Am I missing a trick here?

[TheVigilantOne]

Context:
I had an abusive father for my whole life, I say had as he passed away in 2019, well as he was so abusive I hated him and I was glad that he died, well I’ve been told that I should forgive him not for him but for me, (I don’t understand this personally, but oh well) well tonight I took it upon myself to write him a letter (I know I can’t send it to him as he’s no longer of this planet) well I thought that if I said how I felt and said that I forgave him I’d feel better but I don’t I still feel meh, am I missing something? Or am I just so badly broken that this is it?

[Izzy_3991]

I am very sorry. I don't blame you for holding these feelings towards your deceased father.
My own father was badly abused as a boy. His father, my grandfather, has also passed on.
My father is very much a broken child on the inside, he doesn't show it but it comes our every now and then.
Don't feel bad for these feelings you have. You can learn to forgive someone but that doesn't mean you should/can forget their behaviour.
In time, your pain will ease. And your father will be held accountable for his behaviour. God shall judge him accordingly. Please, know your pain isn't pointless or in vain.

[TheVigilantOne]

Thank you for your reply.

My father was badly abused as a child, his dad would beat him and his mother was a liar who slept around, this is all what he told me, I can’t understand why he hurt me or what I did to deserve any of it, I know I’ll never get the answers I need but it doesn’t make it any less painful, that’s why I wrote the letter but at the end when I put that I forgave him I felt like I couldn’t write the words, everything else came out fine but the “I forgive you” felt like I was forcing it, do you think that means something?

[Izzy_3991]

You are more than welcome. I am here to listen and help as much as I can ☺️

My family has a long line of abuse. My mother and father broke that generational curse of abuse. It's a shame your father didn't do the same.
I don't know why people are evil to each other. I don't know why people chose to hurt their children or their animals.
But I know your pain is felt by many others.
I don't judge you at all for writing your father a letter. And it's okay not to forgive him.
I am not sure if you are Christian but know this. There’s a God who keeps track of all of these matters. Our God may forgive when someone seeks it but He always remembers. Hence why there’s a judgment that is due to the world and all of its people.
Please, message me further if you need someone to chat too. I am here for you 😊

[TheVigilantOne]

I do believe that there’s a heaven and good people go there like my Nan and my mother, but I always believed that my father is in hell for what he did to me and my mother, I did also feel very guilty when I had to let him go as I couldn’t cope with him any longer I won’t lie it made me feel really awful letting him die in hospital, but at that time I’d just lost my Nan and I felt I had no other choice, I still hated him and even now I still have a hatred for him, but I tried to look at it that he was abused and maybe that’s why he hurt me I’m not sure though and that’s why I wanted to write the letter to get out how I felt about him and the situation, I know it seemed daft as I can’t obviously send it to him but I thought it would make me feel better but unfortunately it hasn’t.

[Izzy_3991]

Yes. You are correct. The good people go to Heaven and the wicked are cast into the lake of fire. Never to exist again.
The lake of fire is known as “the second death”. It's very serious stuff.

You tried your best, don't feel guilty. Towards the end of life, it's very hard to care for someone. Usually, that person is in pain and watching for their time to rest in the grave.

Getting all of those thoughts and feelings down, in a letter, isn't odd at all. A lot of people do it for the living and the dead. It puts things into perspective for the individual ☺️

[SnowedIn]

You're not missing something. It is possible you are indeed badly broken -- not that you are less human or that something is wrong with you but that he broke you. But even if you're broken, that's not whatever this is. You're not missing something. Sometimes when those who hurt us are gone (death or finally out of our lives) it's nothing but relief. And you're under no obligation to make relief grief or anything else.

[Chazmatazz269]

If you’re consumed by these thoughts and feelings, then seek professional help. If your life is fine and you’re just doing things because someone else who ISN’T a professional you sought for help gave you some pop psych advice, forget about it and tell them to bug off.