Is late 20s too young to adopt a 13 year old child?

[Paulalove98]

My fiance wanna adopt a 13 year old or 11-13 year old kid in a few years while we plan to have our own baby as well. We both agree adoption is a lovely thing to do and even before I met him I was open to the idea. We can’t imagine going through all the baby stages again, the tantrums, the dirty diapers and the fussiness. We wanna experience our kids hobbies, interact with them, and see them evolve as a teenager. We wanna adopt a teenager because they’re already past all those baby stages and little kid stages and we can actually have a conversation if they’re 13 vs 3, 7, or even 9. I work with 4th graders as a tutor and it’s still chaotic at that age. I’ll be 28 or 29 more than likely when we adopt the child. Will the adoption place think I’m too young?

[Oliverlogan263]

Paula, adopting a teen is a huge responsibility. I gotta be real with you - late 20s may be pushing it, depending on the agency. Here are a few things to consider:

- Teens come with their own challenges - mood swings, risk-taking behaviors, identity issues. You have to be prepared to guide them through that.

- They may have experienced trauma in their past that you'll need to help heal. Are you emotionally equipped for that at 28-29?

- You want to be active parents, but teens want independence. That can cause power struggles. You need excellent communication skills.

- Agencies want to see stability - marriage, career, home ownership etc. Being barely 30 when the kid is 18 raises red flags for them.

My advice? Wait a few years until you're mid-30s at least. Enjoy your bio kids being young. In the meantime, consider fostering teens to get experience. That will make your adoption application stronger. Agencies just want to know the kid will be well cared for long-term.

Maybe talk to a counselor too. Adoption is awesome, but do it when you're truly ready to make a 15+ year commitment to a vulnerable youth. No need to rush into it either.

[Paulalove98]

I am very appreciative of your piece of advices on this topic and some things to consider, we definitely have and will continue to give this some thought and not rush this process. I myself had a rough childhood especially as a teenager so I do myself emphasizing with the kid on that note, and I have a ton of patience and care to give a child and I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was 16, of course I was nowhere near ready as I was still a kid myself but I’ve known for such a long time and I feel like I’ve waited so long already even tho I’m barley gonna be 25, I guess I just wanna be done with all the baby stages and skip to the fun stuff of bonding with your kid like sports, dance, music, choir, science, whatever they like. Even if it’s video games! My partner and I do want a baby and plan to but we just want one baby together that’s it. Nowadays everything is way more expensive let alone the process of pregnancy and childbirth is a lot mentally and physically on a woman. I also have a health condition that makes me have extra fatigue, prolonged periods at times, and less energy. I can still get pregnant but already as it is with my autoimmune it will take time and as I get older it’ll take longer to conceive and I don’t wanna be 35 barley with a 3 year old or 40 with a 5 year old. Age is something science already considers a big deal with women so I’m just basing myself off biology and I am already faced with the fact I can’t run away from the clock. I want a baby before 30 but just one baby and in my 30s just enjoying the small child with the joys and fun of an older sibling with them. I feel like this is the path meant for me since I barley met an amazing guy this year.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow that's really cool that you've thought about it so much and have reasons why you wanna adopt an older kid. It makes sense that you wouldn't wanna deal with babies if you have health stuff going on too. Adopting a teenager is probably better if you just want one kid and to have more fun with them doing activities n stuff. And it is smart to think about your age and all that stuff with getting pregnant later. You're right that it gets harder the older you get. It's nice that you met someone who wants the same things too. Adopting an older kid sounds like a good plan for you guys then. Just make sure the kid is okay with it and likes you. Maybe you could volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters or something first so they can see what you're like before officially adopting. But it seems like you'd be good parents since you've wanted to be a mom for so long and thought it through a lot. I think at 29 the adoption place probably wouldn't think that's too young. Good luck with everything!

[Effably]

I don't think so. Although they will bring it up. That's their job. They'd bring it up that you were old if that eas the case too.

I do think that asking to adopt anyone in the 9-13 range, especially if you have a preference on boy/girl will warrant extra attention and scrutiny. As you likely know those are the typical ages where predators find children most attractive. Not saying that to insult you, unless your guy seems highly insistent on a certain type of looks I suppose, but rather because again the agency will bring it up. That is their job. So if you didn't know yet, its just as well some stranger online informed you so you won't be as shocked when the agency asks.

[Paulalove98]

Of course they have the right to be concerned and have any questions, it’s their job and duty, also out of having care for these children but the end of the day some people in life really do just wanna help. Not everyone is a sicko nor out to hurt kids. They can run checks all they want on me and my fiance. We just would like an older child and a baby of our own because we want to experience both stages of parenting and we don’t wanna go through the baby stages again seriously. People seem to underestimate that, I’m not even just saying this or exaggerating. I have an autoimmune disease which prolongs my periods sometimes, my energy levels, and emotions. I’m only getting older too so I don’t wanna be 35 or 40 and barely raising a 5 year old.. we also met when I was 24, it was just divine timing I guess. Also not everyone adopts older kids, my heart goes out because they don’t get the attention or care they deserve. Everyone wants babies all the time, sure I want my own baby so does he. We want our baby together but we also wanna help a child go down a good path and give them happiness.

[Effably]

For what it is worth while my reply was crass I do think it is fantastic that you are looking to adopt. It really changes lives and is one of the most demanding ways to do so in. Honestly, might be the most demanding there is.

But they will still make you feel like criminals in the process sometimes. Your response here was great, concise, open, honest. Tolerant but without any sycophantry. I quite like your chances.

[Paulalove98]

No you’re awesome! I appreciate your response very much. I know we can never be too sure but we don’t plan to rush this process either:) but I could never imagine hurting a child. I grew up raising my little cousins like younger siblings almost and have a kind, caring, warmhearted nature for people and animals in this world but honestly we need more protection for kids these days especially.

[leahzrc]

make sure it is a boy lol sus he wants a 13 year old

[Anonymous]

13 is actually too old, forget about your age.

[SixFootSexy]

My thought is your own relationship should be extremely stable and well established before you bring a -likely- damaged teenager into the mix. My parents who are excellent people, adopted a few kids as babies and they all still have reactive attachment disorder (RAD) growing into their teen years. They often threaten and curse at my parents, no matter who is around. They lie constantly about stealing things, breaking stuff, etc. and are often in detention at school. Their birth mom was a drug addict and no doubt had some effects in utero.

[Still-alive]

Well i don't know you that well to know for sure so this is something you gotta ask yourself. do you feel like you and him can do it? if yes, go for it. if not don't go for it.

The 'yes' should be a definite yes by the way, not a 'maybe' or a 'i think i can do it' if you don't feel 100% yes you can do it then i suggest you not go for it.

Either way just keep talking to each other about it. do a lot of research etc.

[Kevininja363]

It shouldn’t think like that. You should be fine. I was adopted when my parents that I am with today were in their 30’s when I was born but as long as you fit the description of people who can adopt there shouldn’t be a problem.

[Anonymous]

I knew a 19 year old who adopted her teen brother after the parents died i know it's not the same but they seemed happy so if you are mature to handle it i say go for it but think it over a million times first because you can't just regret it and stop being a mom that wouldn't be fair to the teen

[BLP11520]

You know I would think really hard before doing that.

[AmeerX]

That's the most beautiful thing to adopt a child. And no I don't think they will do that you are not too young to adopt

[Iron_Man]

Usually people adopt babies or very young kids not usually teenagers

[In_Trance]

You've been with this guy for less than a year