I went to lunch with my family today, and I started talking about something that was upsetting me. I have always felt like the black sheep of my family, and as a result, I never felt heard by them. When at lunch, I finally expressed how I felt about their reactions, and almost immediately, they started getting angry with me. I was so desperate to be heard, but I did not intend for the conversation to turn into what it did... I told them how I felt: when I complain or express concern for something that upsets me, they always get angry with me and tell me I'm too negative. That even when I try to be as reasonable and direct as possible, they immediately shoot me down. Meanwhile, when they complain it's fine, and I listen to them and try to talk about it. During lunch, they kept telling me that I was doing this and that, whilst I sat there trying desperately to make a productive conversation. I acknowledged my wrongs, but they were never admitting to theirs and kept saying "you do this," whilst assuming what I was thinking. They told me that they weren't doing what I felt like they were doing, and I felt like I was crazy. They were starting to yell in the restaurant as well. Then, my brother told me that I "was just trying to play the f***king victim." I didn't expect this and it hurt very badly to have him respond in that way. I couldn't take it anymore and I began to cry, and for the first time in my life, I had a mini panic attack. I felt like such an idiot crying in a restaurant (I had to walk out for a moment), and now I'm questioning my validity. When we left lunch, I talked with my parents, and only after awhile did they somewhat see my point, still, the conversation was now all about fixing me and not the issues I had. What can I do to get past this situation? I'm going to talk to a professional, but I am concerned that my family still won't see their side of things and understand mine. I love them, but I feel like they never listen to me and it makes me sad.
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If I were you I would step way back from them for a while to focus on myself and minimally involve myself in their issues, if at all. Trying to get your point across and feel heard with them is like beating a dead horse — it’s pointless. You are one of millions out there with toxic family that drains your well of water more than they fill it. There has to come a point in your life where you prioritize and protect your mental health, not allowing anyone to take from you any more. You need to surround yourself with individuals who hear and appreciate your voice, not stifle it. You don’t have to cut your family off forever, or have hard feelings about spending time apart. But at this point you have tried everything else and it’s gotten you no where, so maybe this suggested route is better.
See a counselor about it.