Why does my dad have an issue with me moving?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve lived with my parents my entire life and I’m in my early 20s. The problem is I’ve had a very toxic relationship with my parents like physical mental abuse you name it.

Sometimes we are good sometimes they say things that trigger me from the past stuff that they did. At the moment we are good.

I tried moving out years ago but they weren’t happy. Now I’m in my early twenties whenever it’s time for me to move out they become so nice and kind finding ways to keep me to stay.

When they realise I’m not buying it extremely cold and angry I’m so confused because I literally don’t have a life. He says he wants me to stay with them
And be a family and get through things together but I literally don’t have a life I don’t have friends and I don’t even see him because I’m always in my room.

I don’t understand why he won’t let me
Go what’s the problem with me wanting to move and find a life? I’ve tried asking him why he pretends that it’s all in my head but it’s so obvious because the other day he mentioned it and got annoyed acting like it was HIM kicking ME out.

[Finchie40]

Cuz your parents love you and can’t accept the fact that you are grown now , in their eyes you are still their baby girl , your Dad feels like he won’t be able to protect you anymore and is going to be sad knowing you aren’t in the same home anymore and worried about you, When kids leave a home it’s a life changing cycle , How is the relationship between your Mom and Dad? Do they seem in love or do they butt heads a lot? A lot of parents get worried once a kid leaves because they feel their marriages will fall apart , especially If things haven’t been the greatest between them , usually one loves the other more than the other , so you might be that bond that is keeping them together sadly to say. When kids leave a home a lot of times it’s a test if the parents will still stand by each other’s sides , in today’s world this happens a lot because people are very selfish and think grass is greener on the other side and usually go there separate ways , thanks to the wonderful world of social media warping peoples minds to think this way , they feel since they don’t have kids to raise together anymore what’s the point of staying together and become selfish and start doing their own things , So after you move out don’t be surprised if your parents don’t make it , I am hoping they do for your sake but again don’t be surprised if they don’t. 10 years after you have moved out see if your parents are still together , if they are have a huge celebration that they actually made it lol.

[unwokewoke]

Well they can't hold you there unless you agree. I mean you could say they have some sort of emotional or psychological hold, but you'd still be in the same position which is you'd have to break through whatever it is making you stay be it them or you. They're you're parents so be nice to them, but at the same time if they're really your parents they'll support a reasonable decision like moving out on your own and doing your coming of age thing. There's no reason to argue, you convince by your conviction and actions and just don't fight with them they're your parents. There's only 1 rule. When you move out don't come crawling back no matter what. They sound like they will definitely make you eat your decision.

[Anonymous]

You said: I tried moving out years ago but they weren’t happy. Now I’m in my early twenties whenever it’s time for me to move out they become so nice and kind finding ways to keep me to stay.Unless this involves chaining you there against your will, there is nothing they can do to 'make you stay.' YOU don't want to go. If you did, and you have the funds, you would have done it already. It's time to stop blaming your parent or parents for your own inability to leave. As you pointed out, you are now in your 20s, and according to you, you have no life, so leave, move into your own place, and get one.

[shaysh87]

they have an issue with you moving because likely they want a scapegoat for their own problems. there is a good chance your parents aren't happy with their own lives and you're someone that they can lay their frustrations on. In other words, they may very well be keeping you in the house as someone to fight with or release anger upon.

Or another likely reason could be that they simply miss their child. Its not uncommon for parents to be very sad to see their kids leave the home after taking care of you, feeding you , washing your clothes, seeing you every day for over 20 years.

[KitKnickKat]

I’ve almost experienced the same thing. I have a really awkward relationship with my parents as well, especially my dad.
He would always want me to sit and talk with him, and when I did, he wouldn’t talk to me. So I would go into my room and then he would be mad that I was in my room. It’s like you can never win!
I’m pretty sure people who are like that just want to be in control of you because they have no control over their own lives. The main thing would be to just move, don’t let them manipulate you or make you feel bad for leaving. You have to depart the nest someday and It’ll probably make your relationship even better. I moved out and I am so much happier.

[Manny4444]

It’s sooo weird. It’s like what do you want from me. They want you to talk to them and it’s either all about them, don’t talk too much, awakened small talk, or just lectures about your life that you didn’t ask for.

[horatiohornblower]

If you’ve got the money. Just go and rent a place. Hire some movers. Then move out. It’ll be too late to stop you.

Get a place in another city. At least four hours away. To get away from the toxic environment and make it too inconvenient to just show up for a visit.

[sheikalana]

I mean they need to let you go. I understand this is always tough on them and parents will always want to have their kids around but come on they will be fine this is not the end of the world and this doesn’t mean you’re not going to see them anymore. move on with your life you will eventually need to leave sooner or later you’re an adult now.

[Anonymous]

I’m going through this rn. My mom is the toxic one. I’m for sure moving out this summer and I say if you have the finances LEAVE. Protect your peace if anything. Your dad may be mad at first but once he sees you thriving in your own what is there really to complain about.


Your going to move out eventually anyways, so why wait.

[DWornock]

You can't force women to do anything. They will lie and claim otherwise but they always do what they want to do. Obviously, that is true in your case. Moving out involves a risk so you prefer the security of living at home but you lie and claim your parents prevent it.

[Anonymous]

Just leave. Be responsible and show him, you got this.

[dustybiker]

Cut the cord. Plant your feet somewhere of your own.

[Nocternalbacon]

Girllllll! just find a place and run. if ur parents are like this they are clearly crazy. You deserve better. Do you do any sorta chores or something? that might be it although I doubt it

[Surely]

You will always be their baby girl!
Seems like you need to write the next chapter of life and move out!

[Anonymous]

I mean most importantly first, do you have any way to support yourself if you moved out?

[Ryfyle]

Call the cops and ditch your dad.

[Jmmmfi4]

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do