Is it bad for my younger brother to be very naive?

[Anonymous]

He's 19 years old (will turn 20 on May 5) and is very naive for his age. A couple days ago we had a family reunion and even an older woman asked him if that was his first time he ever drank. He said yes and looked away, not knowing what else to say.

He has no malice in his mind and hasn't been corrupted. He wants a girlfriend (he never gone out on a date ever) and romance. He reminds me of my male counterpart. I was once a very innocent girl and unfortunately landed a user. I don't want the same thing happening to him with a terrible girl and then him turning into a jerk that pumps and dumps girls because of that.

Is it bad that he's very naive for his age?

[Anonymous]

It’s not bad, a lot of teens/young adults that age are still fairly naive or immature I suppose. I’m his exact act age and we’re very close in birthdays, lol, but it is only natural to want a girlfriend or first love! However, I know that finding a girlfriend or dating for the very first time, giving your all, and giving so much love, can lead to deep heartbreak. I was that exact way 2 years ago. A good person at heart won’t turn cold and evil if they have guidance. First love/relationships are hard, sometimes they work out great and you never go through heartbreak and sometimes you go through the worst heartbreak of your life.
If he is in college or goes to work, he could try to find some friends/coworkers to hang out with and get to know better and maybe form some relationships.

[Anonymous]

Well, just because he hasn’t drank or had a girlfriend doesn’t make him naive. I don't know why society makes people think that if you didn’t have your adult experiences by 20 then something is wrong with you. Like some people still wait until marriage for sex or just didn’t have any yet. Some people weren’t drinking at 16/17/18 and that’s normal too.

[Asker]

I'm just worried for him. I was like him too, naive and very generous and a user got me. I don't want him to end up like me, taken advantage of and used by a nasty guy.

[Asker]

I'm hoping that if he gets a girlfriend, it'll be a sweet girl that will appreciate him and care for him... not used him. I don't want his first experience to be bad like it was for me.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand the sentiment but tbh there’s nothing you can do about that. Life doesn’t reward a single one of us with only positive experiences. No one skips through their entire life without a bad thing happening. He may get a shitty girlfriend at some point, whether it’s his first girlfriend or not. Maybe you would feel upset and whatever about that, but it’s his experience and these things build character, and help him learn and grow. If he doesn’t experience bad, then how will he know how to avoid it? He won’t know what he’s looking for aside from what you tell him and no one deserves to have every experience they can have, relayed through someone else. That isn’t protecting him, it’s keeping him from living. He may never get taken advantage of, or have the experience that you went through, but there’s no way to know, bc life doesn’t give us a crystal ball.
All this to say — don’t worry so much, and let the boy live his life. If he goes through something bad, you’ll be right there for him and that’s all any of us who experience negativity can ask for — being surrounded by people who love you after dealing with someone that really didn’t.

[Wise4myage]

Its not bad, but he needs to snap out of it. Can't you set him up with girls you know?

[Asker]

The women at the family reunion were much older and the only girl his age is already taken; our cousin is her boyfriend. I'll try to see what I can do.

[Wise4myage]

Cool, hopefully something good will happen.

[Anonymous]

No. You're basically saying because he hasn't dated he's naive. To me, you're the one that sounds naive.

[Asker]

I'm just worried that people can take advantage of him and that his experience might be bad, ruining his self-esteem, self-confidence.

[Danny_dan92]

Let him live his life and you worry about yours

[lycanthrope3]

He will learn

[Asker]

Hopefully. I don't want him to go through a heartbreak nor get taken advantage by others.