Guys, Would you mind if your woman wanted to hire a surrogate?

[Anonymous]

If I had money I would want another woman to carry my and my man's children

[ChrisMaster69]

No 100% unless there were health issues etc.

A huge part of the bond in a family group is being there with your wife and ‘feeling’ your son / daughter.

The woman also usually hugely bonds with their baby.

Also the guy will bond with the surrogate.

if doing this, adopting would be a far better approach, giving someone a chance at a life, rather than bringing another life in to the world where the parents may not even bond with the baby.

There is also the mental health issue for the child, imagine how they will go through life knowing her mother did not really want them as part of their body..

[Asker]

I don't have to give birth to someone in order to love them
Gestation is not a reason for love.

[ChrisMaster69]

No but it’s when bonding occurs.
I felt those first kicks, I went through the stress and anxiety with both of them, at the birth i held them both.
If you were a parent you would understand, it’s not a clinical time, it’s a very emotional time.

[Asker]

Maybe at that time. It doesn't last forever.
The surrogate has no genetic connection with the baby.

[ChrisMaster69]

It does I remember all of those 9 months and the birth, the pain she went through, the feeling of her hand crushing mine.
It’s about Love.

[Asker]

Because you initially loved her.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s something pretty impossible to tell someone that has not been through the ‘trying to conceive, getting a positive test, doctor confirming, then the trials and tribulations over the 9 months, the birth etc.

The sitting down and explaining to your child, the pregnancy, the birth, the feelings and love,

[Asker]

I don't see any harm. My baby will be with me and doesn't feel any connection for the woman who carried him/her as that woman will leave us after birth.

[AviatorTom]

If it's a sex surrogate for me, sure, no problem. :-)

I'm past the age of having kids but thinking back to that age...

If we're having problems conceiving, we really want to have kids, and my wife suggested it, a surrogate would be fine with me. We'd have to decide, of course, what kind of surrogate:

1. Artificial insemination of my wife's egg and my sperm in a Petri dish and then implanting the embryo (s) in the surrogate woman's uterus. That makes the child biologically ours.
2. My sperm and the surrogate's egg. Would she be impregnated naturally by me, or via artificial insemination using sperm that I donate? That would make the child biologically mine, but not my wife's.

[t-8900]

It's a risky proposition here in the states. Sometimes down the road the surrogate could want to see the child and take legal action. I've actually seen this happen before. I don't know what the laws on your country are concerning this. It's a discussion though and I wouldn't rule it out if that's how she felt. We'd both have to be prepared In case of a possible fallout with the third party

[Anonymous]

After fertility issues we considered it. Eventually we went for a more intensive course of IVF which we got our son through.

Part of the reason is the law here recognises the woman who carries the child as the mother even when there's no genetic link between her and the baby, so wife's ovum, husband's sperm but surrogate's choice and surrogacy contract is void was too big of a risk, especially since the father is still financially responsible for the child.

Hence IVF.

[SAUL077]

If we have to, sure that's not a problem. I don't think it would be ideal, and I think there would have to be a good reason for it.

[loveslongnails]

UNLESS there's some medical reason why you can't, here's my statement: "If you're not woman enough to carry the child, you're not woman enough to be my wife".
WTF? Why? You don't want to go through the difficulties of pregnancy? Too much work and pain? Don't want the weight gain to ruin your figure?

[Asker]

I'm not afraid of gaining weight. I work out. I can easily get back to shape after I give birth. But of course it will be hard if I get pregnant for several times.
As I want to have many babies and I don't
want to spend so many years carrying my babies surrogacy is a good option. It saves time. I can enjoy my body, my husband and my career (when I have them) plus I will get babies.

[loveslongnails]

Like I said, you're a narcissist. You want all the benefits without doing the work, and you're willing to trust your seeds to a surrogate who you have no control over, unless you make her a captive for 9 months. I'd NEVER marry a woman who is capable of becoming pregnant and would CHOOSE a surrogate, and I'd wager that most men think the same way. If you're not woman enough to carry the child and all that goes with it, I don't want you as its mother.

[Asker]

Surrogate mother is not forced to carry my embryo.

[Asker]

I don't care about MOST men. I won't marry MOST men.

[loveslongnails]

Right, and you're dead set on marrying a "real man", and I find it difficult to believe that a "real man" would want his baby carried by a surrogate if his real wife were capable of doing so, but didn't want to because she's vain.

[loveslongnails]

That response has nothing to do with anything relevant to the question !!!

[Asker]

I don't know what real man is for you but for me
He is a man who wants to have kids. (A man who doesn't want kids is an inferior sexual partner whose reproduction is garbage, semen is waste, genes are worthless)
He doesn't view our unborn as worthless clump of cells. (A man who doesn't love my child unless it's out of the vagina doesn't deserve to even touch me).
He appreciates my choice of him as my first, only and last man. (A man who thinks it makes no difference whether it's another man or him who touches my body for the first time is the lowest sexual/romantic partner).

[Asker]

"you're willing to trust your seeds to a surrogate who you have no control over, unless you make her a captive for 9 months."
Yes I do trust. The surrigate signs a contract that she will carry the child to the term and have no duty after the child is born.

[loveslongnails]

Irrelevant again to the topic. APPARENTLY, a "real man" for you is a man that will ALLOW his wife's fertilized egg to be implanted in a total stranger because SHE is too much of a PRINCESS to get pregnant and give birth to THEIR child !! She's physical able, but "no honey, I don't wanna gain weight. I wanna be free of the "burden" of having a baby in my belly. I wanna, I Wanna, I WANNA !!! No REAL MAN will put up with that crap. In your opinion, he's still a man. In my opinion, he's got no backbone and is a wimp!

And the conversation later in life -- "Well (son or daughter), your mom didn't want to actually BIRTH you because she cared more about her figure and didn't want to "waste" 3 or 4 years of her life, plus recovery time, being burdened with those messy child births".

[Asker]

I'm still their parent.
Besides I will consider surrogacy if I have my dream job. I doubt a real man would sacrifice my career for the sake of carrying a child when surrogacy is a great option.
And that princess is going to get paid for gestation.

[loveslongnails]

You can doubt all you want. "If you have your dream job" Guess what girl - to the vast majority of non-narcissist women, being a mother IS their dream job !! Of course, that changes as baby grows and puts you through hell, but you'll experience that whether you birth it or not. LOL Let's see. You're 31 years old. When is this "dream job" going to happen, and what is it? When is this dream man going to show up, yeah... the one who DOESN'T want his "soul mate wife" to actually carry his seed in HER OWN womb? Good luck with that.

[Asker]

" to the vast majority of non-narcissist women, being a mother IS their dream job !!"
Says the guy who is a feminist who believes women should have career not kids.
Ths guy doesn't want kids and dates a woman who doesn't want kids.

This guy who thinks unborn deserves death if its mothers wants so believes it is wrong to emplant embryo in another woman's womb.

[loveslongnails]

You love to totally misquote AND take things out of context, so let me set you straight - yet again:

** I have NEVER, EVER said "women should ONLY have careers and not raise kids. That's a flat out LIE on your part. Motherhood is great, but not all women want to be mothers. And no, I don't want kids, which is irrelevant to the conversation, as are so MANY of your points.

** You got this right - I AM a feminist, based on THIS DEFINITION, and not whatever one you choose :
" the advocacy of women's rights based on equality between males and females". According to that definition, you should be ashamed of yourself if you're NOT. It's not my fault if you've bought into the juvenile crap that depicts "feminism" as a destructive force, or uses a bastardized definition to mean "anti-men, anti-family, anti-feminine, anti- whatever you choose". That's YOUR problem.

** My thoughts on abortion have nothing to due with my opinion that YOU personally, or any woman who could birth a child, would choose not to because she's as vain as fuck. And also that a real man would be "fine" with her choice not to bear their child. I'm sure some guys somewhere might be ok with it, but as I said, I'd WAGER that the vast majority of "real men" would not be.

As to your "reasons" for not not wanting to GET pregnant, I've already told you what I think of them.

If you're going to quote me in the future, get it RIGHT and don't lie or adapt it to suit your narrative. I don't know why I even think you can, since you always do, but maybe a miracle will occur.

[Asker]

"to the vast majority of non-narcissist women, being a mother IS their dream job"

Wanting to have career doesn't mean I can't be a mother. And my dream job is not being a mother.
"you're willing to trust your seeds to a surrogate"
Says the guy who think it is absolutely fine to get abortions.

"and you're dead set on marrying a "real man", and I find it difficult to believe that a "real man" would want his baby carried by a surrogate if his real wife were capable of doing so, but didn't want to because she's vain.'

This comment of yours is the reason why I brought up my views on what is a real man TO ME which triggered you and you said it's
irelevant again to the topic. Lol
But it wasn't because what is a real man to you is not a real man to me.
Once again what a real man is. Here are some of the qualities of a real man
A real man doesn't believe abortion is not murder. A real man values pure past of his woman. A real man wants a woman who wants kids.
A real man doesn't support modern feminism (sex positivity, free the nipple, body positivity, abortion, nudity)

[loveslongnails]

Can you not read? Feminism is NOT what you say it is. Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights based on equality between males and females. Get it through you head. THAT'S ALL IT IS. It isn't ANY of the bullshit you think it is or other fringe dwellers try to make it. IT'S ABOUT EQUAL RIGHTS. Damn, you're dense.

I know what YOU think a real man is, and I don't care. It's MY OPINION that the VAST majority of men, all men, do NOT want their seed in a surrogate's body, but want it in their wives body. If you had enough money to help fund an international survey and subsequently lose that wager, I'd take you on.

And again,, you're putting words in my mouth. You never fucking stop doing that. I did NOT say "it's perfectly FINE to have abortions. I said I believe it is under certain conditions, and I said it's not murder, it's something else. But I didn't say it was fine.

Look, if you're going to keep misquoting me, just don't bother answering. I'd more "triggered" by your inability to stay on point and read something properly before you respond with irrelevant statements, than I am about your subject matter. Please don't reply to this thread. I've wasted enough time.

[Asker]

I specified the type of feminism I want him to be against so you'd understand that I am not against the doctrine the definition of feminism contains.
If abortion is not murder then what makes it not fine?
I told you I will marry only one man and that man is the type of man I find real. So it is my views on what a real man is matters because I will choose him based on those views. What does your point of the vast majority of men have to do here?
You could simply not reply instead of leaving a reply and telling me not to leave an opinion on MY OWN thread.
Your namecalling reflects your emotional baggage. So many sentences... ugh
You could simply talk about the topics I mentioned instead of calling me names and complaining like a drama queen.

[loveslongnails]

The "names" I have called you are accurate; narcissist, dense, narrative manipulator, misquote queen, irrelevant reference diva, they're all accurate. And for the last time - there is no "type" of feminism unless you BUY the bullshit that's being thrown at you about it. There is only ONE simple definition, and you should learn it.

[Asker]

Those names express your opinion which I never asked.
Definition has nothing to do with the actions of the feminist that I listed.
I judge people based on their actions. I don't judge words or definitions.

[loveslongnails]

Definition has EVERYTHING TO DO with a subject. Someone who engages in what you described has gone far past the core meaning of the word. They might still ascribe to the core meaning, but their peripheral add-ons just suit THEIR narrative, and it doesn't represent the SIMPLE THING that feminism is all about.

[Asker]

That is why I don't take seriously what people call themselves.

[loveslongnails]

Yet you repeat and spread the misconception when it suits your narrative, even if it is wrong. That's what you do, deary.

[Asker]

I specified the ideas of feminism I don't approve of.

[loveslongnails]

What you SPECIFIED HAS NOTHING TO DO with feminism. It's peripheral bullshit add ons that poison the original meaning and intent. Learn that.

[Asker]

Follow the most followed feminist pages on instagram. You will see all of them preach what I mentioned.

[loveslongnails]

Now this why your knowledge base is PATHETIC !! You reference Instagram as a source of knowledge. Good Lord, no wonder you think the way you do. You listen to instagram posters, and think that insta models define beauty. You're just lost.

[Asker]

Most followed instagram pages express most feminists' views.
Why should I believe there are more feminists who disapprove of those things that feminists who approve of them.
It's better to specify which ideas feminists approve of that I disapprove than just call myself a feminist.

[loveslongnails]

LOL The pathetic thing is... you believe that Instagram is a source of what's real in the world, including the definition of feminism. You actually "believe" in Instagram. LOL

[Asker]

Your emotional baggage is showing up again you're acting like a drama Queen again. Feminists are human beings, definition is not a human being
I judge human beings based on their actions. I said the definition of feminism has nothing to do with how modern feminists act and behave. I never said the definition of feminism should be found on Instagram.
Once again I said that the views of feminists is expressed on social media.

[loveslongnails]

Darling, you are the biggest drama queen on GAG. LOL
Actually, you DID say that Instagram is the expression of what feminists are all about, and you did NOT say that modern feminism and the actual definition of it are two different things. You consistently cite any variant of behavior used by someone who "identifies" as a feminist to say " look, see how perverted FEMINISM has become", and you imply that anyone who calls themselves feminists ALSO ascribe to these behaviors. That's what you do. Own it for once.

[Asker]

Feminists are very active on social media because social media gives them a great opportunity to spread their ideologies.
They are MODERN feminists. Not ancient or dead ones.

[Zenpanda]

I'd be fine with it.
I'm also fine with adoption.

[nawtee_me]

sorry I do not want another woman to carry my child... If she is going to do that then I should marry her...

[Anonymous]

Interesting. So you'd want to have surgery to get it out of you and into the other woman? That sounds expensive and risky.

[msg999]

No, I want to kiss my woman's belly and feel my baby inside it

[EnglishEuropean]

I consider surrogacy immoral. If she disagrees we're not compatible as a couple.

[EnglishEuropean]

by the way in the UK surrogacy is legal on a not-for-profit basis, but the agreement isn't enforceable so you might never see the child.

[princeofromance]

No, I would not mind.