Can someone with BPD change if they meet good people?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating for 3 months and he has been introduced to my parents twice. He has a good opinion of my parents. If he knew my mother had BPD he wouldn't see her as nice anymore obviously.

My mother likes my new boyfriend and is getting along with his mother too (told me they seem like good people); well for now. I'm keeping things at low profile, not sharing personal info. Is it possible for people with BPD like my mother to change if they meet good people?

My mother has caused drama in the past (she caused a past break-up too) and used to get worse with her mood swings if drunk. My father and I have been keeping her away from alcohol and making sure she's on track with her mediations.

Note: BPD means Borderline Personality Disorder

[xHoneyxBeex]

BPD is a mental illness so unfortunately, it's not something that will just go away, regardless of how "good" other people are. Someone with a mental illness like this cannot make a conscious decision to just "change." It takes intense treatment, especially for a diagnosis like BPD. The important thing for your mother would be to maintain compliance with her medications, therapy, or any other treatment she may be receiving. People with BPD really struggle in their interpersonal relationships, as I'm sure you are aware of. While I don't have any family members with this diagnosis, I work in the mental health field and have had clients with this diagnosis in the past so I understand how difficult it must be for you and your father.

I hope that even with your mother's illness, that you are able to realize that her actions in the past are not a reflection of you or other people around her. It's no one else's fault (and not even her own fault) when she has mood swings or lashes out at others. I do hope she is willing to maintain a treatment regimen though to hopefully improve her symptoms and continue to have good relationships with others. If your new boyfriend truly cares for you, he will understand and won't be turned off just because your mother has a mental illness. If you trust him and trust that your relationship is going well, you shouldn't be worried to share this information with him.

[AmandaYVR]

It's a mental health condition that is part of the person. It's not based on current environmental conditions.
If you choose to be with him you'll have a huge uphill battle always trying to cope with mediating the interactions between him and your mother.
But you deserve a life of your own (I presume you're still living at home with your parents?), so at some point you've got to go your own way and make a life for yourself that doesn't revolve around your mother or her issues.
You could tell your boyfriend this. I think it's better to be honest with your boyfriend about her behavioural issues and why she acts the way she does. (You could wait until she does something that upsets your boyfriend and then he asks you about it.)
But your mother is unlikely to be 'fixed' by this. Is she in therapy/treatment? Without any professional supervision, she's unlikely to change much. She may like him and support your relationship with him, and that would be good, but ultimately her issues will flare up and be seen and have impact.
Be honest, don't lie to him; tell him when the timing is right. But in general, keep them separate as much as you can. You're entitled to a little privacy now at this age. Not in all ways, but for your life not to revolve around your parents' (and vice versa.)

[nikoluushkaa]

Meeting someone new won't help someone with a diagnosed emotional or mental disorder. If you suspect something bad will happen keep him away from her. Or just tell him so if she does or says some fuckshit he won't take it personal.

[sensible27]

Depends on how much they care about them I guess? But why would your boyfriend have a bad opinion of your mother if she has bpd

[Asker]

A previous boyfriend refuse to deal with too much drama and left. I don't want the same thing happening again.

[sensible27]

If they cared enough about you they'd have stayed..

[kyleelyn199723]

No. My mother is the same way (diagnosed with BPD) and they tend to not keep in contact with overall good people because they don’t have the ability to. It’s unfortunate and it’s sad. I wish I could have a decent girl to girl relationship with my mother, but she has made it very difficult for my family over the past 24 years I have been alive

[kyleelyn199723]

My brother is also the same way and he simply doesn’t see value in good people either

[Asker]

Wow sorry to hear about that. My father and I are trying to make everything possible to keep her mood swings under control. I hope my mother (for hers and our sakes) continues getting along with my new boyfriend's mother and him. They like her. I don't want her to ruin things.

[In_Trance]

I don't think that's how it works