Is my dad gaslighting me?

[Anonymous]

My dad sometimes does things I'm not 100% OK with and when I tell him I'm uncomfortable with it, he says he didn't event hurt me. And he's right he didn't physically hurt me, but I've told him before I'm uncomfortable with it and he continued anyway. Recently, I tried to tell him a little story about a bee and he completely ignored me. I asked him, "You don't care, do you?" He looked at me, shrugged and made a :/ face and went back to ignoring me. My dad also often calls me dramatic or says I'm sensitive, even though I'm just expressing my feelings. I often walk away from our conversations because he talks over me and then he chuckles or blatantly laughs.

As much as I wish my father wasn't gaslighting me, it really seems like he is.

Updates

+1 y

The answers I've seen were great. Maybe I am a bit sensitive. But that doesn't give my dad the right to talk over me and completely dismiss me. As of lately he hasn't done anything I'm uncomfortable with, but he took him way to long listen to me telling him to stop. My dad use to harass me in a "playful" way, but he has stopped. Although when I told him to stop he said he didn't even hurt me. Things between my dad and I have been pretty tense since then.

[AmandaYVR]

Gaslighting can involve many different techniques to undermine your reality, how you see yourself, and the world. They seek to alter your confidence in your ability to accurately and fairly assess yourself, and the world.

In some ways, yes, your examples do fit the definition. But 'gaslighting', albeit a very old term, is an extremely trendy word today. While it's a legitimate form of psychological manipulation, I want to stress that I think it's come at a time when people are... just too sensitive. There have been a lot of injustices in the world, for far too long. Some of those are being rebalanced now. Some justice needs to be done. (Equal opportunity for all types of people, for instance. Equal legal repercussions, not based on age, gender, skin colour, or external beauty.) But we cannot label every single instance of getting our feelings hurt by someone as... moral malfeasance, etc etc.

Your dad may genuinely find humour in the things you say. Or he may feel that you take some things in life that are trivial, as too serious. This is a father's way, often a male way, of gently coaching a person into strength, into resiliency. Mothers listen, and hug, and agree, and support. Fathers have a different way, often.

Your father could be either - a bit harsh and unfeeling, not understanding you; or he could be very consciously trying to toughen you up a bit. Not every story a person tells is gold, or interesting to another. Children talk a lot, and parents, to keep their own sanity, often, "Uh huh? Is that so?" to them. They want to not discourage them from expressing themselves, but some things really can go in one ear and out the other. Another story will soon follow.

We don't know you, or him, but take it all with a grain of salt, and consider the larger picture. Don't waste too much time in life feeling hurt by people if their intention was neutral, or not meant to be dismissive, or not to hurt. Save your energy for the important stuff. You'll need it. In the mean time, maybe your father likes humour more; maybe he likes levity over seriousness. I'm sure there are other ways you two can relate, something that bridges the gaps in your personality differences.

[Obscurite]

You realize you are making it sound like your father is sexually assaulting if not raping you?

That's quite the accusation, especially to be placing right next to your complaint that he isn't listening to your "bee" story with sufficient enthusiasm...

You sound high maintenance and overly sensitive, laughing and chuckling is probably his way of trying to toughen you up. Like brushing bleeding gums.

[winterfox10]

It sounds like he's dismissing you more than gaslighting. Gaslighting would be more like telling you that you made up the story about the bee. Do you have another example?

[Iron_Man]

Try to get on the same level as him take the football out of the closet engage him in throwing the football in the yard he might like that and if he likes fishing tagalong with him and you guys can get a better bonding experience going

[EyebrowChewie]

This is how some men are, total jerks. You have to live with it im afraid.

[EyebrowChewie]

Just be playful again, like this for example
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T09z_A_2N8

[Anonymous]

Americans have a term for everything now. Lol when in was younger, we say " dad is being annoying " then we move on with life.

[Anonymous]

maybe you two just don't get along very well its not that uncommon.