Had a fall out with childhood friend and I feel horrible.. but he invited me to his stag now but not the wedding?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been friends since 10 years old and we’re now 30.

Reasoning is that over the last 4-5 years every hangout session became a roast.. always made fun of you and made it personal. I finally had enough and lashed back.. but I really went personal with him as well (normally avoided this because I knew he can’t handle this due to his big ego)

so that along with him always asking me to buy him things (games, food, collective hockey cards etc.. & promising to pay me back. But then would laugh and say you have enough money you don’t need it. He always found it funny that he owed $200-$300 and that he wouldn’t pay back.

Since direct confrontation wouldn’t work with him.. I decided to distance myself from him thinking it would make him realize how he treats me and maybe would be apologetic and then start treating me with respect.

Now 2 years have gone by since we last hung out. He has reached out to me maybe 6-8 times throughout these 2 years but not to hang out.. only to ask for things (example. Hey can I borrow your gaming controller or could you lend me some money or could you drive me and my cousin somewhere because we want to drink) .. so this to me made me feel he doesn’t care about me despite being super close friends for many years

Now his wedding is a month away and I realized that I’m not invited.. instead he reached out asking me to buy a ticket for his stag.. even if I don’t come he said to at least buy a ticket to supper his family.

despite all this I feel guilty for this fall out and miss the good days and really hate the reality of cutting ties completely. I’m pretty depressed about this.. should I go to his stag or should I just not buy one and let this relationship go?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to spend some real time re-reading what you wrote here. Your friend belittles you....he only contacts you when he needs money or things....he never pays you back and jokes about that....he didn't invite his FRIEND to his wedding...

Do you think this is how a real friend should treat you? You avoided this guy for a couple of years only to come back and he hasn't changed. Is this what you deserve? You guys aren't 10 anymore when your relationship might have been solid. This is now where you sound like every interaction with him equals out to nothing more than misery on your end and there is clearly zero reciprocity.

I know it can be hard holding on to the memories, but you need someone in your life that treats you the way you ought to be treated and this isn't it. Skip the stag, start moving forward in your life with people around you that respect you.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t seem like he’s a good friend to you at all, despite all that he never even acknowledged
how bad he treated you let alone apologize for anything… He’s also responsible for the fall out but he doesn’t seem to be making any genuine effort to properly reconcile with you (maybe inviting you to his stag was his attempt at doing so but then he doesn’t even bother to invite you to his wedding). If I were you I would probably just let it all go, if you really want to you can go for old time’s sake but then I would go ahead and still cut him off if he’s not willing to apologize.

[Asker]

Unfortunately in all areas of life, it doesn’t matter if he’s dealing with friends or siblings or parents.. he is a guy who only blames others for everything and never accepts responsibility for anything. He ALWAYS needs to be right.

The thing is that I really don’t think even knows when he doesn’t something wrong. I’m convinced that his brain cannot understand anything other than his own feelings.

For the stag, he invited me by saying.. my family member reminded me that I should invite you.

This just means he forgot about me and someone else had to remind him that I exist. Quite strange

[Opinion Owner]

Oh sounds like a classic narcissist… I don’t think he’ll ever take responsibility for his actions, like you said, he’ll always find a way to blame others.

The fact the his family was the one that reminded him to invite you speaks volume, he doesn’t care to invite you which is why he didn’t invite you to the wedding. He only invited you last minute bc someone else told him to. I don’t think you should associate with this guy anymore tbh, he’ll only ruin your peace and you deserve so much better!

[Asker]

Thank you for your time and we’ll written responses. I think it’ll take me some time to fully accept this because of the good memories over the years as well. But something changed and he stopped valuing me.. for a good chunk of time he seemed to actually look up to me and always want to be around me. Eventually it transitioned into jealous of anything good going for me. Everything became a competition.

It feels like I’m losing a part of my youth and childhood by letting this relationship go but I also don’t want to be around people who view me as disposable. I’m the reason for the distance thinking it would make him appreciate me more but it had the opposite effect and he likely thinks I just didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.

Maybe I could’ve done things differently but by doing things differently I likely was just delaying the inevitable. It sucks but I’m not going to the stag and they’ll likely paint me as the bad one

Thank you for your time again

[Opinion Owner]

No worries. I understand it must be hard to let this go bc I’m sure you have a lot good memories together, this is basically just like a break up. I hope you can move on from this friendship, you can always just distance yourself from him without fully shutting the door. You just gotta remember to prioritize yourself over his toxicity no matter how fun of a friend to hang out with he is. Best of luck!!

[Blueeyes81]

The problem with really old friendships from childhood is they become more like family instead of friends, comfort and just expecting the person will always be there when they need you. I had some friends like that only heard from them when they needed something. Just let him go and realize you two are not the same people you were when you were 10.

[DryGermanGuy]

Honestly? I think this was never really a friend, just someone that used you in every possible way. I would not go and clearly tell him why not.

[Asker]

I think deep down I know you’re right, I just need to accept it.

When he broke up with his girlfriend.. he was crying about it and spent a lot of time and effort trying to convince me to break up with mine because it would be awesome to both be single again at the same time

Luckily I didn’t listen to this goof..

[DryGermanGuy]

That's even worse! Trying to destroy your relationship out of pure jealousy? That's egoism on a psychopathic level. Who needs enemies with "friends" like this?

[NZGirl07]

I understand your struggles. I had a best friend that I had to realise was toxic and also put me down like him, cutting her off was very hard, I almost didn't do it. But after I did, it was great for me. I felt better, and saw her true colours as she talked bad about me to everyone after being cut off. Although he was your friend, you can keep those nice memories but realise you need to cut him off. He is using you for finances, which is absolutely unfair. The very act of him asking you pay money for his stag party but he isn't bothered whether you come shows that he is a bad friend. To better your life, go no contact and move on. If you need help processing this, try a bit of therapy or venting to trusted friends/family.

[TrueConfection]

If you go to his Stag, will he start reaching out again to hang out or just continue asking for things? Will your relationship ever return to the good old days after he's married? If not, then I would suggest you congratulate him and wish him all the best.

[Anonymous]

Wedding guest lists are often limited due to expenses and the size of the venue. Don't take it personally. The fact that you got invited to the stag party actually shows you're higher up on the list of people HE wants to see. Have fun and get lots of lapdances!

[Staximus]

What the hell do you mean by "buy a ticket to his stag"? Who the hell sells tickets to a bachelor party? That's bum shit.

[WhitneySnow]

This guys using you. Don’t go.

[cloud9vortex1234]

That guy isn't worth your time.