Should parents be COMPLETELY honest about what they were like as a teen/in college when disciplining their own kids? Does the era you were raised in matter?

[DrPepper12]

FYI: I'll update but you should know most of your teachers were AP track straight arrows or the scourge of the community that never went to class. Its RARE to find a innocuous midling as a HS teacher, elementary teachers are angels... or so you think... 👹👺☠️

Parents should be COMPLETELY honest about their life

Patents should only tell as much as is necessary for relatability

Parents shouldn't say ANYTHING about their past. It should be a mystery til their old enuf.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My mom was a wild child as a kid, and told me as much. She made a lot of mistakes she would come to regret as an adult in the name of temporary pleasure and attention. She didn’t want my brother and I to deal with similar issues so she adopted a parenting style of total honesty, she would never lie to us about anything. And she didn’t, technically. She lied by omission and redirection when it came to things like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. But everything else she was honest about because she wanted to make sure we could come to her for whatever we needed. She was willing to let us do as she did as a kid, just so long as we were safer about it than she was. She educated us, warned us, made sure we were fully prepared for everything we needed at each stage of life. It worked out well, we both became pretty great kids and are now living happy lives as adults.

[Anonymous]

no they should be selectively honest based on the best interests of their child

[DrPepper12]

I agree

[MisterWack]

“Should parents be COMPLETELY honest about what they were like as a teen/college when disciplining their own kids? Does era you were raised matter?”

YES parents should be transparent and honest when trying to discipline their own children on a variety of subjects: Education, Career Path, Sex, Drugs, Etc. also the mistakes they made along the way so, their children can learn from example.

I think older generations are more uptight, conservative, more controlling, and less empathetic, narrow minded rose tinted glasses view of the world 24/7, stick with tradition even if it is impractical which will push the child to be resentful of their parents / grow apart from them most likely since the younger generation’s friends, family, faculty, role models, etc. will showcase the true side of their parents more.

[DrPepper12]

But what would you say to the parent who is ashamed or embarrassed of who they were then? It could be both cathartic or a huge mistake if they take the wrong lesson away

[MisterWack]

@DrPepper12 Well, they should be upfront and honest if they don’t want their children to end up in the same boat of ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated, degraded, etc.

[IslaTheWitch]

lol

kids have brains... and even if at the beginning of primary school they could believe all this crap, they very fast start to understand that it's impossible that everyone is or was great at school but them...

I always said the truth to my kids... that what they do at school doesn't matter. If they want to study, they have to have good grades at the end of HS and have perfect final exams... (Europe reality). I was interested in a few subjects at school and barely passed the rest... but I got very high results from the final exams, and in the end, I have two diplomas... and I work in the field I love...

my two older kids already work and have their own lives... they didn't decide to study. Drama Queen definitely goes in my steps... she aces all exams but isn't very interested in everyday learning :D

kids rather follow living example than words...

[MicahRaine]

Yes, a parent should never lie to their child.

It does depend quite a bit on the context, and I'm going to assume that you're asking about honesty toward kids in their teens.

Raine and I agreed to never lie about what we were/are like in teen-college years. That said, there are some very personal details of our lives that our kids will (hopefully) never hear about. We will still honest though, even if our past is not consistent with what we teach our children.

As much as possible, we want to avoid being hypocritical or dishonest especially with our chldren.

[WindAtMyBack]

I don't see any reason to go into a lot of detail.

Does the era matter? For what? Whether you are honest or not? Not really.

The era matters for the lifestyle we had, but I don't think it matters with being honest about it or not. The time when I came of age was pretty wild. The number of people who stayed completely out of that were pretty small. When people near my age meet, we tend to assume the other person was a partier. It doesn't take long before somebody jokes about it.

For my age group we just assume. But there is no need to advertise it to others. They wouldn't truly understand anyway. The thing is that people take the attitude that "If you did it, why shouldn't I?". Even though there's a good answer to that, people tend to not listen.

[DrPepper12]

Agreed. My wife and i have both tried tutoring our kids (both teachers) and they tell us GFY you're not MY teacher and we therefore dont know shit.

[DishLady]

75%… There’s the 25% terrible stuff YOU probably did that needs to be taken to the grave (which, let’s face it, if your parents or siblings are still around they’ll be messing up and sharing with your kids anyway).

[DrPepper12]

I agree. Some stories just need to fade into legend... And yes, my kids have learned TOO MUCH by listening at Thanksgiving and other holidays...

[DishLady]

😂 😂 😂

[NathanDavis]

I'm always honest about my wrongs and mistakes...

but still tell them, I am both an example of what to do and what NOT to do

so they're still not allowed to be stupid, just because I was stupid once

[DrPepper12]

I don't know. Do they teally need the play by play? Ask follow up questions?

[NathanDavis]

truth is...

I am a great tutor for school but I was the worst student at school... lol

[DrPepper12]

So was this teacher. Sophmore year i was late ir absent over 50x

[exitseven]

I never really did anything I am ashamed of. I did not use drugs and I never was arrested. I was not a great student but I was at least average. I failed chemistry in the 11th grade and had to take it in summer school.

[DrPepper12]

I've taught SENIORS! There no angrier group of people on earth than seniors in summer school!

[exitseven]

@DrPepper12 I actually had a pretty good time in summer school. I went to summer school in the next town and met some new firmed there and there was a girl that i sort of liked.

[hahahmm]

People keep trying to complicate things. Life was simpler in the past and raising kids worked just fine. The more do gooders try and make things better the worse people behave.

[DrPepper12]

So dont be honest? 🤔

[hahahmm]

You're old enough to know how it works. When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, I had zero right to even be around adults having adult conversations. They were not even polite about it if you were in the wrong place: "Hey boy, get out of here. Adults are talking!" There was no such thing as parents trying to be their kid's best friend, buddy, or anything like that. You got rules -- received wisdom -- from above. Of course as a kid you might doubt that elders knew best but you didn't actually have a choice in much like today's kids do. And again... people behave worse now overall than back in the day. Things are going downhill from what I see, so maybe the old wisdom was right.

[OddBeMe]

Those dates seem wrong in your pic…I would think they’re off by ten years all around. But I ain’t no sociologist person.

Parents ironically have the “hypocrisy right” to teach good traditions before kids can decide for themselves. “No drugs.” “No alcohol.” “No sex before marriage”. All done by them,

[WhitneySnow]

That’s a good question. I guess if your teen asks, you should tell them, but otherwise you shouldn’t volunteer it. My parents never told me anything bad about themselves until I was like 16, but by then I had heard stories from other family members.

[Pete671]

Boomer here, yes tell what you did including the good stuff, then give them the choice to make their own mistakes and own their own successes,,,

[DrPepper12]

But EVERYTHING?

[Pete671]

ah no not EVERYTHING, I meant inc stuff that worked out well, rather than "don't do this because I did and it worked out bad",,,

[Juxtapose]

It's really none of their business. They can either listen to me or they can go out the door.

I would do my best to be fair but I'm not going to treat them like a friend that is an equal. I don't always need to explain myself, I am the authority figure and the provider.

[Juxtapose]

Parents need to remember that they are authority figures and weakening their position of authority is only going to make their lives harder.

[Jackblue]

Hypocrisy in adults doesn't teach children morals it corrupts them.

[Juxtapose]

@Jackblue just because you crapped your pants when you were a kid doesn't mean you should throw your hands up in the air and let your kids crap their pants without solving the problem.

[Juxtapose]

Parents don't owe their kids explanations either. They just told him what to do and the kids have to do it. That's the way it has always been.

[Juxtapose]

*tell

[Jackblue]

"That's the way it has always been" How lovely an argument, but unoriginal it was invented thousands of years ago by people arguing as to why humanity shouldn't give up cannibalism. As for crapping pants, maybe try to explain to them how not to do so and admitting that you had trouble with that to when you were a kid.

[Juxtapose]

@Jackblue you don't need to explain yourself as a parent. Give consistent but fair consequences and get them used to following your orders.

[Juxtapose]

My parents never explained their past of crapping their pants when they were children. They made me feel shame and they made sure there was consequences. I haven't crapped my pants since because it was highly unpleasant and humiliating.

My dad was a Marine, good luck getting explanations from him.

[DrPepper12]

"because im your << insert authority figure here>>" HAS NEVER WORKED! If i as a teacher had to rely on my title/institutional authority for compliance I've already lost! Same for parents. No lesson was learned other than experience/age/proximity/etc makes the authority right.

[Jackblue]

I guess there is a healthy middle ground, parents shouldn't admit everything bad they did to their kids, at least not before the kids are adults, but they shouldn't behave as if they never made any mistakes either

[DrPepper12]

Thats fair. Vagueness has its purpose but so does direct challenges like "I've been where you're at you little shit!!"

[Dongie]

I said relatable. It was their business. 1962 felt more of a Xer as most all my friends but for a couple were.

[AlexEfron]

I feel betrayed 🤣 they kicked me out of the Millennial category and dumped me into the GenZ category

[blueonblack22]

Context matters. I voted B.

[DrPepper12]

Yes it does!! The natrative should ne about wayward kid, not glory days!

[blueonblack22]

Yep. Very much agree.

[Ellashaw]

Yeah, parents honey completely 🥰

[Fatoumamoud]

Genz Z

[4ngelic]

not really no