Should Parents Go Through Their Child’s Phone?

Question

If yes, what age u think should be limit?

L12xX · Accepted Answer

This was my initial response: No they shouldn't. There's nothing worst than telling your child you don't trust them and not respecting their privacy.  However, there might be extreme cases where you have to look through it. Perhaps you are really concerned for their safety and well being and they refuse to open up to you or tell you what's going on. So you tried talking to them about it and it didn't work and you know something very serious is going on. Then yes, I think it's okay to look through their phone then. But I really think it should only be a last resort in a serious situation.  Those are my thoughts on that. And given these circumstances I don't think age matters.  However, THEN I remembered that children have phones now!!! Times have changed!  So my answer now changes too. I think children should have parents around while on their phones and understand that anything they do on there is not private. Children need to be protected. Once a child turns 14-16 (depending on you knowing your child) that's when what I initially wrote might be more appropriate. But even then, I remember messenger on the computer used to cause me a lot of problems as a child. Kids can be really mean in writing and not fully understand the seriousness of what they write. And it's too easy to take things the wrong way on text, and so many issues that don't need to be happening then form. This then causes false perceptions of what people think of you and what you think of them etc... So especially as a teen when you are learning about people and yourself still, I don't think texting/messaging is very healthy. And many things online can be harmful with very little sensor. Anyone can put anything out there these days. So I would have clear boundaries around them using their phones. And I'd take the phones away when at home unless it's a designated time for them to be on them. After 18 however then they can do what they want. They are adults (in Canada this is considered an adult). And the parents should not invade their privacy or break their trust unless there is serious concern as mentioned above.

Cassie88 · Accepted Answer

Should employers go through their employee's phones? Whatever happened to good old-fashioned trust?

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

From 11 to 15 the parent should be able to monitor everything or at least give their kids a phone that’s very limited (can only do calls or texts).

Its not about spying/controlling their kids but more about the kids safety. Rather it’s about warning the kid about any predators out there. Also I imagine some younger teens occasionally get bad ideas about what they take pictures of. Those images can be intercepted and later shared/exploited. A parent needs to tell their kid about the scary possibility of that.

Once the kid turns 16 and is driving the parent needs to let off the brakes a bit. The kid is becoming a semi adult but is still a minor. However if they a strong suspicion the kid is up to something they still should be able to monitor them. Especially if they think the kid is up to no good (drugs, hanging out with adults for the wrong reasons, etc.)

However once the kid turns 18 the parent no longer have any right to monitor/control anything. They can tell the kid they have to pay for their own cell phone plan (rightfully so because their legally adults) But some parents think it’s okay to still spy and control their 18/19 kids. That’s a problem. I know my own mother still felt like it was okay to go through my room/drawers when I was a legal adult visiting on holidays. That was wrong. Very wrong.

Anyway that is how I look at it.

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

There's 2 sides to this:
1 - A parent needs to make sure their kid is safe and so needs to be in the loop of potential danger

2 - A kid shouldn't feel a lack of trust and and privacy from the parents because that creates issues that will need addressing when the kid is an adult.

I would say the solution is slightly unethical but the best of both worlds would be to tell the kid "I need acess to your phone, I won't tell you when and I look through it or how often, I trust you but I want you to be safe as well"
And so they can check it out when the kid is asleep or away from the phone without necessary putting them in an awkward position of "give me your phone right!"

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

I can understand a parent's worry about what their child might encounter. No one wants their kids to deal with cyberbullies, or worse being groomed by a pedophile, but at the same time, you can't just go forward as a parent that your kids can expect zero privacy. That trust has to be earned and you need to let them have their freedoms where they can. The fastest way to make sure a kid keeps secrets from you and learns to lie is to go through their phone, their diary, any place where they keep their private thoughts.

If you're at a stage where your child understands the dangers of being online -- and you make sure to tell them as much (ie Never reveal your real name, where you live, your phone number, etc) and can come to you if something bothers them that means you've earned that trust and you can look at some of the things they show you. Even still, you can't just expect to go through your child's phone whenever you want to and expect to still have your kids trust you. I would recommend it would be easier for parents to keep a close eye on their social activity without following their accounts. Like look at their activity on their socials but don't create an account for yourself or much less a false account of another kid, and make sure they feel welcome expressing ideas and new things to you so that they can come to you if they have a new friend that wants to send them things and they don't know what to do about it.

Assi2k · Answer

As someone part of GenZ and knows what we’re like… if you feel like you need to check their phone, it’s already too late.

You can turn it around though. If they are over 12, try to befriend them. Ask questions like a friend and if you disagree with what they tell you, don’t let them know. Stay curious. Tell them things age appropriate things about yourself too. They mustn’t fear getting in trouble. If they fear getting into trouble, they won’t be honest. It’s better they feel comfortable being honest and telling you everything than hiding things. Get to know your kid all over again.

My mom is one of the girls so we all always gossip with her. If she doesn’t like what I said, she just says I’m so stupid in a laughing manner just like any other friend. Since I see her like a friend, I actually need her advice and don’t do things without getting her opinion. I have 7 siblings and she’s the first person we always tell everything because we want her advice. She never gets us in trouble, just gives advice on the smarter thing to do. Its better to become your child’s influential friend than a controlling parent.

anon171999 · Answer

That depends entirely on the age range. Parents to children under 12 should be going through their child's phone with their child & reviewing each app they download, because there are a lot of games and apps that look like they are for kids but are actually extremely inappropriate for children.

Parents shouldn't go through phones from Ages 12+. What Parents stop a child from doing between 12-18 will only create sneaky kids & at best the kid will simply make bad choices for themselves at 18, after they've moved out. Instead, Parents should talk with their children and explain the negative impacts of doing certain things on the internet. Such as how pedophiles target teens on the internet, negative side effects of porn, dangers of sending inappropriate pics electronically, etc.

The more you treat your child with respect, the more they treat themselves and you with respect.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I was given a phone at 12 but didn't actually use em until i was like 15. My mom definitely shouldve went through my phone but she never did. I could possibly go through my future kids phone for as long as im paying the bill (or until they’re 18). If i really wanted, I could get them an iphone and make it to where all their texts go to another device (mine). But Then again i probably wouldn't. I dont really care if they were to eventually watch porn (like age 17+) and stuff but i dont want them taking/sending nudes EVER so i’ll have that talk with them.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

I think if you are giving your kids (younger than teen) a phone then it should have parental controls enabled. So they cannot just have full access to all the features and they can't just give their number out to anyone without your permission. So long as they are aware of why these things are in place and understand why.

I don't think it is appropriate to go snooping through their phone though, that shows you don't trust your own children. If you raised them right they won't go doing anything they shouldn't do.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Sure, it is YOUR phone after all, the child didn't buy it or pay the monthly bill. A parent is letting them use it.

One can instead install software to monitor the phone, rather than go through it if going through it is a problem.

Personally I'd rather my mom had just gone through my phone than be monitored.

The age limit, 18 when they start paying their own phone bill.

Subarugirl · Answer

Children should not have unrestricted access to the internet, any more than they should have unrestricted access to weapons, or motor vehicles.

As the legal guardian of a child, you are responsible for that child's safety.

That being said trust and privacy is also extremely important on a developmental level.

Guy13 · Answer

Yes, parents should absolutely go through their children's phones, place restrictive viewing apps, and make certain that they can be tracked at all times. It is necessary in today's world and I would have no problem doing it if i was a parent.

TallAnon · Answer

That's a tough one, under say 12 you should definitely keep an eye out, but any older and you really need a reason if you want to violate their privacy. Learning your kids to value their and others' privacy is also very important, especially in the age of social media.

You should be seeing their expenses until they earn their own money and earning the right of managing their own finances by working for it is a good idea, but until then you can keep track of their phone bill and "in-app purchases" is smart. Just be honest and let them know, that's most important; Don't snoop around or do things behind their back.

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

No that's not right. If you want to make your child a bad ass you have to feed their creativity. You don't monitor the life our of them. If they're 5 years old and want Legos buy them Legos. If they're 10 years old and want to code a video game buy them a laptop and a tutor. I'd they're 15 and want to start their first business then write them a check and get them to go open their first bank account. I mean cmon.

Another thing is have a friend who you have deep discussions with that they can sit in on. They'll learn more from you by being impressed by you than they will by you squeezing the life out of them.

SexyRedd1966 · Answer

Well when my children were younger they weren't doing cell phones and stuff but I did read their diaries into this day they don't know because I wanted to make sure they were safe... it was something in there that I was concerned about I would just try to work the topic into a conversation but not letting them know what I read

bkcutie11 · Answer

Yes especially teenagers. I have heard so many horror stories. Like, a cliche , a girl lies about going to her friends house and goes a party. Then she gets drunk or drugged then gang raped. I even heard a story where the victim was being harassed by other people in school calling her a slut, then she eventually killed herself.

LazerBean · Answer

If there seems to be a genuine concern, then yes a parent needs to do whatever necessary to protect their children. It's ignorant to think otherwise. There are thousands of instances where people reach out to children in various ways and try to groom them using technology, and as a parent is your duty to protect them from any such thing.

Anonymous · Answer

It is a matter of personal opinion whether or not parents should go through their child's phone. Some parents may feel that it is important to monitor their child's online activity in order to ensure their safety and well-being, while others may feel that it is an invasion of privacy. Ultimately, it is up to each individual family to decide what is best for them. However, it is important for parents to have open and honest communication with their children about phone use and to establish clear boundaries and expectations.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Absolutely yes. I work with firms that civilly pursue child molesters. One of the big problems is that predators lure minors using fake profiles on social media. They will ask questions that end up telling the predator which school the child attends and where the child lives. Parents need to be aware of this and thwart it whenever possible.

Apple1996 · Answer

Nah I would never go through my kids phone unless I suspected something really bad going on then I would for safety reasons but just randomly would be weird

Barry88 · Answer

No, kids are entitled to privacy as well. You need to give them space and trust. There is no need to monitor every aspect of their live, something modern parents have a tendency for.

joeldalton · Answer

Children don't have phones. They are using the phones their parents provide. They are on the contracts that their parents signed. As such, they have no rights to privacy on their parents' devices.

stoicity · Answer

Parents should go through building their character and helping them understand and achieve their purpose. This would inheritently shape the child in a way that parents wouldn't need to go through their phone.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, until they are paying for their own phone plan. As long as I'm paying the bill that phone is my property.

WTFdivorce · Answer

Yes they should because that would be the rule you set when you first give it to them.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Children shouldn't have phones until they are teenagers, then they get flip phones, then you can eventually work up to the smart phone.

Fuentes · Answer

I would let my kids be themselves unless I noticed they were off then I would check but I wouldn't invade their privacy for no reason

BJP21 · Answer

When they hit 18 parental controls goes off.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Absolutely. Their privacy is on trial until said child gets a job or moves out.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely I would and I do regularly. There are predators running rampant online who lure children routinely.

Anonymous · Answer

Teen: Dad, i'm just looking at porn. Dad: Ok, son.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, but I wouldn't let my child have a phone in the first place. Maybe when they start highschool they could have a phone.

SnowedIn · Answer

Absolutely NOT. Never.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, until they are 18. After 18 it depends on who is paying for the phone.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, if they are paying for it.

Haha456 · Answer

should your mom go through your phone?

Dargil · Answer

Yes, until they are 18.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes they can

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

Nope

In_Trance · Answer

I don't think so

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, they should.

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