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Honestly I was just doing it for him. I've just recently finished the project he started long ago. It has done to the editorial section and been approved. I've also promised to beat a good chess player he couldn't with the condition that I'll just do it for him that one time only (I don't care about competiting, never did) and not come out in public. After winning 1-0 and 3 ties, that was enough for me. However, my dad never got to see fullfilling my promises. He died two days before the game and I already pay the entry fee and the project was already in the finishing process by then.
Though I don't know if that's even worth. That was all for him. The money I won in that brief competition was for him too. I did it for him. I wanted to make him happy with what he couldn't finish. That would've been his money and his approved project.
Does it still count? Is it worth it?
It sucks that his project took too long to get approved and he never got to know that. Sucks that he never got to know I beat his chess rival once.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
It doesn't matter anymore, he's dead.
That may sound harsh, but it's not meant to be and it's also reality.
If it makes you feel better then interpret this in any way that you want but I can't imagine that this was something super important to him in the grand scheme of things, I think you just have a warped perspective because of grief. No doubt he loved and cared for you a great deal and that love was unconditional.
All most parents want for their children is health and happiness, so just enjoy your life.
There is nothing to be gained from carrying this sort of stuff around, what is done is done, you have to move on.
In the end, during the chess match all I was thinking about was dad. When I won that one game, in my mind I was like ''This is for your dad''. Like another poster said, yeah I imagine he wouldn't have accept my money nor certificate of participation. It's just that he used to mentioned a couple times about that one guy he could never beat even once and about his project. So growing up, I took the responsibility to do it for him.
You just aren't being fair to yourself.
Clearly the ideal scenario would have been that he got to see you win, but that didn't happen and there is nothing that can be done to change that.
You are therefore left with a choice, you can either choose to define this negatively and carry a bunch of guilt and awful shit around with you for your entire life for no reason what so ever, it serves no purpose to do that, there is no benefit of any kind to anyone to do that.
Or you can let this go.
So make your choice.
It is entirely up to you what you want to do.
I have a feeling that even if he were alive, he would've likely told you to keep the money and that he's proud of you. He likely wouldn't have want your money.
True and you're likely right but I just still wanted to do it for him; to beat that chess player he never could not even once and finish his project.
It's worth it girl!
But he never got to see it happening and the money was for him. I did it for him, not for me.
I wanted to surprise him with those two promises and share that moment with him and he never got to see it.
Wherever he is, he's watching you. And he's always with you even though he is not physically
He would probably say he's proud of you.
@Brando10222
This basically. Plus I think if he were alive, he would've likely not want her money, told her to keep the money and instead be happy about her accomplishments.
Yeah true
When I was playing with that chess rival of his, all I was thinking about was dad and how it would've meant a lot for him if he won just once. After 3 ties in a draw and finally a won, I would like to imagine dad was there with me.
It's probably right that he wouldn't have accepted my money but I felt bad whenever I dad talked about the chess player he could never beat not even once and his unfinished project... that I decided to get the job done for him.