How can I ensure my daughter doesn't turn out like me?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a family where there were a lot of fights. It was very unhealthy, unhappy and toxic. I feel growing up in this environment contributed to my not being able to make friends, as all I saw growing up was starting arguments and throwing crap in people's faces and people just not getting along. I was never told by my parents they loved me and I never knew what a healthy friendship or relationship was, and I especially never knew how to make friendships or relationships work. It didn't help that I was also very introverted, and in school I got picked on and bullied.

I'm now in my late 30s, and I have destroyed any friendships I ever tried having. And I destroyed my relationships, I even pushed the guy to the point of him hating me and not wanting anything to do with me. This also includes my daughter's dad, although I begged and begged for him not to disown our baby. I even said we could arrange for someone he knew to come and pick her up and take her to him, so he wouldn't have to ever see me and he would be able to spend time with her. But he wasn't interested in this, and he refused outright to have anything to do with our daughter. I don't have any family either, as I destroyed my relationship with them.

What can I do to make sure my daughter doesn't turn out to be the horrible person her mum is and ensure she grows up in a more happier and healthier environment and loving home. I plan on enrolling her in child care when she is around 2, so hopefully she will be able to make some friends.

[sheenagwapa]

i also don't have friends atm and planned to have friends and even search for romantic partner but i am blockef. when i see people i know and try to make a convo i geel like i have a contagious illness by the wsy they respond to me which is very unusual. is messaging here work maybe i will try to do tjat here. i have female friends before but one i caught made a face with me while i'm askinh her what snack she wants, the other one who would keep callinh me to boast her life which i just keep praisinh her but when she said "why is your ex not leavinh yoy yet" is he not tired of yoy and tell me things like this girl is prettier than yoy that's the only time i realize she is a frenemy. i shared this to my soulmate and he believe everyone except me. i am a different person online and irl. online i have no filter and don't cate if i am rigjt i say all the nonsense because this is the internet afterall. this is my dumping ground.


i suffered so much in the hands of people. persecuted heavily and now i'm still the nad person. they want me to bow doen on them when they're the one who keep persecutinh me of things and worst punishinh me.

[Asker]

I am so deeply sorry to hear what you have experienced and going through. If we lived in the same country I would be your friend

[provokeesmokee]

Goddamn, too late. Frankly, not having her would've been your best bet.

But right now? Therapy. Possibly psychiatry.

Seriously, you have trauma and generational trauma you've not even started to treat.

Heal yourself. It's the only way you'll ever be able to break the cycle.

[Asker]

I don't believe in abortion so that was never an option for me. I've tried many times over the years with therapy and I have had my patient confidentiality breeched multiple times. Just recently they even tried to have my daughter taken off me just because they misdiagnosed me as having postpartum psychosis when I was fully aware of what I was doing when I was going off at them for breeching my patient confidentiality and when they were trying to place my baby in the care of my sister who had assaulted me and was even sending me messages making threats they even tried to claim I was being aggressive but the thing is security were there at the hospital and so were the police if I had been aggressive neither the security or the police would have sat back and done nothing. It fucking sucks because even my own doctor and myself know I need help but I just keep getting f'd over

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice I really do appreciate it

[provokeesmokee]

If therapists are calling CPS on you, then THE BEST THING FOR YOUR CHILD IS GIVING HER UP.

You ARE NOT in a state that will keep her from harm. You're the biggest danger to your daughter at this point.

You realize therapists have a DUTY to report if a minor is in imminent danger?

They don't breach your privacy for no reason. They're trying to help your daughter.

Let them, or know you'll doom your daughter to repeat your behaviour.

Unless you FIX your own behaviour, you doom your child to witness it. You've isolated both of you from outside help, by your own actions. She's only GOT you to model her behaviour on.

So either get yourself back to therapy and accept your daughter isn't going to be safe with you as you are, or resign yourself to dooming her and the rest of whoever she interacts with.

Good luck, for your daughter's sake. At best, she'll break the cycle by never speaking to you once she gets old enough. At worst, she won't make it out of the shadow of your trauma.

[Adam1978]

Fix yourself otherwise you will ruin the relationship with your daughter. You can't think you can fix her life only. You need to a better parent and person then your parents or you will just continue the bad circle. This is hard work but you must start with yourself because kids do what parents do. Not what they say.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate your advice thank you

[BlackJeep]

Tell your daughter you love her every day. Show her you love her. She'll be fine. There's no shame in going to therapy

[Asker]

Thank you heaps for your advice thank you

I've tried going to therapy and I've had my confidentiality breeched multiple times and I even had the mental team lie to child protection saying I was being aggressive towards them when I was going off at them for breeching my patient confidentiality and when they tried to have my baby placed in the care of my sister who had assaulted me and had sent me messages where she had made threats to harm me. If I was aggressive I very much doubt the security at the hospital as well as the police who were there at the hospital would have sat there and done absolutely nothing and the nurses definitely wouldn't have let me walk around

[Anonymous]

i feel the same for when i have a child one day.

break the cycle. correct your mistakes as they are happening. you're aware, if you weren't, you wouldn't be asking this and looking to create a better environment and healthy coping mechanisms for your child. that's a great start if you ask me.

you can also go to therapy to work on your past. it really can help you.

[Asker]

I've tried therapy a number of times even recently and I have been f over by staff. I've had my patient confidentiality breeched a number of times. They even tried to have my daughter taken off me because they misdiagnosed me as having postpartum psychosis even though I wasn't experiencing any psychosis. I was fully aware of what I was saying when I was going off at them for breeching my patient confidentiality and when they were trying to place my baby in the care of my sister who had assaulted me and had even sent me messages where she was making threats to harm me. I know it sounds unbelievable but I have kept evidence of all of this happening.

Thank you for your advice I appreciate it so much thank you

[Opinion Owner]

oh my goodness i'm so sorry you experienced that! i hope the best for you and your child and that things get better. you got this.

[BLP11520]

You have your work cut out for you maybe seek professional advice from someone who cares about your situation

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice appreciate it heaps

So far the only person who cares is my GP but he is not a qualified psychologist he is just a doctor. When it comes to actual psychologist they have f me over so many times including recently when they breeched my patient confidentiality multiple times and even tried to have my baby taken of me and place her in the care of my sister who had assaulted me and had even sent me text messages making threats to harm me. They even lied to child protection and claimed I was being aggressive which I told child protection if I was aggressive the security at the hospital and the police who were also there would not have just sat there and done nothing.

[BLP11520]

Sorry this is going on

[In_Trance]

Get therapy

[Asker]

I have tried and I had my patient confidentiality breeched multiple times and even had them try and take my baby off me even though I have never harmed her or put her in danger

[jahaims]

Set a good example and your child with follow