How to let go of a friendship when you’re being replaced?

[Anonymous]

My best friend of 5 years has been hanging out with a new group the last 4 months, and as time goes on we’re barely talking. I reach out to chat or spend time with them but they’re too busy with their new friends. I ran into them yesterday on the street, and asked if I’d been replaced by their new friends, and they said yes. They said they still consider me a good friend but they’re not going to beg me to stay in their life if I want to leave. It feels like they’re pushing me away and trying to make me leave, and I haven’t done anything to cause this. Things have always been good between us until recently. It hurts a lot, they know every part of me and we’ve done so much together in the last 5 years, and now they’re replacing me with people they’ve known for 4 months. How do I let this friendship go, do I just stand aside and distance myself from them? What do I do?

[SnowedIn]

I'm so sorry this happened and you're going through this. It sucks. I've been there.

You asked what to do. I'd do four things.

First, don't try to understand this. Or why they're doing it. Or make sense of it. You will never get an answer that makes sense to you let alone gives you closure or makes you happy.

Second, yes, stand aside. Let them go their way. Be gracious and kind and take the high road. You gain nothing by doing anything otherwise.

Third, be nice. Don't burn bridges. Here's why: it's entirely possible that this friend will come back. I'm not saying to sit on the edge of your bed hoping, but they might. And it's worth being in a position where you can reconnect. And in a good place when you do.

Finally, be intentional about seeking out the things that bring you pleasure. The easy, fast, inexpensive, important things that put a smile on your face. Petting the cat. Coffee. Going for a walk. Whatever -- the things the give you pleasure. Fill your life with those.

This is going to take time and it'll be hard. That's okay -- it's part of life and being human.

[Asker]

This was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you!

[SnowedIn]

You are very welcome! Best wishes!

[sage2021]

I would consider them fair weather friends. They what they sound like. Anyone who's been friends with you for years, then suddenly diss you isn't a real friend. The friendship will never be like it was. I don't know why she doesn't include you to hang out with them.
I would be terribly hurt but this.
You asked how to let go of your friendship. Believe it or not, I went through this myself at my age. She sent one more text to me, and I never answered it. She has never heard from me again. We were very close since we were 13 and never had a problem. I believe I was the better friend though. Ever since I have known her, she has always tried to make me envious of her. I guess I finally got tired of her attitude and knew I didn't need her friendship. I went cold turkey with her.
You can just go cold turkey or no contact with her and don't give in. She will hurt you some more.
Life is full of surprises sometimes, and losing friends that mattered to you is one of the hardest hurts to overcom - but you can do it!
Try and be more cautious with your feelings next time you make friends with someone.
You'll be just fine 🌹

[Flower7]

Sounds like you’ve just grown apart. Try finding someone new to hang out with so you’ll have a distraction from missing the old friend.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I don't require any effort to do this. I have replaced countless 'friends' since I was a kid. Each year, new friends. Old friends get forgotten. And the ties cut off, with 98% of these 'friends'.

The trick is to just be nice to everyone. But not a least emotionally attached to them. We tend to cross this line if we consider someone a friend truly. So become practical regarding them. That is it.

[Asker]

But isn’t that just sad? To never open yourself up emotionally to a friend. At that point they’re not a friend, just an acquaintance. I’ve lost and made many friends over the years, and it’s never bothered me as much as this situation is hurting me. Due to it being my best friend.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

My top priority is to not let myself get hurt in any situation possible. Both physical and mental.
Hence, from this stand point, an acquaintance is much better than a friend.
Although I do feel lonely sometimes. I go for a ride in our car then. With music ON, the mind gets refreshed. And back on with the task at hand then!

[ChillaxingLove]

If you really desire to keep your friend just stick it out. Make sure you let them know you’re always there if they need you. The thing is one day life is going to hit and when they need a real friend that’s when they’ll see who is actually a friend. Everyone is a friend in good weather but let’s see who is left during the storm

[exitseven]

I was on the outs with my best friend when I was in high school. We had known each other since the second grade. I started hanging around a bunch of people from another town. They became my friends and I even met a girl that was sort of a girlfriend.
Years later my best friend and I sort of got together again and we have been friends ever since.

[Nahid1707]

My advice is give it time 😊
You are a little sad, give it time and hopefully everything will continue to be okay
You two will spend time more

[OddBeMe]

Just realize it’s natural for someone to hang with the most available crowd. Maybe you’re harder to get a hold of…

[Alex8736]

do for you and what matters to you. try meeting a guy

[LiamJHayden]

People often grow in different directions.

[Wise4myage]

Id focus on making some new friends.