Am I in the right to tell this girl to leave my brother alone?

[Anonymous]

I care for my younger brother who has downs. I've been caring for him since I was 19 due to my mother not being able to cope anymore and going to get help.

So the last couple years have been really hard on us, my brother has just turned 16 and is leaving school soon to start sixth form. I'm extremely proud of him for doing so well at school and being such a good young man giving everything he's had to deal with the lead couple years.

I knew he struggled at school to make friends but I know all the other students are very nice to him and look out for him which is lovely to see. There just this one girl that I don't trust.

She kept asking him if he wanted to hang out after school with her friends and I worried about if they were using him to make fun out of him so I told him no and but we'd do something else instead together. He got really mad and upset about it but I just can't trust teenagers they can be so mean especially with social media and stuff theses days.

The next day this girl comes knocking on the door with a couple of her friends asking if he can come out. Once I saw these teenagers I realised they were good kids and once we got talking I found out they were actually all part of a Christian youth club so I thought he'd be in safe hands and I was super relieved and touched. I'm not a Christian myself but I knew they had good intentions with my brother and he needs to have some normalcy in his life.

They'd take him out to the movies and everything and he'd come home not shutting up about how much fun he'd had my heart just melted, I could have cried.

Then he comes home one day. He's telling me he's got a date for the end of year leaving party. I was confused because I didn't think my brother really liked any girls at his school in that way and I was sure he'd had a misunderstanding.

My friend goes on line, see this girl whose been asking him to come out all the time has been sharing it all on social media and asked him to the dance and filmed it.

Updates

1 y

We both instantly thought this girl was using him to look like her charity case and I was super mad about it. I called her up and told her to stop posting stuff about my brother on social media and to leave us alone. I told her if she wants a charity case to volunteer somewhere not use my brother to make herself look good in front of others.

[WaterIsland]

Aww. This is heartbreaking to hear. This is NEVER an easy balance. You are having to act like a parent in a situation where you technically aren’t the parent. So first of all, good for you for trying to protect your brother. And I know this must be difficult for you.



Here is the thing. Everyone has to fall down sometimes to learn and grow. If you don’t make mistakes, you don’t grow. This is a really tough thing for people to do, especially with those we love. We want to constantly protect them from harm and hurt.


But just thinking back in my life, the best learning experiences I’ve had were associated with pain and hurt. The lessons we learn are instinctively deeper than other lessons. It sucks in the moment, but long term, you’re stronger for it.


If I were in your shoes, I’d sit down with him and explain to him your specific concerns. You could even show him the social media stuff. I’d tell him you’re worried about him. But that at the end of the day, it’s his life, and all you want is for him to be happy. And tell him you’re always there for him and want him to come to you if anything goes wrong. You could also set some rules or limits, like curfew or something.


But overall, I think long term, it’s best for him to come to some of these conclusions himself. Because that’s how we as people grow best. I know it’s hard and hurts, and it’s not easy. But it’ll benefit him more later, even if it hurts now. And that’s truly what’s best for him.


And you truly being there for him when he falls, is the absolute best you can do. Without judgement or anything. You won’t always be able to prevent bad things happening to him. So you have to give him the space to learn on his own, and be there for him always. It’s a really tough balance especially for those we love.

[Guy13]

People are horrible sometimes. Sorry this has happened to you and yours. You are so brave.

[Asker]

The thing is I try to protect him and he sees me as the bad guy. He's not been talking to me for days and says I don't want him to have friends. Of course I want him to have friends but I want him to have friends who like him for him not because he's downs and then want to gory hunt off the back of being his friend

[Asker]

Thank you by the way

[Summeroflove]

Just let them have him