When you're upset, do you receive emotional support from opposite-gender friends?

[mistixs]

Always

Usually

Half the time

Sometimes

Never

I don't tend to ask for it

I don't have any opposite-gender friends

[Anonymous]

I don't receive it, nor do I ever seek it.
I'm not a girl, when I do seek support, it's to get things done, maybe help our with money or a tough situation.

This whole whining thing is honestly the #1 reason why women suck as friends compared to men.
Men and women are different in this, we don't really want to hear your whining and we don't really have much to say to you.

And if I do have things to say, I will rather talk to an actual therapist, than some girl who wants to pretend she is one.

[Opinion Owner]

What it has to do with is that I'm not you, I don't need your "emotional support", it simply doesn't help me or do anything for me.
I need different things, things that are different from what you may need.

I'm not "depriving" myself of anything because "I'm not a girl", I simply work differently from you.
Do you understand?

So can you start listening and taking me seriously and stop projecting onto me "things I need" because you think I need them, even though I literally just told you that I don't?

That's really the only thing I want from a woman.
To intently listen to me when I say that "I don't need your emotional support, ever" and accept that, and then live her life without wondering or trying to offer me "emotional support" ever again.

And this is not because of "patriarchal conditioning" or because of my pride or any other BS.
It is because it does-not-do-anything-for-me-to-just-talk-about-things, like literally, literally in the most literal sense of the word "literally".

What I need is for my issues to be solved, it does absolutely nothing for me to talk about "being upset", because this doesn't solve the issue I'm upset about, so talking about it does, literally, nothing.
It's literally a complete waste of time.

Also, I never said or implied anything of the sort that you responded to me with.
But it's ok, I know you are a woman and that you never actually try to comprehend what men are saying because it's all just about you and your ego.

[Kas19]

@HugoThe2nd Have you found a woman that does as you ask?

[Opinion Owner]

@Kas19 As a matter of fact, I have.
She acts the way a man would, does the things a male friend does for me, and she has no female friends for exactly the same reason that I have just complained about.

She also happens to be the best woman I know, but also really the only woman who I know to be this way.

[Kas19]

@HugeloThe2nd Glad to hear. Sounds like a decent relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean, it is.
She is one of my best friends for 10 years now.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly, this whole rant is triggered by the fact that this whole issue of women insisting on trying to see things that "may be bothering me" instead of accepting what I tell them at face value is just making me feel like they don't actually give a shit about listening to me and are just doing it for themselves for some odd reason.

So, no. Sorry.
I don't want a woman's support, how can someone who constantly ignores what I tell them and doesn't take me seriously possibly help me?

[Opinion Owner]

Like that person, who is now removed and blocked.
Who kept making my response which was about me and nobody else, into something that was about her and everyone else but me and made accusations of things I have never even implied while ignoring every bit of what I said because it triggered her little ego.

[Kas19]

@HugoThe2nd That's awesome. I wonder why they don't believe you if you say nothing is bothering you.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, how should I know.
I always suspected it's because they are different, and when they say that nothing is bothering them, there is probably something bothering them anyway.

Maybe they do have a legitimate concern for me, but the more I keep repeating myself the more frustrated I become and they seem to interpret this as the confirmation that something IS in fact bothering me if I'm getting defensive and they try even harder... which makes me even more annoyed etc.

I've been made to feel way too many times like my personality is some kind of front or a defect.
Particularly by women like the OP and this other poster who have "experiences with other men treating them like therapists" that they assume all men are that way, and if I'm not it's probably because I'm some kind of a toxic asshole who has to act tough.

Not only does this undermine and illegitimize the way I personally am, they then proceed to make me out to be the villain who is somehow taking away from or harming other males by expressing being a certain way.

It's the same thing ad infinitum.
I don't care what other people need support in, If they need support they should ask, I'm not trying to take anyone's ability to do that by expressing that *I* don't really need it- because it just doesn't work for me.

At this point I'm dreading the "so you got anything on your heart you wanna talk about?" conversation with each new female acquaintance I have, because I'm either treated as, at best, closed-off and at worst, immature, unfriendly or a dick by not confiding in them with whatever.

[Opinion Owner]

And, yeah.
I acknowledge that part of the blame lies on me because I certainly am immediately annoyed when it is brought up, again, and that it is not the their fault that they are 20th+ whatever person who is asking me this.

I'm simply frustrated because I feel like whatever I reply to that offer/inquiry, it's to my detriment and damaging to my connection with the person, unless I, what? Make up some kind of an issue that's troubling me?

Awesome.

[ladsin]

Between F & G. Two of my closest friends a few years ago were girls, but I don’t really talk to them anymore. I’ve also never really been upset enough to ask for help as an adult. I get pissed off at work and call a few friends to bitch about it, but that’s all.

[Anonymous]

Tricky question. The only man friends I have are gay. So definitely yes, but if this question is more curious about experiences with cisgender straight men as the opposite, then no. I don't bond easily with most men, it seems, without there being some kind of sexual interest involved.

[Rosyyy]

i dont know if it counts if theyre online friends, but yes my online friends are always there for me, and honestly i prefer them over my irl friends. and most of them are male (opposite gender)

[DaMack999]

Were always here for you.

[Rosyyy]

@DaMack999 haha thank you lol

[JackSmy]

They never know, when I am having an issue, but I am there for them.
When a dear friend lost her older brother, unexpectedly, and she got the call at work, and I was there, and we went to another room, and she just hugged me, and cried for a while.
That's what friends are for, really, right?

[JackSmy]

@Adinapopaa NO, I never even imagine sexual things, with these friends!! I care about them, like sisters, and relate to them, that way.
Sorry if that disappoints you.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yep always.

was just mentioning this to someone earlier.

when I’m in a ‘sulk’ or just down one of my girl mates will plonk themselves next to me and cuddle up to me.

I've had regular contact with all of them over lockdown with one helping me move house.

they are my go to support and I am there for them.

I took one of them out earlier in month for a date not date meal as she had been isolating over lockdown and needed cheered up.

[CrypticViper]

It depends on what's going on. There are some things that go on, that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling the same-gender friends and there are sometimes things that opposite gender friends don't understand. A huge example would be doing the parent thing single-handed, most of my male friends aren't single and/or don't have kids so talking to a female friend would work better.

[MannMitAntworten]

I only have one woman friend who is remotely decent at reading my countenance. Her knowing me as she does she knows asking anything more than, “What’s going on?” will likely get nothing minor details at best out of me. Only one woman in my life I ever felt strangely at ease expressing anything within any great depth with and she hasn’t been part of my life for over a year.

[friendzoned4life]

Nope they tell me to man up or something or joke about it as soon as I open up.
And I'm talking about the women I give emotional support when I stop doing that I don't have women to talk to anymore

So kinda stuck between treating someone how I want to be treated ans treating someone how they treat me

[mistixs]

They don't sound like good friends to me. Friends should have each other's backs

[friendzoned4life]

I Got one good friend I don't see him a lot tho cause bars are closed and kinda only thing we have in common. we have very different lifes but our mothers live next to eachother so knew eachother very young our names could have been the title of a sitcom we are Just one letter apart.

Once in a while we drink a beer and Just talk about womens and feels and Just have fun and even suicide ain't taboo as a topic we both dealt with those feels.

But yeah as I said that is the only one besides the woman I know from online chatting meeting women IRL did never really happen for me not that I didn't try and yeah I have to deal with what I get.

So if we talking about having support from the other gender no I haven't I barely get attention from the other gender.

[friendzoned4life]

So yeah as as I said I am stuck between 2 evils

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Most of my friends are women anyways. Also, I feel like I can trust women more than men with emotional stuff.

[rjroy3]

Veeeery rarely and it's usually specific individuals that have my full trust and are never to be considered as a sexual partner. Like my sister, some close female friends. People where that wall is present.

[cth96190]

I have only one female friend.
She is on the autism spectrum, so emotional support is not in her tool kit.
On the upside, she thinks in a logical way and is brutally honest, so she gets along really well with men.

[serious]

I don't need such a support. I am good at recovering from things, I am good at comforting myself. Don't need from people. Be it from opposite gender or anyone as such.

[jackderby_01]

I try to solve things by my own. It is one of the reasons why I don't let my emotions out in public. I deal them on my own. Or with my close friends and family. I do not have many female friends

[menina]

Sometimes I do. I have a male friend but sometimes I feel that he doesn't understand me and he judges me. So I rather talk to my female friends.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

no. womens only response to other peoples emotional pain is to tell them to man up and then "steal back the spotlight". And if they know something personal, then when they need to impress other people, that shit is coming up.

[Jaximus-Lion]

Never. The reason is all my opposite gender friends just stopped the whole friends thing since i got engaged back in 2010.

[exitseven]

I used to have quite a few opposite gender friends and they were always there for me. Alas, as the years went by I lost touch with all of them. One has died and most I have no idea where they are.

[Agape93]

Yeap. My best friend is my rock and only he knows my darkest thoughts and acts in life. I’ve always been able to turn to him.

[Anonymous]

i don't tell guy friends my problems... i tell my boyfriend my problems and that's about it. really the best support i can have. sometimes i tell my friends (female) but rarely ever so...

[karaspara]

Rarely to be honest but it does depend what the problem is I’ve been well supported by a couple of male friends in the past but certain things only another woman would understand

[krin_m]

I have wonderful women friends so I would say, yes usually!

[Jjpayne]

Sometimes but I would like it to be more often for sure

[FilmGuy93]

Occasionally... Women can be a great support system, if the trust is there. As a guy, I don't always think to reach out to my female friends.