Is it normal to have a hard time forgiving myself even when the person already forgave?

[Anonymous]

I'm already friends with the girl I gave a hard time for 3 whole years; years she'll never get back. After how I treated her, my other friends said I'm lucky she was forgiving.

It's that she killed me with kindness and I felt in debt since that day. Once in a while, I reflect back and feel shame at how my former self was; judgmental, rotten instigator. Her b-day is on April 12. Is it normal to feel shame at times and have a hard time forgiving myself?

Updates

+1 y

Then whenever the topic of school bullies comes in the news or in a movie, I'm back to feel so ashamed, disgusted with my former self.

[sheenagwapa]

i'm so sorry... i'm actually like that in a wsy but when it comes to God. i feel like He would then punish me but i know He isn't like that. He has always been my rescue. i have ocd though i think it plays a big role on why i feel that way.


we are all not perfect. i am a devotee of the Divine Mercy and the core message of the Divine Mercy is NOW IS THE TIME OF MERCY not punishment. there's a time for that.


anyway maybe you should seek a professional or school counselor i think they will help a lot in dealing with mental/emotional issues.

[laly520]

its fine to feel that way but destructive u gonna carry those feelings for long it will eventually get to ur mental health n bring u down
I recommend seeking therapy

[DoggyDude]

It's called regret and yes it's normal. You don't need to forgive yourself, you need to absorb the lessons you learned causing the regret (not able to forgive yourself) and apply that to your future. You will always not forgive being that way, but you will know your no longer that way and will help others to learn what you did and not be like our worst selves.

So yes, its normal, and its a learning experience.

[Asker]

I had no reason to be that way (a school bully), none. I have a good upbringing and my parents were very disappointed at that time. I was originally grounded for that. Usually my dad is the softer parent and isn't into an extended punishment but even he didn't want to speak to me for a bit and wasn't taking my side. That's the rare time I saw him very disappointed, hurt and upset.

[KrakenAttackin]

If you were cruel to her it is just that you suffer.

[Asker]

I tormented her at school for 3 years (until she fought me, leading to a suspension for both of us; her for 2 days and me for 5 days because someone else recorded it and yes I was the instigator) and I've been trying to make up for it.
Thing is even after the fight, I still wasn't sorry. Originally I was trying to get her to help me with math course and the midterms, so I faked an apology; basically using her. She accepted it but then after she spoke to my parents and convinced them to let spend time with friends for the New Year (I was initially grounded for both Christmas and New Year), saving my New Year and being very kind, I felt terrible ever since. I need to make it up to her still.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... she has forgiven you so you need to be a better person moving forward. Pay it forward and be a positive force to others.

[dustybiker2]

I suggest you ask to speak with your school councilor. That is what they are there for and will have a professional opinion to best help you. You never know who is here on gag.