My friend told me she is pregnant and I am not happy about it?

[n1n1999]

One of my friends recently revealed that she’s pregnant, and honestly, I feel emotionally drained. I know it might sound harsh or insensitive, but within our friendship group, we've all been struggling to support her. This is the third time she’s been in this situation with three different guys, and I’ve been there for her through it all. The first time, she decided to have an abortion, and I was by her side 24/7 because I genuinely felt for her. The second time, she kept the baby, and I’ve done my best to support her despite the challenges.

However, she often doesn’t spend time with her child and leaves her with me so much that her child even calls me “mum” instead of her. I’ve been happy to help in the past, but it’s reached a point where it’s taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. When she called us all crying today, saying she didn’t know what to do becasue she found out she was pregant, I was blunt and told her that she needs to take responsibility. I expressed how, if she’s struggling to handle one child, it’s not fair to bring another into the world if she’s not ready.

She was upset and said I’m a bad friend, and others in our group felt I was being insensitive. Now, I feel guilty because I know she’s going through a lot, but I also feel like I’ve been carrying the emotional burden for too long, and I’ve reached my limit. I don’t want to be cruel, but I also can’t keep giving so much of myself when I’m feeling completely drained.

[rosemilk]

why are you allowing her to throw her kid on you? you are not responsible for them or her. you need to let her figure stuff out for herself, like an adult mother. so it's totally okay to express that and then leave. yourself should always come first.

i know it's not easy to put yourself first and it's not easy to say the truth, but it needs to be said now. setting boundaries doesn't make you a bad friend... setting boundaries protects your mental and emotional health. stop neglecting that for someone who uses you as a crutch. i don't think she'd do the same for you if the situation flipped.

remember that taking care of yourself doesn't diminish the care you've shown her in the past. you've done all you could, but it's obviously worn you down so much and that's not healthy and not a normal friendship.

[avery58]

Yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't keep many friends or stay in touch with people often. I already have enough I don't need to deal with other people's problems all the time, and trust me many people will have no problem in taking your whole arm when you lend them a helping hand. I still have a friend who owes me $50 and hasn't even mentioned anything about paying me back in these past 2 months, so I'm just going to have to straight up ask her tonight.

[n1n1999]

You should ask her. I hate it when people do fhat