Why do people choose to be childless?

Question

I don't understand why people choose to be childless. I grieve over not being able to have children. I feel like a part of me is dead because any potential child I could have had if I could have children is dead. My life feels so pointless and empty. I don't have anyone to live for. I will never feel the love of a child. I will never feel the fulfillment of raising a child. I feel like I will never fully be an adult. My parents are going to die and I am going to be all alone. I wish I had a big family so bad, it would be so much fun and I would have so many close people in my life. But my life is empty. Everyone I love is going to die and I am going to be all alone. Why would anyone choose this? I wish I had the same perspective as anyone who would choose to be childless.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Um, if you would like a child...that badly, there are other ways to have children such as adoption. Adoption and other methods do NOT make you less of a mother. I have plenty of friends who are mothers that way and no one knows the difference. There are a lot of women who cannot bear children and want them, that choose adoption, surrogacy, etc.

For me, I was diagnosed at a young age with a chronic illness that I could potentially pass on to a child. I remember hearing that just being newly diagnosed and it was terrifying. I've struggled so much with it, that I never want to put that on a child. My brother, who is not a carrier, fulfilled the prophecy and carried on the family name by having two kids, but one was born with a genetic disease. This is the part of parenthood that no one talks about and no one is allowed to express. I've watched the joy and light go out of his eyes slowly and steadily because his whole life has become caring for his kids with his wife. Vacations are rare, travel is rare, all their money is spent on childcare, surgeries, and hospital visits. He can't just book a babysitter because they need to have specialized training, which then means more money. He's exhausted all the time. He doesn't have a life. I can barely talk to him because he works such long hours to help provide for all this, and then gets straight into their care when he gets home, but he's publicly supposed to just smile and talk about the joy of parenthood when this is his and his wives reality.

I can be selfish and take care of myself. And I need to with my own s---t. Keeping myself alive is hard work given my circumstances. I don't mentally, emotionally, physically have the amount of energy required to take care of myself AND a child or children. The good thing is, my only and all fulfillment and satisfaction in life is not based on me having or potentially having a child. I am more than JUST my womb. I'm edging on being "too old" now to bear children, and I'm okay with that. i'm okay that life doesn't have to revolve around me having to be a mother to have value to OTHER people. They can think that all they want. I know who I am.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

As someone that chooses NOT to have kids, I am going to try and answer this question as respectfully as possible.
Because some of us realize having children is not what we want in life. Contrary to what most people believe, not all people want or like children. NO, it's not selfish or wrong to feel that way- if anything, it's mature. If you know you won't be a good parent, or have the means to support a child, why bring one into this world? For the sake of having someone to "pass your genes onto?"

NO. Sorry but it's not worth it. I have no maternal instinct. My patience is low. And raising kids is hard and expensive, not to mention harder than it was for our parents.
So for the sake of my sanity and well being, no I will not have a kid just because "I'm a female and have the reproductive organs to do so..."

I've seen people have kids that didn't want them, but did so for whatever reason: be it to make their families happy, or because they thought it was required for their marriage- and they're not happy. If you go to reddit, there is literally a thread of people anonymously posting their regrets on having children... not a few people but LOTS.

Now if you want kids and can't have them for whatever reason? My condolences. If I could, I would happily donate my eggs to a woman that wants them as I have no use for them. But please don't judge those of us that don't want them. I assure you, the majority of us are quite happy child free- nor do we have any regrets.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

First of all I am so sorry that is the case for you and thank you for taking the time to share this.

I understand what you mean to me having children is a very beautiful and fulfilling step in life and all my life even when I was young I grew up constantly hearing my generation talk about how they don't want marriage or kids or anything like that. Then I see those people who didn't grow out of that mindset feeling so lonely and isolated and not fully understanding why and I wish I could tell them you actually wanted a family and children.

Even those who have children I hear these thoughts echoed of how their kids eat up their free time or they can't go out to party or drink as much. I just think you are a parent now who cares about those fleeting superficial things those kids need you to be their Mother or Father. You have no idea how lucky and fortunate you are what I would give to have children and a loving family household one day. Sorry to vent just was on my mind.

Now I don't know all your circumstances but have you considered surrogacy or adoption possibly? Not to get too personal I know for me having the kids being related to you biologically on some level is important. But, if you have worries of losing your parents and not having a big family it will be hard work but if you can utilize these options you might be able to start one and give those kids a safe place to called home. Then they in turn will be a part of your life through the various different stages and make sure you are safe and looked after in your old age. Maybe it won't be the exact family you envisioned but if you work hard and raise them right they will love you even though you have scars from life you carry but they will still accept you anyway. I hope this helps don't lose hope and try to find or consider different ways that can work for you; keep moving forward and don't give up.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well for me there are several different reasons I don't want kids: kids are expensive for one thing and also remove a big chunk of freedom to do things with your life. I like the freedom that I have now and don't want to loose that. I like my career and want to continue to work on that and to travel to places that I want to see and to continue to learn about things that interest me. Kids would always get in the way of that. There's a lot I want to do with my life and kids just won't ever fit into it.

I have never liked children I find them really irritating and dislike being around them. I've never had the desire to have children which I am grestful for honestly. I hate all holidays and wouldn't want to do anything about it.

I think the world and a lot of the stuff going on is ridiculous and I wouldn't want to have to deal with a child and that. I have a lot of difficulties navigating social and stuff people consider normal.

I do dislike the fact that kids are still seeming to be the expected thing to do. And you seem to be judged for not wanting them.

I'm sorry for what your going through and how you feel about all of this, you might be able to do something like adopt. I do wish you all the best.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I'm sorry you're going through this rough time. I hope you are able to get some professional help for dealing with something that can seem very overwhelming for you.

That said, I'm childfree. It was a choice I made many many years ago. Why do some people wear socks with sandals? It's just what they choose to do. Doesn't have to make sense to everyone. Doesn't make sense to me. But tons of people do it.

If you want a big family, you could always adopt.

Red_Arrow · Answer

You made the decision to be childless when you chose to undergo a sex change. You had the potential to be a father, to raise a child, to have someone to live for, to have a big family. It has been mentioned that you can adopt, but you appear to not want that and feel that your life is empty because you cannot have children that are biologically yours. And now you are lamenting your situation as if it had been forced on you. You made the decision years ago to make it impossible for you to have children that are biologically yours. You knew all this years ago, but chose to lose the ability to have your own children. So... why did you choose to be childless?

RavenBear0 · Answer

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I suppose to answer your question, some people just don't like kids and just don't want them, some people are scared of being a parent and raising a kid for many reasons, could be because of how they were raised and they're scared they would turn out like their parents, could be because they have certain health issues that they wouldn't wanna pass onto their child or have their child have to grow seeing their parent sick, could just be because they're scared they'd have to do it alone and can't handle that responsibility, there's a lot of different reasons why certain people don't want to have kids and I do understand quiet a few of those reasons myself as some of them are a fear of my own, yes I do still want kids but it can be really scary and some days I don't wanna have kids for several reasons

Lliam · Answer

I never wanted the responsibility. The financial responsibility, alone, is huge and never ending - food, care, clothing, toys, medical, sports, activities, education, etc. There is the pressure of raising them right, being a good role model, basically dedicating your entire life to them. There is the worry and inevitable heartache. And I don't even think they are that cute.

Then, when (if) they grow up, they think they are know it alls.

My wife and I love each other. We are a team. We want each other to be happy and fulfilled. We have lots of fun and work to build a future together. But we agree that we're glad that we never had the burden of kids.

TonyV · Answer

Well I'd rather be financially stable before I have a kid, and secondly kids annoy the shit out of me, I watch my friends kids do things that would upset me, maybe make them sit in the timeout corner, but they just find it cute and funny.

So I don't know, right now my puppy can push my limits and it's a dog, it's humane for me to lock him in a tiny cage called a kennel when he dosent listen, you can't do that with a baby, I ain't ready for a baby, anyone who just thinks they ate ready for their first baby is a fool, it's a huge task and honestly the first 3 years seem like torture to me.

Also we are way over populated as a race.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Why not adopt then? If you can't have kids and want them, why not exercise that option or even be a foster parent?

Regardless, people desire freedom and we are selfish by nature. People don't want to give up time, energy and dreams just to bring a kid into a world where they have to sacrifice and devote their focus to the child. In today's day it is even tougher with inflation and society trying to have more rights to a child than the child's own parents. It would be an added stressor for a lot of people bringing in a kid if they don't desire one and it won't be different for people who want kids either. It is a lot harder to raise a kid these days.

JacobJordan · Answer

was a tad confused until I looked closer at your profile picture and your profile. you could have had children you made a choice to remove your ability to do so. why would you remove your ability to have children? you could have impregnated a woman you could have been a father you could have had children. you had the biological tools required to do so and you had them removed. YOU made a choice to destroy the tools required for you to have your own children and now YOU are upset you can't? that makes no sense what so ever.

HawkPerception · Answer

I'll never understand it myself.

There's a large movement in women (due to feminism and women empowerment) that don't want a man in their lives or kids. And they'll use excuses like "Why would you want your kids to be raised in this shitty world." These are literally the easiest times to live in and best time it's ever been thoughout history to be a girl by far.

Those people who choose to not have kids are going to be bitter and lonely when they're older, more so when they see others fulfilled with families and kids they can watch grow up around them. Eventually the kids will be taking care of them and the people without kids will left with no one.

Unit1 · Answer

I have like 10 reasons but I only need to look at the fact, that I work in IT and have a bachelors degree. People told me if I want to become rich, then do just that.

I sleep on a mattress on the floor and if I am lucky I get to eat twice per day.

Other than that

No time and dedication
No desire at all
No woman loves me
Kids are annoying and a burden and pricey
They are likely turning out to be junkies
Hell, I won't even truly own any kids. The government does.
Not worth the risk. They may set the home on fire
And quite honestly they'll fucking hate me for making them just like I hate my parents

No amount of perfect parenting 100% prevents any of this.

loveslongnails · Answer

Hmmm... because lots of people do not think the way you do about having children! Lots of people do not want the responsibility of having children and all it involves.
Lots of people do not want the expense of having children.
Lots of people do not view their lives as being empty or unfulfilled or meaningless without kids.

And the list of reasons goes on and on depending on who you ask. If you truly want to raise kids, you can find a way to do so. However, my strong advice is to first make sure you're not living a life of constant trauma and regret, or you'll do more harm than good.

Agape93 · Answer

I don't want to push out an 8lb football from a hole the normal diameter of a Nickle.

I don't wanna spend 35 grand or more to give birth.

I don't want to ruin my body.

I don't want to ruin my education and job prospects.

Giving birth can and does kill people.

Kids are expensive and disgusting.

Etc.

Anonymous · Answer

As a guy in the West, being childless is the ABSOLUTE smartest move I can make, and am. I walk around with my eyes and ears open. I'm not trying to be a "baby daddy"... and that's all U. S. culture is. Baby mommas, baby daddies, in and out of jail, child support, DV, over and over and over and over. Now, once I leave the U. S., that may very well change. I've spent time outside the country, and the values of other places are DRASTICALLY different. Ask Michael Fay what happened to him FAST in Singapore when he tried there what people do in the U. S. He never tried it again.😉

kylee2437 · Answer

I don’t hold much empathy towards you. You are transgender and when you choose something that isn’t natural for yourself, of course you are going to have consequences towards that. There’s consequences to every choice you make in life. And that’s why as a bisexual woman, I want to be with a man long term and it’s because I do want a kid, but if I ever end up with a woman I have to accept I’m not having a kid.

Don’t ever drag natural women through the mud of your nonsense ever again.

Jessica405 · Answer

Two reasons I don't want children. The first is I spent 7 years at uni ans clocked up huge student loans. I am now a career girl, except I have a eyesight issue.

The second is I do not want to bring children into this world when they have to face death. It is also not a very nice world these days, and getting worse.

MemeSupreme · Answer

ik you want a child who came from you and idkk what it's like not having the choice to but why not adopt? it's the connection that matters and not blood

and not everyone should have or want kids. atm im not choosing to bc i don't wanna fuck them up like that is one of my biggest fears. if i don't ever have feel ready then it is what it is

exitseven · Answer

I know people that chose not to have kids because they did not want the responsibility. A guy I want to grade school with did not get married until later in life. He said he was too selfish to have kids. He and his wife go on nice vacations and he has a Harley Davidson that he rides around on. They seem happy with their life.

Tina19 · Answer

Human always value what they don't have in life and always take what they easily get for granted this is basic human nature well some people are not ready to take responsibility of children due to various reasons it's a personal choice giving birth is not enough we need to raise our children in correct manner which is a huge responsibility in itself

douride2 · Answer

I am sorry you can't have children. I am in the same place as you I can't bare children. Medical issues. I'm not letting it get me down though. I have a young man in my life I am legal guardian for my young nephew. From what I hear there are thousands of small children that need homes. You can always adopt.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

Not everyone wants the same thing out of life.

I'm sorry to hear that you're grieving. But remember that you can still have kids in other ways than to birth them yourself. (If that's the reason you cannot have kids)

IslaTheWitch · Answer

because everyone is different We have different goals, plans, and dreams. For some, children are the most important thing under the sun; for some, they are not. As with everything else.

Why do people choose to be childless?

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