Would you find it inappropriate for a grown man (~40) to be sending messages to your 21 year old daughter at 3am?

[Anonymous]

A little more background. He has some mental issues of some sort, but he has tried to “date” my niece when she was a minor and he was mid 30s.
His family thinks he’s harmless and pretty much enables him to do what he wants so they don’t have to deal with it, but I feel it’s really a matter of time before he says something or does something to the wrong person and ends up in trouble or worse.
He was also recently terminated from his job for sexual harassment and misconduct, but has still been prowling and creeping around younger females.

Inappropriate?

Harmless and I’m overthinking this?

Updates

1 y

Update: the creeper is on this app and posts a lot of disgusting and disturbing content.

[_Maya_]

On the one hand, she is an adult and technically can make her own decisions. Will they always be good? Nope. That's what life is all about. Learning from mistakes. Now onto the rest of the details. Yeah with that sorta person would make me feel very uneasy. If he has a reputation of trying to prey on younger girls and then has been terminated for sexual harassment that is a big... no huge red flag. Then on top of it he was prowling her when she was a minor? Uh no. Dude is no good and obviously a very shady person. I would be freaked out too knowing all the details you provided. I'd have a long sit down explaining all of this and have his number blocked by her.

[Apple1996]

Well getting fired for being a creep is a huge red flag regardless of her age he should stay away

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Inappropriate is not the word, unsafe is the word.

Given the history you describe, the keywords are sexual harassment, creeping, attempting to date with underage. it's pretty clear. When thinking through, we all know that a 20yo person, in most cases, is just a young adult with possibly not much maturity. She is your daughter, protect her. I also know that protecting in that case can be complicated since she is "adult". Still, there must be a way, maintaining communication with her, trying to understand her motives and interests would be a good start.

Good luck 🙏🏼

[Anonymous]

Absolutely wrong, if I was an uncle/father/friend in that situation
They would just turn up missing

[ProbablyClueless]

She's an adult. If she entertains the messaging, then it's not wrong or inappropriate for him to send them. The stuff he sent when she was a minor was a problem, but now that she's an adult, it's all about how your daughter responds.

Personally, I find the whole messaging young women thing rather cringey, but it's the woman's choice whether to entertain it, at the end of the day. 18 years of age is the line we've arbitrarily drawn for when people can make those sorts of decisions.

Your daughter has to be the one to decide if it's inappropriate.

[razelove]

The fact that you're asking this question means that she brought it to your attention so you already know the answer.

I'd bring the messages he had send when she was still a minor, especially if they're pictures, to authorities to get a restraining order at the least. Put a compact 9mm with a 10 round magazine, or.22 with a 20 round on your daughter in the meantime.

If she isn't willing to report him or carry, well, she's an adult, so let it play out how it plays out.

[Levin]

The age thing is largely irrelevant since your or my theoretical daughter is an adult and can make her own choices. As is the time, completely irrelevant.

All the other background and sketchy behaviour is not so promising though.

[Nikki1989]

Just because she is of adult age doesn't make it right. The creep factor here is off the charts.

[molonski2]

Putting his mental illness to one side , there is no problem , but given his mental state , ( not age ) I think its dangerous , and these kind of people can commit horrendous crimes.

[Avicenna]

Well, that she’s 21 is no issue, but targeting her when she was a minor is a huge problem and should have been dealt with at the time.

[Asker]

They dealt with it saying his blood sugar was low.

[Avicenna]

WTF?

[AviatorTom]

My initial reaction to the question was... it depends what he's sending.

After reading the description, his actions are questionable, and at least border on being totally inappropriate.

[LiamJHayden]

If he is a harasser I don't care if the daughter is 21 or 45, he needs to stay away.

[Anonymous]

age don't matter just like race don't matter

[Asker]

So when he tried to solicit a minor it’s totally just a numbers game?

[DrPepper12]

Keep him away and let his lackadaisical family know you're done. 🛑🚩☠️

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Sounds like he’s trying to groom her

[Avocadorable]

Inappropriate.