How do you get over the fact that one day you'll lose your parent (s)?

[Slim57]

[Rania05]

My mom have this 'sorry for myself' moments since a certain funeral when I was still a child, she weeps to my sister and I to bury her properly and make a good funeral to her, invite a her huge family except my grandma's sisters and pray for her in the afterlife. The first time she said it I innocently told her to not worry and just die since I would sweep the weeds off her grave and talk to her a lot, literally "Don't worry, I wouldn't let a throne grow in your grave, so just die, mama!!!" 😅😅😅
She was bemused after a moment of shock and said "So you already killed me in your mind, little brat?" 🙂🙂🙂 *Dangerous momma smile*
I pouted, sulking on why she got annoyed when I promised her something good, and said proudly: "You will live for at about 30 to 40 years so don't pretend to be immortal, I'm not immature enough to not realize fairytales are lies!" 😣😣😣
Mom: "So you already decided my lifespan?"
Me: "Shouldn't be? Parents typically die before their children!! Don't worry mom, I'll get over it and live my life after shedding tears for you, I'll not do something stupid as suicide or going astray" "Learned from dramas* I was smiling sweetly by the end of my words.
Sis, poking my shoulder to get my attention, whispered to me: "Shut up! Mom isn't going to die!" Then she got emotional and began crying!
The furenal turned to a farce for the next quarter of hour because of this accident, everyone started crying!! 😭😭😭😭😭
My mom glared at me and I was still not getting what I did or say wrong! I was being a good girl reassuring her mom!

Then there's one time as a 13 years old, I dreamed my dad was told he got a strange rare disease that would get his life in a few days, not being able to accept it my dad ran away from home and I got into search for him and finally found him in a cafe he go to almost daily, I said "I knew you would be here, don't be sad, daddy. Instead of getting desperate why not enjoy the time you have left, there's so much you can do!" I kept comforting my gloomy dad and broke down in tears when he left.
Then I woke from my dream actually crying, I huddld in the head of my bed and cried silently for a long time in my room. Dizzy with crying and scared, I couldn't sleep again after waking up at around 5-6 AM so I tremblingly tipped in the computer searching for dreams' meaning (I just had to get some comfort and reassure myself to not wake up anyone or stay terrified) and it turn out dreaming about a loved one about to die means either he will move out to a better home or get a good job and my dad did change his job. I was relieved but the terror of about losing my dad in a dream remained for days and I clung to him much more than I usually do.

I can imagine either of them dying and think I can accept it eventually but the scenario still sting me to tears whenever I rarely think of it throughly 😨

[CrazyGirl2]

Oh god, my parents are both very young so I never thought about it.. As in, it literally never crossed my mind! Then my mom got diagnosed with colon cancer. She’s okay now, it was caught unbelievably early and they removed everything and gave her a temporary colostomy.. Well yesterday she had the surgery reversed, and her colon was completely reconnected, and she is all back together, working normally, and (knock on wood) cancer free! I just hope I can go back to never thinking about their mortality again! Especially as they are both young healthy people (except for moms cancer)!

[CaptainOverthink]

You don't get over it. You accept that it's unacceptable and will happen nontheless.

You make sure to use the time you still have with them to really get to know them and befriend them as people more than parents. Express love to them and try to understand why they ended up where they are.
You don't have to like their choices or who they turned out to be but everone should get to be heared and forgiven before they fade to black.

[Wade12345]

Short answer: You don't.

My father died from brain cancer when he was 50 years old. I was 23 at the time. It sucked balls and to be honest I've never quite gotten over it. To make matters worse, my favorite cousin died in a construction accident 2 years earlier, so it was like a double whammy to me.

[Kori1236]

My dads already passed away, and I’ve moved away from my mom (moved back after his passing for a couple years). Before I left I made sure things were easy for her. Easy to clean the house, her water is delivered, come winter I’ve paid a company to come clear her driveway during heavy snows, easier access to her hobbies and I have someone check on her regularly. So hopefully she’ll be okay. But as for preparations, there’s nothing I can do beyond keep in daily contact and tell her I love her often.

[Emiliamazing]

If you have a close relationship with your parents and aren’t sure how you’re going to deal with things for life when they have passed, probably just best to enjoy all the moments you can with them in the present. It’s something that’s probably on their mind as well, because every paren misses their child when they are not around. I know we will both turn into mush when all of our kids have moved out of our house, and we hope that they will miss us too :-).

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I already lost my mom around the time I was 13. When my dad passes, I will still care but probably not as upset since its something that was already talked about. I guess the best way to deal with it is to plan, to prepare so you're not a mess when it happens.

[ArrowheadSW]

Yeah it is tough. I lost my dad many years ago, and my mom earlier this year. I'm slowly adjusting to having lost my mom. My advice would be to spend the quality time with them that you can, however don't let it get you too down by the fact that they'll be gone one day. Enjoy having them while you can.

[Jaysonava]

That is a morbid thought. Mortality is an inevitable concern for all of us.

As a ten year old I entered a dark period briefly where I got really worried about my parents dying. I told my mother cause I had terrible anxiety.

My parents sent me to a one day school for creative children pursuing their own intellectual interests. I loved it. And it really made me a very happy young kid.

It's good that a s a kid, emotions and worries can enter you and leave you like water. I guess you have to figure this out as an adult.

[Aerissa_Jade]

For me it's the reverse, my parents will most likely outlive me for a long time.

Something I don't have to really think about or worry about too much, barring some unexpected car accident or something.

I have asked them both how they know the fact that one day I'll be gone, and they have to live with me going first. They are very religious so they will be calm and say they'll meet me soon enough on the other side.

[Lochlan]

Do you claim they'll outlive you for a relief on your conscience?

[Aerissa_Jade]

@Lochlan No, I'm terminal.

[DryGermanGuy]

Well, it’s usually the grandparents that go first… so, that’s four funerals already, which teaches you a certain type of acceptance, I guess? I like to have a room full of pictures of the people no longer with us.

[MysticAngel5000]

If you have grandparents on both sides, that's 6 funerals. Mom's parents and dad's parents. With me, my mom's dad died when she was 16, so I never met him. I have lost all my grandparents I knew (2 grandmas and a grandpa), plus my great grandma (dad's grandma who died at 103). I was close to all my grandparents, so losing them was hard. But it is a part of life.

[DryGermanGuy]

That's why I wrote "the grandparents go first", which means four funerals to go to and to learn a certain acceptance for any future inevitability...

[s10sleeper]

You don’t, and even when they are on their deathbed, you are never actually ready for them to die. You will have to go through the grief stages and heal over time. All you can do is accept it. The day my dad died I had talked to him on the phone telling him I was coming to visit him in the hospital, and told him I loved him, which was rarely said in my family. 10 minutes after the call, I got a phone call that he died, it happened right after we got off the phone.

[TenderFantasy]

I just figured it's the natural course of life. Once you're an adult, you kinda HAVE to be more responsible with your life. You cannot rely on your parents all the time for stuff. I think ANY loss (for anyone you care for), hurts, not just parents.

-SV

[melanieeeB]

My biological father already died, but he didn't play any role in my life and I nearly lost my mom in December, I will say I'm already prepared to losing her and I was actually angry at her tho anyways I know I'm gonna lose her one day and we will see what happens then...

[DizzyDesii]

I dont think about it. I enjoy my mom while she's here.

[AmandaYVR]

You try to logistically and emotionally plan for it, but it is still a shock to the system when it happens. Doesn't feel real.

[Guardian45]

Have both your parents passed?

[AmandaYVR]

@Guardian45 My mother passed three months ago. My father just told me how unhappy he is in his life (they divorced decades ago.) "Who knows, maybe I'll either have a nervous breakdown, or commit suicide." So now I'm worried about him too.

[Guardian45]

Oh, I'm SO sorry to hear that, Amanda.

[Guardian45]

My Condolences!

[AmandaYVR]

Thanks. Yeah, it's been a lot. And at that exact time, I got evicted. From the best apartment I've ever had. The new one is absolutely awful. Not only worse functionally in every way, but I am encased in 4 major construction projects, so I get so little peace and rest. I feel like a rat in a glass cage.

I'm trying to rebalance a bit now, distract myself and whatnot. But things are off, everything's off, and there's no way to fix any of this. Just have to grit my teeth.

It's helping a tiny bit to hear about other people, their lives, catch up with some a bit. But it's a day to day struggle with no real stability or peace, tbh. There is beeping and crashing outside my window again right now and it's needling my brain. And I get woken up to it. And I am so anticipating the noise, and now record temps, with no a/c at this place, that I wake up before the noise even starts, after just a few hours restless sleep every night. So yep, things are not good.
Then I think about how my mother is gone, and it just doesn't feel real.

[Luopio27]

Its inevidable, just like our time to go. I try not to think of the future, that far.


I guess what Im trying to say is that, everyone will live to face the tragedy, bury their parents or die before them and have their parents bury them. EVERYONE has to face that music sooner or later.

[ShadezMcgee]

By understanding that their time may be coming sooner or later and to instead make the most of the time they have while they are alive to have memories to share and reflect on.

[ChiTown33]

Because I tell myself time doesn't stop. Most likely in 100 years. We'll all be dead. Everyone I know and love including me. So I turn to the words of Tolkien "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us". None of us know how long any of us got. So try to make the most of it. Smile, be happy, because you have today and tomorrow is never promised.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/2jC-rRPKZ3U

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

My dad almost died once in front of me in a freak moment. That really opened my eyes because in the moment I though he was dead. What matters is you spend as much time with them as your able to, and forgive one another for past mistakes

[Millie845]

When I lost both my parents, I thought the world end. I never get over losing my parents, people told me that time is a healer. I have looked after my late mum for 18 years she had cancer and underlying health conditions. I have done end of life for her.

[dustybiker]

You can prepare. Doesn’t help. When it happens it reaches into parts of you that you don’t expect.

[Fireguy17]

It takes time, both my parents have pasted.
It for me sucked.
Your parents are always there.
I worked right next to my dad for a long time, and he passed his skills on to me.
I miss them every day.

[sheikalana]

Well, it's going to be really hard for me to loose my mom one day. I still don't know how am I going to feel when I loose my father, I'm certainly going to be sad but not as sad as when I loose my mom.