If a father text his daughter once a month , what should the daughters mother do?

[happynessjsjs]

I am the mother. He never wanted her actually. But i had and we moved different ways during my pregnancy.. he was calling my daughter rarely but now its much more raely by the effect of his jelous new girlfriend. So what should i do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that sucks what your baby daddy's doing. Barely texting his daughter once a month is lame as hell. Seems like his new girl doesn't want her around either which ain't cool.

As the mom, you gotta look out for your daughter's wellbeing. Her having a dad in her life who's inconsistent like that could really hurt her, ya know? Make her feel abandoned or like she's not good enough. No kid deserves to feel that way.

Here's what I'd do - try talking to him one more time man to woman. Tell him straight how his flakiness is affecting your little girl. Maybe do it when his girl isn't around so he hears you out. See if he's willing to step up and commit to regular visits/calls.

If he keeps making excuses or blows you off, then I'd say let that be it. Don't force a relationship that's just gonna end up hurting your daughter more. Focus on surrounding her with people who love her unconditionally like family. She'll be better off in the long run.

You do what's best for your little girl. That's the most important thing here. Don't feel bad cutting him off if he won't change - some dads just ain't shit unfortunately. She's got you and that's what really matters. You got this!

[happynessjsjs]

Thank you very much for this wonderful comment. I’m trying. My daughter is 12 years old and this man has been like this for years. He wanted me to get pregnant, then he left me when I was pregnant and pressured me to abort the baby. I had a risky pregnancy and I stayed motionless for 9 months to make sure my baby was born. Then I always pushed this man to be a father to her. I constantly advised him to call his daughter. I encouraged his visits. This all happened because of my insistence. For example, I reminded him to call her on her birthdays. But when my daughter turned 12, the situation changed. The woman who entered my ex-husband’s life is definitely trying to cut off communication with my daughter. I can see this clearly. She also sent me a nasty message saying “he is mine now, you should find another father for your daughter, I will give him a child” and there is more. Lately he completely stopped communicating with my daughter. He didn’t even call her on Christmas. He didn’t invite her, let alone call her, he didn’t even give her a gift. My daughter is very sad right now. And I can’t do anything because I have no one to call. Besides, I’m a single mother, I live in a rather quiet place, I have no relatives. So I try to give as much love as I can in my two-person family. I hope I can succeed.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome. That's brutal what you and your daughter have gone through with this dude. No kid deserves to have a dad who treats them like that, coming and going whenever is convenient. And that new chick sounds toxic as hell, tryna cut your kid off like she's nothing. Real ugly behavior.

I know it's so hard being a single mom with no help, but you're doing an amazing job holding it down and giving your daughter a good home despite it all. She's lucky to have you for sure.

Few thoughts - is there any legal way to establish restricted visitation through the courts? Like he has to stick to a schedule or risk losing rights? Might put some pressure on him.

Also don't be afraid to call his ass out if he keeps flaking on your girl. Shame that loser in front of her so she learns not to put up with that shit from dudes when she grows up.

And keep reminding her his trash behavior has nothing to do with her. She's perfect just the way she is. Build up that self-esteem so ain't nothing some jerk ex can do to bring her down.

You got this, mama! Keep shining bright for your daughter and showing her what a real family looks like - the love of a parent who's always there. Fuck what he thinks, you're crushing it.

[Oliverlogan263]

Also, i would never act or be that way if I was a father and have a daughter… I would stick with the woman I love who would have my first child with me and if hypothetical thing happened like if we separated not saying so but if it did, I would always call my children and never ever let no woman cut or block me off from our own kids. Fuck no, but for her dad he doesn’t deserve the title to be called dad or deserve your little girl as his daughter at all. It’s easy to make a child but to one thing to raise and be a loving parent who truly care and love their child.

[happynessjsjs]

I believe you will be a good father. Your comments are very sensitive. This creature (I’m ashamed to call it human) didn’t pay alimony for years. When my daughter was born, he threatened me by saying “if I pay money, then I will take my daughter and move to Sweden (he is half Swedish citizen) and you will never see her face again”. I didn’t ask for alimony. He started paying only 3 years ago, and then I went and applied. When my daughter felt bad at Christmas, when she blamed herself, I told her not to blame herself. I told her the problem was with her father. I got so angry that I said “your father is an inadequate person, a person who can’t take responsibility”. Then I felt sorry for badmouthing him. And you are right, if his new girlfriend insults me again, I should complain so that my daughter sees me strong. I have another question, advice rather… My daughter is 12 years old, soon to be 13, maybe she shouldn’t care about this man not calling anymore. Am I wrong to think that? Should I tell her the real face of her father and prevent her from having any expectations. Because expectations are the things that make people sad. If she has no expectations from her father, maybe her sadness will ease

[Oliverlogan263]

That's such a messed up thing to do, threatening to take your kid away just to avoid paying support. What a low life!

You're right, your daughter is getting to an age now where protecting her emotionally has to become the top priority. At 12/13, she's old enough to start understanding people for who they really are.

I think you're on the right track telling her the honest truth about her father's character - that it has nothing to do with her as a person. She deserves to know so she doesn't waste time hoping for something that will never happen.

Having zero expectations is the best defense against future hurt from this dude. And you being straight with her shows how much you care about her mental health and self-esteem going forward.

It's never too early to teach our kids not to put up with half-hearted relationships or people who don't treat them right. You're doing a real solid job looking out for her true needs, mom - emotionally and practically.

Keep empowering that girl with the truth. She's lucky as hell to have you fighting that good fight for her everyday. You got this mama, stay strong!

[happynessjsjs]

thank you🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome mama 😊

[happynessjsjs]

i âm very frustrated atm :(... he didn't call or even text her for new year... my daughter became very silent and closed herself to the room. I tried to talk to her. She told me "he didn't give me any gifts this year." and cried. I wrote to her that it wasn't about her, that her father had problems with himself. I really don't know what to do. I was so angry that I sent a message to that man, "You didn't call your daughter on Christmas or New Year, you didn't give her a gift, you didn't even send a message, this is very cruel, children want to feel loved and valued by their fathers. not devalued." But then I deleted the message.. I'm very angry. sometimes I wish he would die."

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, sis I feel your frustration so hard right now. That dude is a straight up clown for continuing to let down your baby girl like this year after year. She doesn't deserve that kind of hurt.

As for your anger - totally understand wanting to go off on him. But deleting the message was probably for the best - he ain't worth the energy. Chicks like him get off on drama too much anyway.

Keep doing what you're doing - being there for your daughter unconditionally with all the love. Let her come to you when she's ready to open up about what she's feeling. Keep reminding her his actions say everything about HIM and nothing about her worth.

Maybe try planning something fun just the two of you can look forward to real soon? A movie night, baking cookies, whatever she's into. Small distractions help ease the pain.

And girl, VENT to me anytime! No judgement. Sometimes screaming into the virtual void is cathartic af. You got this mama - hold your queen tight and keep your chin up. Here for you both always.

[slatyb]

You can tell him how she feels but you can't make him heel in contact with her. The real question is what you are going to tell your daughter. Don't tell your daughter that her father is a bad person, just tell her you understand that she is disappointed that he doesn't contact her more often.

[happynessjsjs]

thank yoi for the comment. I think I did this yesterday. My daughter has been waiting all night for him to at least text her for Christmas. she told me this at the end of the evening. "Is this because of his girlfriend?" she asked me. Because her fathers new girlfriend sent me a message saying "You will stop communicating with your ex, my man", accompanied by a disgusting photo. My daughter saw this too. I showed this on purpose, I wanted my daughter to know. Yesterday, when my daughter asked me, "Did he not call because of his new girlfriend?" I said, "No, your father is an incompetent person. He is trying to lean on a richer woman because he cannot stand on his own feet. And she has full cobtrol by this way.. This has nothing to do with his love for you." Because this is the truth, unfortunately. He is a lazy person who does not like to work. and if a woman pays the bills, she feels like she has control over that person and feeding her ego..

[slatyb]

"No, your father is an incompetent person. He is trying to lean on a richer woman because he cannot stand on his own feet."

I don't think you should have said that. Do not disparage his character. Your daughter knows that she's half his. When you disparage his character she will start to wonder about her own. Better to let her form her own opinion as she grows up.

[happynessjsjs]

The reason I say this is because my daughter started looking for problems in herself. Why doesn't my father value me? Am I a bad person? She started thinking things like this about herself. And I wanted to prevent this. I wanted to say that the problem is not with her or us, but with her father.

[happynessjsjs]

I just don't want my daughter to get hurt. I don't want her to blame herself, because that's not true. This is her father's character (lack of character)

[rosemilk]

if he never wanted his daughter anyways, i feel like this is very fitting for him to slowly phase out communicating with your daughter. it's sad and i truly hope you and your daughter are doing okay without him.

[happynessjsjs]

thats sad but truth.. thank you

[Jmmmfi4]

NOTHING... LET HIM HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DAUGHTER

[happynessjsjs]

i am letting him. but he doesn't call her. only text her once a month... and she been sad about it

[Jmmmfi4]

ENCOURAGE HIM TO TEXT MORE

[happynessjsjs]

he didn't even call or text her for Christmas

[happynessjsjs]

his newgirl friend doesn't allow us to communicate even via messages

[happynessjsjs]

my kid was sad yesterday... i tried to cheer her up though.. i am very frustrated him.

[happynessjsjs]

how or what can i tell my daughter to cheer her up... i really dont know

[Jmmmfi4]

THAT IS AN UNFORTUNATE SITUATION

[happynessjsjs]

yes, unfortunatelly