I said, which you overlooked, I AGREED it's a good general assumption, and yes, the stats back it up, which is logical. But I'm not citing "argument based theories" here because I too am presenting a fact which you disregard, that no real scientist would. That is... if there's but ONE case where someone from a horrible environment, with bad or no parenting, rose above it and became a good person (good outcome), then you can NO LONGER SAY with 100% accuracy that "only well raised kids from a good environment will produce a good outcome". That, my friend IS science.
I acknowledge the obvious facts being sited, however, that's not really my point, which he has yet to understand or acknowledge. But hey, it's been fine and civil :)
It simply depends on what are the intentions needing validation. If words of affirmation is a love language than that is a need that must be reciprocated in order for that person to be happy. If not, it may have to do through culture, religion, or neglectful parenting. You also have people that emotionally and mentally abuse you as well that are not family. Such as teachers who neglect their students for paycheck. Or cold partner who is very selfish and doesn't care about your emotional needs at all. You give and give and they just taken take. Or a friend that makes you feel like you're beneath them and not as equals.
Because some of our lives are just not that grew apparently. My life is simply just not good cause of circumstances and due to that I do feel not great.
Some people have a problem to evaluate their own egos or have some kind of psychological inferiority complex, so they need constant positive validation of others. Such people are easy to manipulate and will be always abused by people with hidden malicious intensions. Somehow this sounds like analysis of social media. XD
There mothers and fathers made them feel unworthy So they have internalized it and carry it around with them They aren't even aware of it. A good friend would point that out and tell them that its ok, you dont need validation, you just need to be honest with yourself. Thats the greatest Validation
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Literally did a question on this, my girlfriend is 30 and I'm 37 but we look good for our ages, I noticed she allowed thousands of simps following her on her insta and liking her pics, commenting on how hot she was on every post, literally entering men and she called me insecure for having an issue with it? I messaged these simps and one told me on a separate account he wasn't filling her on, they love screenshotting hot girls pics and wanted to ask if I was interested in trading, wtf so I showed my girlfriend and she closed down her insta, I will never understand why girls seek validation from strangers and allow comments and likes knowing they don't know these people...
It usually comes from issues with their upbringing.. if you talk to attention seeking people about their childhood like I do I find the same types of problems that create the irritating need for attention and validation.
Interesting question. I think when a person is broken and bleeding from within they seek a cure even if its temporal by positive affirmations from others to feel better and alivate their pain they feel inside.
Low self esteem. Many years in their childhood they been told opposite ex. Ur not worth it. You're just not gonna pass school ur too dumb. Ur just too fat. Over the years u start believing it. Even if it isn't true. Not to mention peer pressure.
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