I have a friend who only showers once a week. She claims it’s cause of her eczema 🙄. Anyways I’ve never smelled her before until yesterday. She keeps her dogs inside and they sleep in her bed. She smelled like wet dog (it was not pleasant). Im a very clean person I shower twice a day (I make sure I smell good) and I don’t do animals in my bed. The problem is she wants to spend the night with me in my new apartment in MY bed. Ain’t no way in hell... I told her she can sleep on the floor and I’m afraid if I tell her she needs to bathe before getting in my bed it might hurt her feelings. What should I do?
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I even asked her if she was gonna shower at my place and she said “nope I’ve already showered the other day”
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For those of you insinuating I’m a bad friend cause I want her to smell decent , 😂 having eczema is not a valid excuse to smell foul. I had eczema much worse than hers and it didn’t keep me from bathing. I just think she has poor hygiene and I’m gonna have a talk with her about it and surprise her with some bath stuff. I’m also gonna tell her it’s my apartment so she has to abide my rules and that means taking a shower before bed ☺️
I'm also a clean freak and can't stand unhygienic people. You could tell her you're not comfortable with sleeping with someone that doesn't bathe regularly.
Oh man! I totally get you. I've bene in this situation. I am always the clean (er) person and am really bothered by bad smells. I had a male friend (sort of an ex/guy I dated briefly, but mostly we became friends, for years after), and he went through a really hard time for a while in his life, lost his apartment and was couch surfing, just trying to get by. He called me late one night to crash. My studio apartment was soooo tiny, not much more than one room. I hated having guests overnight, but I did do it with a few people. It was always awkward. He slept in my bed and he was sooo smelly, esp the feet, but everywhere. I offered a shower but he was exhausted and didn't want to. The next morning he did have a bath or shower before he left. But I had to rush off to work, and when I got back take all my bedding downstairs in the basement to do laundry. Such a pain. Last year, I had some family members crash with me and they slept in various places, but mostly sofas and floor. When they left, these was so much dandruff on the sofa, back of my car. It was revolting. I have no idea what you do about this. I suggest showers to people quite often when they stay over and no one ever say yes!
Well he had a valid excuse for having bad body odor. No place to go so no shower. But my friend is claiming that it’s her eczema that’s keeping her from bathing which I don’t believe to be true because I have eczema and it isn’t keeping me from bathing. I just got those sheets and I don’t want to wash them just yet.
Yeah that eczema excuse is bunk. I've had several family members with it, and I think it is exacerbated by not showering. The skin needs moisturizing (with medically formulated lotions, preferably, but regular not too perfumey ones may help too). I'n stubborn cases, steroids are given. They are sometimes effective. Also, anti-inflammatories, and something else that works on the autoimmune system, but they are pretty strong and can have side-effects. Anyway, being clean is just mandatory in life in general, isn't it. Let me know if you figure out how to get her to do it.
I've had to have talks with friends about hygiene before and some get very defensive and upset, no matter how nice you are about it, unfortunately. I try to tell them that I'm telling them about this as a friend because I care about them, not because I'm making fun of or criticizing them. One friend told me I was rude and ignored my advice, and the other kept making excuses until he finally started taking my advice.
Another thing that works is that when you notice they've taken a shower or are cleaner than usual (with one of my friends' case, it was when he washed his hair), try to compliment them about it. I would tell him his hair looked nice when I noticed he had washed it. He began washing it more often after that.
Maybe you could try telling her about a way she could shower without upsetting her eczema (and by the way, I have eczema and still shower daily; mine is very mild, but you absolutely can shower regularly without upsetting it) or ways to help soothe it. For me, I like hydrocortisone cream. I find that once my skin starts itching in a spot I usually break out in, I apply the cream there after every shower until it's gone. Maybe ask her if she's tried the hydrocortisone cream or using cooler water that won't dry out her skin as much.
Poor hygiene can also be a sign of mental health issues, unfortunately.
If all else fails, you might just have to tell her that she will have to shower before she uses your bed. That's not even unreasonable to ask of anyone, even those with good hygiene, as it's common knowledge that germs can be spread by sharing beds with strangers. If she gets upset, that is her problem. It sounds harsh, but sometimes you have to either put up with the behavior or lay out boundaries at the expense of upsetting the other person.
You shower twice a day? That’s not bad for only your skin but also your hair. you’re gonna look old and bald fast
That’s just an FYI As for your friend well, she will most likely look younger as she ages as well as have youthful hair BUT damn! Living with dogs inside and smelling that’s just nasty!
I would not care to sound rude, it’s nit rude. What is rude is not caring that you’re fumigating someone else’s clean air.
Perhaps she doesn’t know she smells? Perhaps even if it’s mean someone should say it...
Maybe just say you have a small rule that anyone that stays with you has to shower before bed? It should really be every other day or every third day but if you smell you need to shower everyday..
Wrk if you’re black, most likely you’ll stay looking young a long time but still, if you don’t actually smell it didn’t do hard activity in the sun, you should not be showering... your skin will become old fast.
It’s not about moisturizers. It’s about the natural process of skin and ruining the natural oils we produce. Washing them off so often will eventually lead to dry wrinkly skin no matter what you apply to it. It will naturally get wrinkles faster.
Real quick: not only isn't it economically unfriendly to shower every day, it's actually not good for your skin or hair to do so. You wash away a lot of valuable natural oils and can pretty much expect to look like a leather bag in the future.
However, I don't think it's unfair to let your friends know they stink. However, if she struggles with a skin condition, maybe be less of a raging cunt about it by demanding she has to do things.
I'd bring it up to her normally, just be honest but acknowledge she has skin issues. If you apparently have the same skin condition, maybe recommend some bath products for that specific skin issue to make bathing for her less of an issue.
Once again I don’t wash my hair every time I shower. I’m a black girl and there’s no need for me to do that. I don't know how much you know about African American hair ☺️
I shower like 2-3 times a week because I get severe eczema on my legs and hands, so I understand where she is coming from, trust me it is awful. You know the feeling of getting lemon juice in a cut? Imagine that but all over your body.
Its unlikely that she would smell like wet dog, maybe it was her clothes that particular time. But just if you notice an odor I'd just nicely tell her.
I don't know how close of a friend she is but there's a cream from Lush called "dream cream" which is amazing for eczema and smells great, maybe you could gift her some.
My advice is i would tell her cause of her body scent that you would wish for her to take a shower before she comes to your Apartment , maybe offer her to shower at your Apartment this way you know she's showering cause people can tell you anything also be careful having someone who sleeps with their pets in their bed cause pets carry the same illness that causes Stomach flu / Staphylococcus/ etc they carry it on their coats and also no matter what people tell you 90 chances of 100 she does not have her pets properly protected from Flea & Tick medication I tried telling my cousin all these things and she even went online and ordered this Flea & Tick that looked counterfeit but my cousin didn't want hear it and she still sleeps with her cats on her bed so i gave up talking to her about things.
My cousin wonders why she always feel sick and throws up well that's the answer her cats are carrying the same illness that is the virus for the Stomach Flu and she wonders why she gets diarrhea and throws up well that's the answer.
It's not what you say it's HOW you say it. If you were really her friend, you'd just tell her straight up. Tell her that her sanitation habits make you feel uncomfortable and is just unhygienic. Tell her she has a noticeable odor and you don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with her.
As long as you have a reason with your cause you are good.
BTW: I totally know a girl similar to this. We were on the same sports team in HS and on "away games" she refused to bath. She didn't feel comfortable bathing in a shower that wasn't in her own house.
Tell her you have to sleep alone. Cover up your sofa and have her sleep there. At least you can change the sheets. If you think it's essential that you need to have a talk with her about her smelling like her dogs and showering too infrequently, you'll have to be prepared for hurt feelings. Your worry about her smelling offensive comes from a good place. You don't want anyone else noticing her odor. If you can whiff her, others can too... Good luck
Just tell her you just changed your sheets and your very particular your bed and always take a shower before sleep. Let her know she's welcome to join you and youve laid out a towel and shampoo for her.
First of all who are you to say who has worse eczema. Showering is one of the worse things for eczema. Maybe refer her to a Dermatologist that Specializes in Autoimmune Skin Diseases such as Eczema!!! Vit needs to be treated with the right kkind of medication internally!!!
And yes you are a Bitch that you think you know so much about her Health!!! And yours was so much worse, you obviously haven't a clue about Eczema if you think it only appears where you can see it...
Well for one I had a severe case of eczema which lasted for years not only did it itch it was painful. I know what eczema is cause I suffered from it growing up ☺️ I never said it can appear when you see it. You’d know that if you knew how to read.
Humans don't need to bathe twice a day. You are actually killing your friendly bacteria by doing that and probably using toxic chemicals which go inside your body when the pores open with the heat of the water.
I really don't think you should be her friend and always ask people before they befriend you how many times a day they bath.
If it helps her skin condition let it be. Her pets and her pets, if she wants to sleep with them let her be. Who are you to tell her what to do.
That's fine but the friend shouldn't have any problem with not being allowed to sleep at her place if she is not willing to adjust to the apartment owner's standard of hygiene, it's the other way around too. If she wants to sleep at her friend's place she'd have to sleep with the dogs smell and other things. I wouldn't be able to sleep at all if there's someone I consider dirty in my apartment lol
@IlyaTheImpaler she shouldn't have friends who she talks about on social media and disses them. Would you like it if you were my friend and I talked about you in this light behind your back.
This is why I rarely become friends with humans. Pets are more considerate and don't judge and loyal.
Ma’am no one is dissing her. I’m simply asking for advice so I DONT hurt her feelings. And my body is perfectly fine and I’m perfectly healthy from showering twice a day 😂.
well yeah I wouldn't like seeing my friend talking about my bad habits (I have tons of them) on some normie QA site. Perhaps after we discuss the matter and couldn't resolve it I'd be okay if we both post a survey to get public opinion , so both sides have to agree with the description of the situation 🤔
@IlyaTheImpaler well for one I’m asking for advice. It would be completely different if I talked about her in a negative way. I’m simply asking for advice because I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I never gave out her name and I never said anything personal. Hell she’ll tell anyone that she showers once a week.
@IlyaTheImpaler I guess... it’s not something she’s ashamed of. I’ve had same skin condition mine was worse than hers but I still took a bath. I do not like to feel dirty.
There is no scientific evidence out there to say bathing once a week is unhygienic. I researched the whole internet. However, I did find bathing twice a day is damaging to the skin, the good bacteria die and this causes allergies.
any person with common sense would know that not bathing everyday is unhygienic. It should not have to be explained. At 28 years old you should not be making excuses for someone else’s poor hygiene. Especially when you don’t even know them.
Show me scientifc articles stating that bathing everyday is more hygienic compared to a week. Your skin is the largest organ and has many good bacteria that actually support it from being attacked.
Unless you are using rubbing alcohol, bleach and antibacterial soap.. the soap has no hygienic effect. Also you get superbugs as they become immune to this.
Please show me articles. Don't insult my intelligence I have a scientific degree. So show me proof.
Girl I really don’t care about the scientific degree you claim you have. After the way you insulted me... if you don’t want to bathe everyday then don’t. Just don’t ask to spend the night at someone else’s home in their bed. It’s hot as hell here. I shower in the morning because I sweat and I shower before getting in my bed because I like feeling clean before I go to sleep.
Okay lady whatever you say. Shower don’t shower. I really don’t care. I never asked about my hygiene because I know I smell delicious. Two I don't know why you were being so defensive in the first place. You’re not the one dealing with this particular situation ☺️ I simply asked how I can tell her she smells without hurting her feelings. She’s a good friend and I don’t want her to be upset. That being said I’m not about to compromise anything... my apartment, my bed... she insists on staying with me.
well she said she had eczema not dermatitis which ig is not as major as the derma because i had it and i was able to shower and you dont have to shower with hot water, have you tried using warm water? and for soap try using the body wash bottles instead of the soap bars, i think the bars somehow dry out the skin more, try using the body wash and with some water and it shouldn't be too dry.
Contact dermatitis is basically like an allergy. In my case it's to do with what is in soap. Doesn't matter if its liquid or solid it still irritates my skin. Even baby soap does it. The way I manage it is by not showering so often and using specific creams.
No, it's not. You just need to be tactful in how you say it! If you don't want to risk ending your friendship, have someone else say it for you. I know one thing, if I smelled bad, I sure would want someone to tell me so I could freshen up!
Just tell her she cannot get in your bed unless she is clean. If she claims she is, politely ask her to take a bath before getting in your bed to keep the sheets clean.
Well i am one of this persons who likes it more when people tell me the truth and not hide everything My problem is mostly i sweat real easly when i am doing sports or lie in my bed in summer and thought is less noticed when we did a classtrip for a few days suddently another friend tell me thers a rumor going on abaut me... I realy felt hurt they did not tell me and would be happy would someone tell me i smell :/
Be honest.. Tell her.. She doesn't needs to bath if she can find an alternative solution to the smell.. Her not bathing is not problem.. Her stinking is the problem..
Like wear clean clothes and wipe her entire body with wet clean cloth.. To get rid of the stink..
"Girl... you smell. Like I know you have reasons but it'-it's making me quite uncomfortable and, you spraying that very sweet perfume on to hide the sweat smell is literally triggering my allergies." I know a girl who showers only once a month... She doesn't take offence when someone talks about her smell though thankfully.
Her hair is the worst, she doesn't shower partly because she's too lazy to wash her hair at least once a week... She washes her intimates hands and feet everyday but the rest nah she waits.
She's schizophrenic or something, her mental illness makes her not understand that it's not okay.
no, that is respectful, some people don't know. but may have to realize they may not have that ability. Have had smelly people at work and they had to be told...
Now, twice a day is a bit too much unless you are sweating a lot or have to deal with dirty stuff a lot. She could shower at least every 2 days though. I mean, pubes and armpits need daily care... every 2 days should be the maximum in my opinion.
No, it is not rude. When it comes to dirt and germ you don't care about stuff like that. It is your health in question too. If she gets upset it is her problem. You are tryibg to help her afterall.
I’d just make a slight excuse based around the truth and say that you always shower before getting into bed to ensure it’s always clean etc, so if she wants to share then she should too, otherwise there’s a lovely made up bed for her elsewhere.
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