A close friend of mine is acting weird towards me and I don't know if I should distance myself or try to save the friendship?

[Anonymous]

It’s a VERY long story but to summarize…i introduced her to my other friends. We all would hang out together a lot and all was well. Once my relationship with my boyfriend became more serious she started to attach herself to my one friend like crazy. Even my friend thought it was odd. She would call her constantly ask to hang out but would never ask me anymore. It’s not even like I spend all my time with my boyfriend either. We’re not together every single day so I don’t know what her issue with me is out of nowhere. She does and she says weird things also to try and make me jealous. We had a conversation about why she doesn’t talk to me anymore and she specifically said she has no problem with me. I told her I’m glad she’s friends with my other friend but she’s made it obvious she does have an issue with me. After this conversation she called my friend and said “she is jealous we’re closer”. I literally said the opposite of that because I am happy they’re friends. She blatantly lied. Then at my friends birthday dinner she was holding my friends niece and looked at me and said “yeah she lovessssssss her aunt”!!! My other friend was even like uhm you’re not her aunt and her family thought it was weird. After the dinner we got in the car together and she started saying how my other friends family adopted her in their family and they just love her so much. I told my friend this and she was so confused and weirded out because she doesn’t know her family at all. She’s met a few people like one time. I know my friends family extremely well and when they were all talking to me at the dinner she was clearly mad. I just don’t understand. We have been best friends for years and she’s trying so hard to be best friends with my friend and barely talks to me now. Ladies, I know one of you could give me some good advice on how to handle this because I feel like we have all gone through some weird crap with friends. Help!

[Dysney1023]

Oh wow this is so sad. I am so sorry! She does sound extremely toxic from what you wrote. She doesn’t sound like a friend. And honestly my advice is going to be hard, but you deserve more. You shouldn’t put up with anyone treating you like a second. You sound very nice and I am sure your friend would be surprised when you distance yourself. I’d honestly tell you to run far and fast. And don’t look back. Best thing to do in this situation. I know it’s difficult when you’re in it. But future you will thank yourself. I had a friend exactly like that. And she was stunned I walked away. People like this only learn through experience. They can’t learn vicariously through others. I’d do a bunch of self care and work on your good relationships. ^_^ you deserve to be happy and in healthy relationships.

[Jkgordon]

People change go with the flow fuck her and anyone that looks like her

[Anonymous]

Why are female relationships build soon much on lies and perceptions that you do this to each-other?

Why all the manipulation and games? She sounds insecure and wants to feel better about herself. Either tell her to get her own boyfriend or confront her feelings openly.

[Anonymous]

its not rocket surgery, your so called friend is a cnut. Ditch her before she does real damage

[DoggyDude]

Okay, so, it sounds like your friend is just missing the closeness your two shared before you got serious with your boyfriend. She's probably feeling hurt because a part of you is being taken away by your boyfriend. It's not something you can help with, and in some ways your clearly hurting too because she's less close with you and replacing your company with that of your own other friends. It's also possible your friend is feeling left out with your boyfriend; Meaning, she's looking to renew closeness. Also, there's an outside chance your friend has a lesbian or bi side to her.

I do think your over reading into it, and I think partly your feeling the loss of this friend more because a part of you IS letting go a bit to spend time with your boyfriend (and thats natual and expected).

It might be a good thing if you can try to arrange to do stuff with your boyfriend and girlfriends in such a way that theirs always a larger group of boys and girls so all your attentions are more distributed. I've noticed that close nitt friend groups suffer more from jealousy because they tend toward very strong connections between group members such that as dynamics change in the group those changes are more felt.

Anyway, my advice is, just don't read too much into what your friend says, be more supportive of the fact she feels welcomed into your friends family (and don't project your feeling she's 'not one of them' oh her, let your friends family decide if she is or isn't welcomed).