Should I Start to distance myself from a close friend? (Read entire post to get my point) ?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who I have been friends with since elementary, however over the years she has become a bit toxic and I can’t deal with it sometimes. The other day I had a really embarrassing moment at school and instead of defending me as a friend, she encouraged people to keep talking about it.

I didn’t care about the moment because it’s life and sometimes you do embarrassing shit, I was more upset that she didn’t defend me like I would have defended her and have defended her in PLENTY of embarrassing moments.

She’s trying to really fit in with the crowd. A couple weeks ago we were home on break and my parents were out of town, I gave my key to my little brother as he was going to get home before me so he could let himself in. Her and I were attending this thing and my brother wouldn’t be home for a while so I had no where to go. Long story short she left me alone by myself and when I called her to see if I could go with her to her house she denied me.

2 weeks later she needed somewhere to stay for a bit because she couldn’t go home at the moment and she asked if she could come to my house, even though I had other things to do that day I still let her come and didn’t deny her.

Updates

+1 y

When I asked her about it she said it was because she didn’t want anyone over, but every time she needs somewhere to go she comes here. She’s becoming really dictator about every thing and she’s acting like a pick me. I love my friend but this is not her and every time I bring it up to her she acts weird and doesn’t want to listen. There’s a. Lot more and I know this sounds dumb and for privacy I won’t get into it.

[maximumpower]

friends come in and out of your life.
i still have a friend from our younger days. his parents were millionaires but extremely hard workers and neglected him a bit. unfortunately, he's one that needed a bit more parenting but didn't get it. his folks are now gone and their medical bills have eaten up most of their $. he's not healthy and he's floundering. his sibs are no help and most - if not all - of his other friends have cut him loose for one reason or another. i'm one of the only friends he has. he's fiercely loyal and would give me his last dime. i find our relationship extremely taxing but cannot find it in me to cut him loose. he needs friends. i wasn't always as good to him as i could have been and regret it - but i got over it.
so - consider her position. her choices may not have been right by you but ask yourself if she has really screwed you over. if she has, let her know. maybe she hasn't considered it. be up front and don't rant, preach, or get emotional - just tell her how it is w/o backing her into a corner. at worst she'll break contact and end your friendship. you may also get get a noncommittal answer and she'll clam up, but at least hear you out. at best you'll get a friend back.
i've found that friends really DO come in and out of your life. its one of those parts of aging that sucks. unfortunately, it never ends.
sorry if this sounds preachy, but i've been there.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I had a friend like that.. Not the bit you highlighted at the beginning, but when I took my car in for a service bear in mind he lives a few hundred yards away from the garage. I called and asked him if he was busy. He was taking his dogs for a walk. so I asked if I could join him (until the car was ready) there was no reason for him to say no, sorry because he doesn't know how far he's taking the dogs today,
Bear in mind I'm always round his house fixing his computers when he needs me. This was his second chance because he left me down another time I needed his help too.
The next time he phoned me to say his computer was down, i told him to go get someone else to fix it and whilst he's at it not to bother contacting me again, because I don't need friends who use people.

I suggest you should do the same with her!

[NZGirl07]

I understand your situation, but at this point she is acting like a bad friend and not someone you should keep being friends with. I had a toxic best friend I found hard to let go, but once I cut her off I finally got rid of all the negative energy she was surrounding me with and I felt so much better. It's hard in the moment but trust me it's worth it.

[Blackcosmo]

Yes you should. Your friend has become so cruel despite the things you do for her and now it's mostly one-sided. You should tell her what she's doing has made you feel really hurt and you can't be friends with her anymore because of the way she's acting. You deserve better and someone who will treat you the same way you treat them.

[Shamalien]

yeah it’s time to walk away