Why am I being attacked for saving someone’s life?

[Finchie40]

My ex wife attempted suicide by dumping a whole bottle of pills into her mouth saying she was going to kill herself , My instant reaction was to call the cops to get her help because she acted on attempting suicide and talking crazy talk The cops took her away and now my kids are upset with me and she is upset with me as well , for having her put away , she suffers from mental illness and I noticed her spiraling down for the past month this isn’t the first time she was taken away. Now she is telling our kids that I was wrong and that everything is my fault. My kids aren’t speaking to me or listening to my side of the story what so ever , she is telling the kids that I am a liar and now they are upset with me as well. Why am I being attacked for saving her life? Was I just supposed to sit there and take her attempt of suicide as a joke? If I had a gun to my head and said I was going to commit suicide , are people going to take that as a joke? I am so hurt and lost that I am being attacked for my reaction to save her , I do feel bad that she is in a psyche ward ,, and is telling me when she gets out the kids are moving in with her , I just say fine that’s ok. I am so lost and confused as to Why am I being treated like this asshole person all of a sudden? Was I suppose to read her mind and know that she wasn’t actually going to do it? I feel so alone and feel my life is spiraling down as well. Part of me just wants to say Fuck you all and go my own way , but that isn’t who I am as a person. I know my ex and I have our differences but I don’t hate her but apparently she hates me. I don’t know what to do?

[Mr_twoface]

Sorry to hear about your situation! How old are you kids? If they are still under your roof, what you can do is daily having normal conversation with them and state how much you love them and literally being there for them. Do the household chores and drive them to school practices, gym, and literally be their for them as a dad.

If they are older and have moved out. Still continue to show respect, love and empathy towards the situation the family is in. Be there for them, continue to try to have conversations with them without being too interactive and constantly tell them when you get the chance, that you love them. If they need the distance, give it to them.

Important is that since you have shared your side of the story, don't continue bringing up and don't justify your actions. Never talk down/bad about your ex cause she is still your kids mother and in fact allow them to have conversations with her and be supportive that she is getting the treatment she needs without escalating the conversation. Even apologizing for escalating the whole situation to where you stand today (even though you did nothing wrong and rescued her) and mentioning you never wanted to hurt anyone's feeling, can go a long way. Not necessarily makes everything great, but can make them feel you have empathy of the situation.

Believe me, as they grow older and become more mature, they will understand the situation and your actions. You have to allow them to make their own assessment and judgement. It is a long road ahead, just have patience and hope the mental ward helps her get better. She may hate you now but things will change if she gets the proper treatment.

[Finchie40]

My kids are older , my youngest is 18 my okdest is 22 , today seems like a better day , it seems they are now understanding why I did what I did , I haven’t talked down about their Mom to them what so ever , I just say I am praying she gets the help she needs , and I been spending more time with my kids letting them know that no matter what happens , I am always here for them and that I love them with all my heart. My daughter confessed that my ex was blaming me for everything and talking down about me like I am this horrible person but my daughter said Dad we know that’s not true , we were just sad seeing Mom in the hospital that she is in. My ex told my kids to not let me come visit her or talk to her , so I haven’t made any attempts to go see her , but she called me today and we talked for a bit and she is starting to sound better. My ex told me the truth that she was angry at me for putting her on there but said she is feeling better , she is getting the treatment she needed. That’s all I wanted for her

[chrissykerdock]

i'm very sorry finchy

[Mr_twoface]

I'm glad things were somewhat positive when you wrote this. You seem to be doing all the the things right and life is sadly like a roller coaster with good and bad times. Its though but just keep on doing what you are doing and hopefully things will work out for you man. We are all here supporting you and if you want to ventilate, feel free to do so. Take care!

[NathanDavis]

first, because they're very upset... and also because they're kids, don't expect the kids, to be the grown-ups... you're the adult here

also, as the adult and the father... if you have not gained their trust, that is on you...

[Finchie40]

My kids are upset seeing their mom in a psych ward and I explained to them why I called in the first place , they seem to understand but they are also upset with me for calling in the first place , Emotions are high and now I feel lost on what I should do , part of me is angry and part of me is sad that it came down to this. Mental illness isn’t something that is easily explained on whether it’s right or wrong , I know my intentions was to get her the help she needs , I am just sad my kids don’t see it
That way

[NathanDavis]

give it time... they're kids

[YesterdaysChild]

Would they still be upset with you had she actually succeeded in her threat? You did the right thing as you are not certified to deal with these things. Some day they will understand that. Maybe in time they may also have to make that choice. Don't knock yourself so badly. Some lesser person would not want to get involved because of something like this. They would be the lesser person while you did it out of love, enough that you would have to take heat for it. I applaud you Finchie!! 😘👍🏼

[Finchie40]

Thank you for the kind words , my intentions was to get her help and noticed her spiraling downward for about a month now , getting worse and worse , little by little , my instincts was to get her the help she needs , I don’t consider myself a hero at all , I just felt like it was the right thing to do even though I didn’t expect the outcome of all of this backfiring on me like it did but in my mind it wasn’t about being right or wrong , it was about getting someone help that wasn't getting the help they needed on their own , my instincts knew something was off on her , from the way she was talking lately and acting. This isn't my first rodeo with her doing this she has been institutionalized before for her mental health. What most people don’t know is that I let my ex move back in with me , mainly for the kids sake and finances and her health has been declining , not only does she have mental illness , she also has other health conditions as well , , I don’t really like telling people my personal business mainly because I know so many people are judgmental and assume things that aren’t true. I still love her , even though we have our differences , and we been through a lot together , I still care about her and love her , I just can’t be in a relationship with her anymore , her mental illness is something that is not easy to handle , best way to describe it is it’s like being in a relationship with Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , Dr Jekyll was sweet loving and caring the side of her that I fell for , But Mr Hyde hates my guts when that side of her shines. For years I thought I could handle it , but sadly all it did was slowly eat me up alive. Her mental health got worse and worse through the years to the point I couldn’t handle it anymore. But when Dr Jekyll comes back into the picture , that’s the girl I love and care for. Her and I just have a lot of resentments towards each other but we both know we love each other deep down inside. But it’s sadly a Love I had to

[Finchie40]

Move on from for my own sanity and health , if her and I meet someone new we both agreed to not bring the new person around until we know they are on it for the long haul. My dating life hasn’t been easy since I let her move back in but I am not looking to rush into any relationship at this time , once my kids are on their own 2 feet then I would probably invest more time in finding a real connection with someone , But since all this went down, my ex is now threatening me that she wants to sell the house and split it and go her separate ways for good , so I don’t know what’s next for me in life , things haven’t been the greatest for quite some time now , I am trying to hold on myself

[YesterdaysChild]

👍🏼😘

[sage2021]

Hi YOU 🙂
It sounds like things are looking for now. Maybe they put her on some medicine to help her thinking.
One thing I had to learn is to give myself permission. Learn to give yourself permission to believe you did what almost anyone would do in your situation.
Give yourself permission to say out loud that you are not responsible for other peoples behavior. Right? You are not responsible for a person's mental illness.
Your ❤️ heart is in the right place to make the future better for your family.
If you do sell the house and split the money, who will take care of her if you're not there anymore. So, please give that some serious thought.

As far as I am aware I don't think mentally ill people are ever cured of it and you could have more rodeo's with her. Why prolong the agony of being in a dysfunctional family? You deserve your own life. Perhaps now that Pandora's box has been opened, maybe this is the time for the two of you to split the sheets?
This is not an easy decision for either of you, but it a necessary decision to make. Otherwise you will be her caregiver until the end.
Remember hon, start learning to give yourself permission OK?
😎

[IslaTheWitch]

You have to be sure of the actions you take. Don't expect people to notice or praise you.

Kids don't understand everything, and their opinion is based on their fears. You, as an adult, should make them feel safe even if their mother was taken away in the moment of the crisis.

You mentioned she is ill. Secure the specialist's help and support her. Her actions come from her illness. She needs help, and your kids also should be provided with the support of a psychologist.

Being in a relationship with a mentally ill person is not easy.

[Anonymous]

when i tried killing myself and was discovered like right after... my grandma who was the only person in my life like ACTUALLY there for me was so disappointed. i could see it on her face and all the other emotions. i felt so fucking ashamed to the point it almost put me over again. even like now it crushes me thinking about it

im not saying what your ex-wife did is okay and it's awful you're going through that, but i told that story to like give you like an idea how a suicide attempt can make you feel. everyone reacts differently to that feeling and im sorry that's how she did. turning your kids against you is terrible

try to push through and be the best person you can. you staying strong is something your kids gonna appreciate one day and hopefully her too

[Anonymous]

Urgh. I hate to be the voice of dissension here, but someone who is serious about killing themselves isn't going to thank someone for prolonging their suffering. So if you're expecting praise/thanks...

In this kind of situation, you need to do what you think is right because you think it's right. Not because you expect to be lauded as a hero.

The fact that you knew about it and she made a big display out of it sounds like the proverbial "cry for help" and attention. If she really wanted to be successful, you wouldn't have known about it, you'd just be arranging a funeral.

[Cutegirl06]

You did the right thing in calling the cops, and the kids will understand that one day and they will see their mother was really sick. There is no way she can get them kids away from you if she's trying to kill herself. You're kids are probably scared and confused right now. I wish you and your kids the best!

[OlderAndWiser]

She is mentally ill. This is how mentally ill people act. If she acted normal all the time, she wouldn't be mentally ill.

[DaBiggestBird]

Because they’re all Biden supporters and don’t believe in God. You more importantly also contributed to saving this person’s eternal life, I commend you as Da Biggest Bird

[Being_a_good_Lesbian]

If she used to cook all the food and shit, you start doing it. Clean the toilet and all. This will minimize your kid's sense of lack and soon they'll get used to not having her around.

[wiltingrosepetal]

She is fucking up your kids lives. They are going to have lingering psychological issues when all this is done. Only a truly messed up person would put their family through all of that

[DizzyDesii]

I hate your kids are blaming you. They’ll understand soon enough

[Yoursweetgirl]

I think it's her who is behaving like an asshole and wants to have kids against you.