Would you consider putting your handicapped child in a living facility if it meant saving the rest of your family?

[Anonymous]

Our baby girl is 5 1/2 years old, non verbal, level 3(most severe) autistic and still in pull-ups with no end or change in sight. It's really impossible to fathom unless you have been around one for a substantial amount of time. I never had any idea it was this tough.
Just keeping her in the house is a daily dilemma. We have to use numerous types of locks, straps and other methods of keeping her in the house and out of rooms, areas and the refrigerator. She will clog drains, pour out any soap, spices, flour, she destroys the house. She wakes up every night b/w 3-5 am needing a pullup and she bangs her head or kicks the door to get our attention. I stay up until that is over so the rest of the family can sleep. Every. Single. Night.
Even though I'm a stay and work from home dad, I can handle it for the most part, but I don't think it's fair to everyone else, especially her 8 yr old sister. She's missing out on so much that we can't do because of the little one. My wife has talked of hopelessness and even hinted at "ending it all."
I do know the little one would be taken care of around the clock and have kids like herself to play with, as well as being in a facility that's equipped for her and much more suitable for her needs. I feel bad for even thinking it, but I also have to think about the rest of my family.
Thoughts? Am I a POS for even considering it?

[Red_Arrow]

Many facilities specialize in different ways. Finding one that can handle her problems may be hard. However, if you do find one that can provide around the clock care for someone such as you describe, life will also be better for her. She will not be able to get to sources of cooking or cleaning, which will be safer for her and would relieve those concerns for you. She would have caregivers that have caregiving as their primary function during their shifts. And others that have similar problems that she can spend time with.

She may get better as she grows older, but she will never be "normal", and will always need special attention. In such a place she would be happier (you need to research the place completely to be sure it provides what she needs), and you and your family would be much more at ease. If things continue as they are, it will harm your marriage and stress her siblings to the point that they will resent her and have more problems with the family.

Trying to provide for her yourself sounds like the "right thing" to do till you realize all the harm it is bringing to her and your family. If you can find the right facility, her life and yours will be safer and happier.

[Asker]

Thank you, you said some of the exact things that go through my mind. I really appreciate it.

[Guy13]

Enormously difficult situation. Do you coordinate with mental health services for you and child? They have numerous like-parental groups through local Austism society. Network yiurself in there as it is super important.

Church goer or religious ⁉️ Our church has homeschooling for disabled, challenged, and standardized kids…. Baptist churches with in-house counselors are great point for Resources from greater community…

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

My brothers youngest daughter (15) is like that and they got by with help from having nurses who would stay with her around the clock. They aren't rich or anything, in fact he is a stay at home dad as well. You may want to see if you qualify for care assistance like that if you want to keep your child at home.

Without it, I can completely understand the exhaustion and frustration. I wish I could tell you it will get easier but it might not and you have to do whats best for your family. It doesn't make you a POS for thinking it at all. Its a gut wrenching decision that you and your wife have to make for yourselves and it's hard not to let selfishness come into play.

I wish you all the best no matter what you decide.

[d3n0939]

This why I hate world, it makes people to make decisions like these. How could someone make a decision

[Asker]

@Ez-Bri-Z_v2
Great advice and kind words, very encouraging. I appreciate it very much. All the best to your brother and his daughter as well.

[Apple1996]

Ooof that sounds crazy difficult. If I had a child like that I'd definitely look into getting some type of help. Maybe in home care since sending away seems a little extreme but do what's best for your family.

[Asker]

Thank you for your understanding and feedback, much appreciated.

[kespethdude]

Only an ablest scumbag would do such a thing. If you are even thinking of doing this, just call CPS and have them take your kids away from you because you are unfit to even be alive, let alone have kids. If you oppose this, good for you.