What's wrong with you? Do you find it rude especially when someone asks why you are still single?

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Do you find it rude? Esp, when someone asks why you are still single...

[Anonymous]

I used to get worked up about this. What I hated the most is when women judge single men thinking that dating is same way it is for guys as it is for women. That’s the worst. It’s not even remotely the same when all else is equal.

However nowadays I am just like “well the hell with them” and I do my own thing. I will remove myself from situations were I might get judged unfairly. Even family get togethers. If a friend can’t be respectful then they are not a friend. If a family member can’t be respectful I will tell them it’s not of their business and draw the line.

And no I’m not “secretly gay” or some other bs for being single at my age. If you want to make that ignorant asinine judgment then feel free to be a moron. But I won’t have anything to do with you. I got my own commitments in life.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

I used to be judgmental but I'm not going to judge you. It doesn't help in a healthy conversation. I think it's a choice and time that influence hugely on our lives. Opportunities, whether it's limited or unlimited. Both ends could lead to non-romance. I agree with you if people around us don't respect for what we are, it's okay to leave them. I did too. I was asked too many times like there were nothing else about me to be discussed about. Boring.
Thank you for sharing.

[Opinion Owner]

Some of these people think they are “helping” me by motivating me to date or something. Like I am just being lazy and not trying. But for men it’s not hitting a f*cking light switch if we want to be in a relationship or not.

As a man I am expected to stick my neck out to make things happen. That’s just how it is. If I don’t take a risk chances are nothing will ever happen. I also need to do it and be prepared for things to go south at any second. When they do I’m expected to take it in stride and let it roll off my shoulders.

For example about 2 months ago I connected with a nice young lady on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and I talked to her on the phone and confirmed she was legit. She was more in line for what I am looking for. Hard working girl in her late 20s, comes from a traditional family, attractive (but not some airbrushed model), laughs at my corny jokes, was responsive to my messages and open minded etc. I also never mentioned sex or anything creepy (although she brought up sex first a few times).

So after two weeks of talking we had a date planned. I was going to treat her out to a fun place. She seemed really excited.

[Opinion Owner]

Well the day came and she texted me a few hours before saying she couldn’t make it because she got called into work. Said she would follow up later to reschedule. I initially believed her but after that I never heard back from her again.. I know I did absolutely nothing wrong talking to her earlier too. I kept it light and funny but also sincere. Very careful not to say anything creepy or inappropriate. But I had her laughing too at several points.

But as man that’s the bs I have to deal with. I get really pissed off when ignorant people just assume I voluntarily decided to stay single or something. Sure I could date way down if I wanted to. I actually semi did this a few years ago and it was a huge mistake. Not good for her nor good for me. But again it’s not like I made a voluntary decision to remain single but I am not going to bend over backwards just to get screwed (had woman friéndzone in the past for that which was beyond horrible).

Anyway I am glad you owned up about being judgmental in the past. Too many people make mental short cuts and asinine assumptions.

I also know single women have their trials and tribulations too when it comes to “modern” dating. But never compare men and women apples to apples when it comes to this. It’s usually much harder for men when all else is equal. We don’t get approached the same way women do.

And we do get approached it’s very rarely from someone who is on par with us.

[OfMiceandMen]

When they imply there is something wrong with you because your single, then yes, I take issue with that.

I live a really busy lifestyle and sometimes it is hard to meet people, so I was single for years. It's not a bad thing and because I am comfortable in my own skin and not needy, I enjoyed it as much as possible.

I travelled to places that I wanted to see, made new friends on all my adventures, I made being single fun and interesting.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

That's partly me. And it's awesome. Thank you for sharing.

[OfMiceandMen]

Welcome.🫡

[bobalife]

I mean I never had been asked “what’s wrong with you” 😳😅😂 but more of “how could someone like you be single” it’s a compliment yet I know people wanna find out if there are red flags lol. Just be honest and confident about it~

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

For a sweet lady like you, I agree they're making a compliment. 😊

[bobalife]

Awww thank you, you’re too kind 🥹😭❤️🤍

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Have a nice day!

[bobalife]

Thank you, have a nice day too!☺️

[LaurenM1997]

My reply to why am I still single is cause I haven’t found the right one

[LaurenM1997]

It can be a bit frustrating to be asked the same question frequently

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

You're right.

[NathanDavis]

these are two different questions... lol

I don't mind it when someone asks me why I am single... I just tell them why I am single

now, if they ask "what's wrong with you..." then I just I'm sorry? lol...

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Okay. Sorry for that.

I have been asked many times with surprising reactions. But one literally asked if I was still single and noted "There must be something wrong."

[NathanDavis]

a cynical remark, perhaps...

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

The person usually mentioned that someone's mental. So that is my interpretion.

[monorprise]

It is a valid question although depending upon age there are 3 possible answers either it's your judgement, your ignorance, or something you can't fix.

In all 3 cases it remains possible someone might be able to help you if you tell them what you know.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

I wish they would be kind, not sending someone who's not ready to be in a relationship to me.

[Somoneelse]

A lot of people assume everyone wants to be in a relationship and have kids. It's some sort of standard in society. When you are single or don't want kids. People assume there's something wrong with you because this is different from the society standard.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Actually, I think it'd take too long if I have to explain everything from environmental catastophe to my (a/demi/sapio) sexuality. Lol

[Sharkstealth]

Nobody has asked me that. One time I was at a sporting goods store and a woman had her young daughter who needed a baseball glove. She said "Your a father arnt you?" Because she needed someone to fit it to her correctly. I said no and said there is probably a female salesman someplace. One showed up.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Maybe she didn't have anything else to ask? Weird social cue, I supposed.

[Sharkstealth]

I've become accustomed to women approaching me but Valentines day is tomorrow. I wonder if it will subside.
Her daughter was funny. I think she wanted me to help her also. She looked about 10.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

I really have no idea about that. By the way, it is now in Asia. But I'm indifferent. Only teens are into it. Nut I wish you a happy Valentines in advance. 😊

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

*But

[SamZy16]

www.instagram.com/.../?igsh=MTY2aGdhZmlydmd4NA==

☝🏻☝🏻😌

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Hahaha... That's cool. Thanks!

[SamZy16]

Hahah yeah that's funny

[MrNameless]

Nah, I find it as a compliment

What I do find annoying is when family tries to play matchmaker or asks when I'm getting married as a single person. THAT, is annoying as ****.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Thank you. I should train my mind to think it's a compliment like you too. Sometimes, I was introduced to guys. Then, I compare my current situation. I have to evaluate if I can trade my independence with the responsibilities I will have in order to be a good partner (housewife). I'd be tempted to be in a relationship if only I lose my job and become broke. 😅 Or I am too afraid I can't achieve my life wishes without a man.

[Drew-1990]

It depends on how they ask, sometimes it's actually a compliment like they are asking how it's possible other times yes because they say it in such a judgey way

[ChicoFromThe305]

I'm actually asked in the good way lol

I'm also asked how I'm still a virgin which I take as a compliment lol

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

I sincerely respect men who can keep their virginity, esp. in this fast-moving world. It takes a great effort to say no. I always tell my male students that if a woman offers sex to you for free, be careful...

[ChicoFromThe305]

Thank you I appreciate your sincere respect, it's also respectful how you are teaching the youth to think when certain opportunities show their face and might even be tempting, teaching them to think with the right head.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Best!

[ArrowheadSW]

If/when someone asks me that, I don't consider it to be rude. However it comes across somewhat narrow of them because they usually act like everyone is supposed to be married.

[KittygosMeoWW]

lol yes…. Or the “you’re still pretty, someone will come along to help you raise your child” 😑

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Hmmm... Sounds like a backhanded compliment.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Yeah it is

[LiamJHayden]

I just tell them, "I'm really toxic."

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Good idea. Lol

[LiamJHayden]

It usually shuts them up and makes them leave.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

I actaully remind them from time to time that "I'm INTJ" and sacarstically posted on deleted FB "I'm hazardous waste."

[AngryCarl]

I don't find it rude. There's a lot wrong with me and I'm actually more offended when people tell me I'm okay, when I'm clearly not.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Ohhhhh...

[TheSpaceGnome]

The only times anyone has asked me why I'm still single, was because they thought I'm attractive. Seems kind of silly to find that rude.

[aceleon]

i tell them i am not a relationship guy in almost every sense and even if i was girls that suits my tastes are too much of a rarity to even bother and i NEVER settle for things when i desire something.

[grega239]

Its annoying as fuck.

Yes i am. No need to ask me every fucking month

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Same

[noohair]

I don't accept societal norms on this issue. You can always say, none of your business.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Isn't that impolite? I've learned that some expressions shouldn't be used in real life... There are other non-natives like me think it's a bit rude to say "What's wrong with you?" So I'm not sure when to use them. What if it's not a thing to overthink as other members repiled.

[HappyWoman34]

No. It’s rare for people to ask me why I’m single.

[MemeSupreme]

no but it's probably bc i want to be single rn lol i can see why it can be rude tho

[Pohjolan]

Not really. It's mostly older folks who don't understand how modern dating works.

Like my grandmother wouldn't understand why many women prefer fuckboys to a committed long term relationship.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Not all for sure. They just don't realize the differences of guys who are actually serious but shy? So they'd assume that the first ones who approach them truly like them?

[MLGbreezy]

Do you mean the what’s wrong with you part or the why are you single part?

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

The line was "Why are you still single? What's wrong with you?" But I'm quite sure to the last part's more like a statement.