How should I feel now that my baby sister is pregnant?

Question

I just found out my younger sister is pregnant and while I do feel happy for her and can't wait to be an Aunt, I always thought I would be the first one to have a child being the oldest.

I'm also happy that my grandmother will get to see her great grandchild but I was hoping it would have been me first.

It makes me feel sort of inadequate that I have yet to be married with a child at my age and now I think it will never happen after my breakup from my ex.

If I hadn't messed up in our relationship, we would probably be engaged and possibly with a baby on the way.

How do I stop feeling like the inadequate one in my family?

Genie23 · Accepted Answer

I am not sure whether you remember what I said couple of weeks ago... about your last relationship and how you should handle the breakup... If you don't remember... let me remind you a bit.

I really think you should stop blaming yourself for the breakup and if someone wants to end things there's nothing you could do that would make them want to stay. Maybe he simply wasn't ready to take things on the next level with you. Maybe he needed time and wanted to focus on other things. Letting go of that ex will help you heal and finally move on but if you keep blaming yourself even if you meet someone great you wouldn't even notice him as you'll be distracted with the thoughts of your ex and past relationship.

I can understand that you feel conflicted. You're happy for your baby sister and can't wait to play and take care of your nephew or niece but you also feel like you're the older one, so you should have had kids by now but what you need to understand is everyone's journey is different and some people will get they wish for early while others will get what they want after some time. Everyone have different struggles. Don't compare your life with hers, it will only make you panic and sad. Just focus on healing yourself first and I am sure you'll meet a really great guy who would love you the way you love him and would want to have kids with you... get old with you. It will happen someday. So, just heal and don't keep your heart closed for someone new.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

The feeling isn't just about your sister's news; it's deeply tied to the loss of your past relationship and the future you envisioned with your ex. Shift your energy from what you don't have to what you can build for yourself right now.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, sweetie, the feelings you're experiencing are totally valid and normal! 🌟 It's like watching someone else get the last piece of cake when you thought it was yours—ouch, right? But remember, life's timeline doesn't follow a set path! Your moment will come, and it's going to be as fabulous as you are. 😉 Shake off those feelings of inadequacy and remember, you bring your own unique flavor to the family dynamic. Focus on what makes you happy, because when you radiate joy, love finds its way to you. 💖 Becoming an aunt is going to be an exciting chapter, and your time to shine isn't bound by anyone else's timeline! 🌈

Summeroflove · Answer

You’re not inadequate number one first things first you want to find a relationship that’s happy and loving. You’re better off being alone having your peace then be in a relationship that isn’t right for you. Much worse one that’s abusive and/or miserable.

If you rush into getting married for the wrong reasons such as marrying someone for the sake of getting married and having kids (I mean if you both agree on it that’s one thing) but don’t have that genuine bond and connection.

Number one tricking someone is wrong. People will fake loving someone to manipulate them into getting married for the wrong reasons. Happens all the time and it’s sad that someone believes they’re in a loving relationship but they aren’t. To find that out later when they’re cheated on and divorced.

As hard as it may be. WAIT…. You don’t want to pick a bad father for your kids. You want to wait until the right person right time. Imagine getting married to someone such as a bad ex partner. Being stuck

ohsheeT · Answer

Well you should feel the way you do for all the right reason

She's pregnant and she's gonna have a baby. That's the bottom line You have You have to be a positive influence No matter what just think , what she's going through scared she She just walked into a big dark room and doesn't know one thing about it.

So she's scared to death. She already has enough negative things. Going through her head. Her relationship is more than just being pregnant. And she's needs and wants to hear positive s. This unknown is a big step for her

Just love her no matter how you feel

Finchie40 · Answer

How did you mess up your relationship with your ex? When I became a Dad my older brother was a little jealous that I was a father before he was , but unfortunately for him, he ended up marrying a girl that changed her mind about having kids’, that broke his heart because he wanted children as well , , but overall my brother was happy for me and loved being an Uncle. Now that his selfish bitch wife divorced him he said his ship has sailed he will never have kids’ of his own now. , cuz he said he is to old and just accepted the fact he will never have kids’ Still to this day , he will confess to me that he is jealous that he ended up with the wrong girl. So for your sake you are best to just accept it for what it is and be happy and supportive of your sister , when or if your day comes to have a baby, your sister will more than likely be by your side as well

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You need to come to peace with the fact that life rarely develops as you have had it planned. Making plans such as this only creates the opportunity for disappointment.

Caroline91 · Answer

I think it is easy to feel inadequate and unfulfilled if we compare our lives to someone else's life. It's can be a sure path to unhappiness. I only compare myself to myself... am I better at things today than I was yesterday? Have I learned some worthwhile things from my experiences? What will I continue to do the same and what do I need to change to be happier? Not comparing allows me to be truly happy for other people for the good things they have in their lives, while improving my own life at the same time. Don't spend another moment wasted on thinking about what you DON'T have. But spend some time reflecting on what you really want in your life and then keep that image in the front of your mind and go for it. I wish you all the happiness you can possibly hold in your heart!

sage2021 · Answer

It's easy to look at what other people have and wish the same thing for yourself.
But you are also envious of your friend you mentioned a couple of weeks ago and now your sister.🤔
I am not a jealous person at all and never have been. I am always happy for the good things that happen to others.
I believe the Bible says not to look at what other people have that you don't have and be glad for what God has already given you and the things he will give you in the future. (paraphrased). Try keeping your eyes on yourself and your future accomplishments that you are planning.
Being jealous isn't very becoming in a person's character. People kinda look down on jealousy.
Sorry but it's true and only your friends will tell you the truth if they are a good friend.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I felt indifferent when I learned my sibling’s wife was to have a child. She was born on my Dad’s birthday. It was the only Grand child my parents would have. My Grand Parents did get to meet her as well before their own passing too. I believe my Grand parents got to meet all their great grand kids before both passed. I am the lone hold out in this regard. The eldest Grand Son and only one to have never married and had kids of the family. Granted, after my last parent passed, my Dad, the family at large just vanished and have not heard from them since. Which only adds to my indifference because it is like having no family left anyway. I was the favorite Grand Child and my Dad’s favorite Son. Towards the end for my Mom to a degree my Mom said as much. My Dad told me, “I think your Mom finally realized who the good son was…” So, yeah, between losing my Grand Parents and Parents … ‘Friends’ I have are the family I have anymore. Boy do they worry.

exitseven · Answer

Okay- She is pregnant. Look at rhe big picture. Is she married,? Does she have the financial resources to raise a baby?

If not she will struggle her whole life and not be able to afford to give her baby a good lifestyle. You really do not want that for yourself.

It does not take much talent to get pregnant

nawtee_me · Answer

You do not need to compare yourself like that. The expectations just because you are the older sister are really not something you should or should have to bare. You are two different people that made different choices in life.
You say if you did not mess up a relationship but how do you know that getting out of that relationship wasn’t the best thing for you? So maybe you are not where you thought you should be by now but that doesn’t mean you are not where you need to be right now.
To paraphrase words from a song I know, Your world is not falling apart it is falling into place… Have a good day my friend…

Dongie · Answer

Don't worry you'll get one. My favorite niece watched her sister have 3, all boys and had her one and only, a girl at age 30. Well 7 days shy of turning 30. Her sister had her first at age 15. Thank God the kid is a good boy since his mom chooses to do what she wants.

Zarapeachy · Answer

I think its okay to be feeling as such. However, it's important to realise your path isn't your sister's path. I think you're exactly where you're meant to be right now. I think you can gain new experiences but you gotta not look at it as its something bad because you were not the first. Think about it as something new to learn about yourself

Berethor · Answer

Around age 30 woman's fertility starts to decline, so your sister is on the right path.

Shiprex · Answer

You are more than adequate and didn't sabotage your relationship, that takes two. Having a child is a big deal and you're not too late. It may happen in a whirlwind romance. Don't give up.

jazzy34 · Answer

As someone who also has clinical depression, I understand how hard it can be to be genuinely happy for others. As I’ve said before, I think you’d greatly benefit from therapy.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

„That’s what being a boss is. You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes you hit the rocks. In the meantime, you find your pleasures where you can.“
- Corrado Soprano, The Sopranos

NordicInScandinavia · Answer

By not comparing you to them, stop focusing on what could've been and focus on what is.  Everyone's journey is different and there's nothing wrong with that.

talka20 · Answer

How do you think you messed it up if you dont mind? You can dm

Anonymous · Answer

Happy for her but sad for yourself. At 33 im sure you realise time is slipping away.

dudeinohio · Answer

Don't beat yourself up over this. You still have time.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

You should be happy and you should support her.  Don't worry, you don't have to be the first to have a child, your grandmother won't mind.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Life isn’t a race, you’re not “losing” for not hitting the same milestones as someone else

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

That's up to you. Angry, happy sad, whatever you feel, you feel. There is no manual for this.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Don't be sad, everything happens for a reason, someday your wishes will comes true, just stay happy and strong 🙂

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Just be happy for her. And stop comparing yourself to other people.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

I'm just glad I don't want kids, so I don't have to feel like you

Arcadian222 · Answer

You need get passed this feeling. Dont let this complex cook up. Time will come and it will happen.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Maybe you didn’t mess up. Maybe he did.

Jennz6 · Answer

Happy for her

Anonymous · Answer

Lucky, she is the one knocked up and will have to take care of a baby.

msc545 · Answer

How did you mess up in your relationship?

StephanieChick111 · Answer

You could get pregnant yourself.

anon1903 · Answer

It's not a marathon, dear

melis765 · Answer

You should be happy, beautiful

HДLILБΞУ · Answer

Happy..

hirandomgirl · Answer

🎊congratulations

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