What should I do in this situation? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I’m an ambivert, i love my alone time and i love being around people that i like. But thing is, i’m starting to realize that there are moments where i feel like people are not interested of “keeping” me as their friend, which end up making me put in a hard work to at least “keeping” them as MINE and i will have to really maintain the friendship with me making the first move to catch up with them [through whatsapp & instagram posts comments/replies] so they don’t forget or leave me.

If i don’t do all the work like this, i know i won’t have friends and i can’t stand having no friends it stresses me out because i’d like a social stimulation every now and then PLUS i’m not an anti social, i find it easy to make friends, but keeping them as my friends are hard like i don’t know how to make them stick around. And FYI i’ve been doing this for years and finally it makes me... tired mentally and emotionally.

Even worse, now i’m finding myself pulling myself away from people that they’re starting to think/say that i’m ✌️stuck up✌️because i never make the first move to reach out to them through whatsapp/instagram like i used to. And all i can say in my mind when they told me that was just.. “It was always me who had to INITIATE shit or y’all will forgot all about me, don’t y’all ever think of that and how that makes me feel? Y’all never reach out to me, not even replied to my instagram stories to say the fking least”

So when i’m alone, i think to myself, why is it always me who have to chase them to make them stick around wit me like i’m some sort of a pathetic unwanted person? And when i stopped, they will act like i forgot all about them that they call me ✌️stuck up✌️and it makes me feel like shit that they pulled a word like that to me. And i know they are being serious about that. It sucks, but what can i do now, i just pull myself away so that i don’t feel like doing this all over again—

Continue in the update because this is too long

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1 y
by the way it can’t be my personality though, not being narcissistic but i’m pretty much humble, easy-going, chill, my vibes not off, im funny and knows how to have fun, i’m not a downer.. i don’t tell sad and tragic stories of my life ever, i always have something fun in me/to say, i always appear all happy and laughing (im not faking it). I always look proper everytime i leave my house too, i dress well and i smell good. I’m healthy both inside/out.—
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1 y
... Physically, i like to say that i’m 50/50, based on people’s comments about my physical appearance and i know we can’t rely on just THAT.
What should I do in this situation? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
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