Why does my dad wanna choose booze over me on Father’s Day?

Question

I texted my dad asking if we could do something tomorrow he said he was away for the weekend on the booze I’ve tried to patch stuff up with us as there’s been so much problems but all he wants to do is neglect me and make me sad and disappointed my mum is fed up of seeing me sad and hurt and disappointed cause he’s let me down 😞💔

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

You can't change your dad. It's best to just adapt the way you treat him to protect yourself. My dad was always busy with friends and I didn't feel good around him in my late teens early twenties. I felt something was wrong but I didn't understand it yet. But at some point I just had to accept I actually didn't like him very much. Everything about family I knew was that I was supposed to like him, but I didn't, and it caused a lot of turmoil inside me, until I just faced it. And I still don't have that much contact with him. I have a little bit but there's a good chance I'll see him less than 5 times before he dies.

He moved back to Canada. I'll see him this summer because he's coming to Europe but after that, I don't know when I'll see him again. But he hasn't shown much interest in self awareness or changing who he is and I just act accordingly. We get along a little but I'm very careful how much space in my life I'm willing to give him because he says nice things and then his actions are very different. And I've been through it enough that I don't feel like experiencing again. But the main thing is you have to accept he won't change. Be honest with yourself if you really want a relationship with him, in the state that he's in right now. That's the only question that matters.

It only hurts if you have expectations. If you just accept there's nothing good coming from that direction and act accordingly it'll be fine. I'm not saying you have to cut off your father completely I don't know your whole relationship but from what you wrote it does sound like you got your hopes up and got let down. And it also sounds like it's not the first time. And since I have experience, I just told you my approach.

blackgaletiger · Accepted Answer

Hard to help when the information is one sided. People are quick to make conclusions based one small amount of information but this cuts deeper then just a one day thing. Not saying you’re in the wrong or anything but you did a good thing reaching out. Sometimes it wasn't meant to be and relationships are not one sided. If he doesn't want to make time for you then that is his decision to live with and he may have his reasons. You had your reasons to reach out but its not working in your favour. It should give you a good understanding on who and what your priorities should be

Cutegirl06 · Accepted Answer

Sorry 😞 Your father's booze is more important to him than having a relationship with you. You can't change him or make him stop drinking. Either face that booze is more important to him than you are and forget about him which I know is hard to do he is your dad, but he's the one that needs to change before he doesn't have a daughter then it will be too late. His behavior is only going to make you resent him sooner or later.

Dinklex3 · Accepted Answer

Does he drink often?

If not, maybe that’s just how he wants to spend his day. Relaxing with a beer.

If he does, it’s still his day. If that’s what he wants to do for Father’s Day then 🤷‍♀️

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I don't know miss Lauren but i think that people who are alcoholic or having some sort of addiction on anything else are being controlled by their addiction, it's like an obsession where they just can't put priority before the addiction priority, that's why such people are mentally sick and would ruin their lives, such as gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, drugs addiction... etc

Also it seems that he doesn't wanna change, cause he's not asking for help to get over his addiction so that he can fix his life...

At least you have tried, you're not to blame anymore!

Come and spend the father's day with me miss Lauren, i'll enjoy spending all occasions with you because you're a special girl 😊

JacobJordan · Answer

You are an adult he doesn't have to put you first. If he wants to spend time with you he'll let you know. It was fathers day. I know you feel entitled to being the center of everything but fathers day is about the father in this case him. He is the center for 1 day and he gets to choose what he wants to do. And what he wanted to do was relax and enjoy a beer or something similar.

bowenw · Answer

Sadly addictions take over a person. Try not to take it personally, although that is easier said than done. You may benefit from doing some reading of the material from Al-Anon or even joining a group.

https://al-anon.org/

andreasderjuengere · Answer

After all: ''Father's Day'' wasn't made for the daughters. Just saying. If you want to get closer to him again - which would be a nice thing of course - you can pick any other day as well :)

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Sadly, some dads are like that, my dad was into booze during my teen years. I would shake all over every time he was sick from being intoxicated, and it did scare me for sure. I'm sorry, you are up against this.

Zenpanda · Answer

If he neglects and treats you like that he's not a father. He doesn't deserve that title. Surprise your mom, she's there even if he's not. Give her a second mother's day instead.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

He might have a dependency on alcohol or might be severely depressed currently and doesn’t want you to see him in that state because it will drag you down. None of us are perfect and you should try to be understanding. Father’s Day is about him, not you. You are not the victim here

adam6402 · Answer

Sounds like the hangover from booze is still less of a headache for him than dealing with you and your mom

worldscolide · Answer

Some times men are stupid. I guarantee if my daughter asked me to spend time on father's day, I'd drop everything and do it.

Iron_Man · Answer

oh sorry to hear that send him a card anyway and call him

Alex-Snow · Answer

His priorities are wrong... sorry he did that to you

jahaims · Answer

You are an adult. It's not his job to take care of you anymore. You are making fathers day about you instead of about what he wants to do.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Addiction is a crazy thing

noohair · Answer

He is probably an alcoholic. The mind of an addict is always focused on the drug. Sorry.

exitseven · Answer

sorry kid, you do not deserve this.

strateguy632 · Answer

kuz booz never argues back.

Radiate143 · Answer

He's an alcoholic so...

handsomelad70 · Answer

Did he go out with the boys?

DaBiggestBird · Answer

It’s Fathers Day, just let it slide this time.

Anonymous · Answer

Booze gives him peace

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

He might have a problem and need some help

Why does my dad wanna choose booze over me on Father’s Day?

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What Girls & Guys Said

Sadly, some dads are like that, my dad was into booze during my teen years. I would shake all over every time he was sick from being intoxicated, and it did scare me for sure. I'm sorry, you are up against this.

Why does my dad wanna choose booze over me on Father’s Day?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Sadly, some dads are like that, my dad was into booze during my teen years. I would shake all over every time he was sick from being intoxicated, and it did scare me for sure. I'm sorry, you are up against this.

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